


Your Name is On My Skin

by Thaliel (Alodia)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Masturbation, Mild Voyeurism, Resolved Sexual Tension, Soulmates, Soulmates AU, roughly follows main plot, some details have been changed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-10 22:41:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 70,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3306047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alodia/pseuds/Thaliel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A human's Name can be written on their skin at any time, appearing anywhere and revealing the name of their soulmate, from their mate's own hand. Their colors range from red to green to silver and gold. Some people's Names wrapped around their entire neck in bright red, where other's were a color so pale the name appeared to be a scar along a collarbone.</p><p>There are few things known about Names, other than, when it appears, it shows you the name of your soulmate, as well as what their handwriting looked like. That, and they appeared only amongst humans, a gift from the Maker himself, guiding his subjects to happiness. The Elves, Qunari, and Dwarves were left out of the whole Named business altogether. </p><p>This tradition remains the same for thousands of years, those Named meeting and falling in love, always a perfect match and completely happy. Until one day, a small Dalish elf in the north finds herself with a man's name across her back, making everything the world knows about Names turn on it's head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Red of His Feathers

The bright red word appeared on my lower back when I was 17, on a day that was sunny and bright, and perhaps just a touch too hot. My Name was not painful, and it was smooth over my skin as if it was a part of me. My vallaslin was raised up from the skin and had hurt for weeks and weeks after I had gotten them, but my Name was just colored, not pressed in or pushed out. It was as much a part of me as my freckles or the color of my eyes. 

It just appeared, and I didn’t notice until breakfast three days later when I bent over to grab a pot, making the back of my shirt ride up.

Keeper Talia moved quickly to grab my hips and push my shirt up further, “Oh my goodness Elena, what happened to you?”

I twisted to look back at her, but she wouldn’t let my hips go, “What are you talking about? What happened?”

“You have a Name!” she screeched.

I tried in vain to turn around, swinging my arms out for momentum, but the Keeper held me fast and kept staring, her eyes wide and mouth slightly open.

When she finally let me go I turned to look at her more clearly, “Talia, we’re Dalish, we don’t _have_ Names.”

She hustled into her aravel and came back with a hand mirror, her eyes bright and cheeks flushed, “Look for yourself, Elena.”

I ran over to her and turned so I could see my back reflected in the mirror she was holding. There was large, masculine handwriting in a deep red slashing its way across my back where there once had been smooth pale skin. It was a Fereldan name, that much was clear, and my heart almost dropped out of my chest. The red word spanned almost my entire back, just below my waist and just above my hips, filling the space a large pair of hands might settle at, should someone be holding me close, and it should not be there.

Elves did not get names, we fell in love and married in the old fashion, meeting and courting, playing a dance as we fell slowly for one another.

“How can this be?” I whispered.

Talia looked at me, her eyes shining, “I do not know my dear, but I imagine he has to be someone special.”

\---

Names were the beginning and the end for every human in Thedas, Names on their backs or shoulders or on their hands or feet. A human’s Name was _the_ person for them. The one person who was absolutely and positively meant for them, _made_ to be with them. Their names were chosen by the Maker and put together before either of them were even a twinkle in their parent’s eyes, and destined to meet one day when they least expect it.

The writing could appear at any point in life, and its appearance coincided with the appearance of your name on your partner. Each name was written in the hand of its owner and tended to change color depending on the personality of the Name.

Some men found soft pink names written on their wrists, so pale they could be scars. Women often times found deep blues and reds, and even sometimes gold across their collarbones and spanning hips. Everyone had a name that matched, however. There was no one who had a name whose companion was not out there, waiting for them.

There were some woman, like Keeper Talia, who desperately wanted a name, but were destined to never have one, and there were a few cases where even humans were left without names. They tended to die alone.

The elves had no such things, and most Dalish believed it was absolute nonsense. The Creators had no such machinations for their elves, and it was an impossible idea, that two complete strangers could be made for one another. Surely the gods had better things to do than play matchmaker? Names were for Fereldan dog lords and Tevinter magisters, not to mention all the humans in Antiva and the Free Marches.

But they were not for elves, and certainly not for me.

Word spread quickly, and soon my entire clan was clamoring to see the mark, and even elves beyond my clan. There was no explaining it, no reason why there should be a single elf with a name on her back. Keeper Talia did her best to keep me sheltered, prevent me from becoming an anomaly, but it grew more and more difficult.

Watching my back constantly became second nature, as time wore on. Some of the less pleasant members of the clan would try and pull up my shirt to catch a glimpse of the name written on pale skin, and locals who heard the store of the lone elf would attempt the same if I was in town trading.

In one city, the local Templars caught word of the Dalish apostate with a Name on her back and they came to the aravels looking for me. Luckily, I was out gathering and so the Templars had been easily sent away. One of them must have sent word out, however, as they tried to find us wherever we went, always asking for the mage elf with the Name, so that they might study me. Humans desperately wanted to know why an elf had a Name, one of _their_ Names.

I had to wear layers upon layers of clothing, always making my shirts extra-long and tucking them into my trousers with a belt pulled as tight as I could stand. Always with a long coat overtop with more belts cinched around my waist. The Keeper never let me out of her sight, and when I became First, I made it my mission to keep us away from the Templars, and to payback my Keeper for protecting me.

In order to get them off our trail, we came up with a plan.

Someone had to go to the Conclave and spy on the peace talks, and there was no one better than me to go. I had spent a great deal of time with the humans, trading with them on behalf of the clan alongside the Keeper, and if I was away from the clan, we could let the Templars in. They could search the clan, find no mages _and_ no one with a Name, and they would leave Clan Lavellan alone.

We weren’t counting on an explosion, however.

\---

Being thrust into the Inquisition made it so I hardly had time to think of anything, let alone my Name, until I met him.

He was a Templar. Exactly as I had feared.

He spoke softly, and when the intense woman, Cassandra, introduced us, I carefully took note of his eyes widening and cheeks coloring, and decided immediately to ignore it.

“This is Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition’s forced, former Knight-Commander of the Kirkwall Circle. Cullen, please meet Elena, the woman who survived the Fade.” Cassandra gestured vaguely between us, not noticing that the air had grown heavy and seemed to be filled with sparks.

I looked up at the Commander, and when he gazed back down at me, there was a spark when our gazes meet. My magic came to the surface, buzzing under my skin and trying to push out and towards him. It was warm like fire and it felt like it desperately wanted to heal him, to make him warm and pull him close.

I took a deep breath and then turned to Cassandra, “You said something about a rift?”

Cullen opened his mouth as if to speak, confusion plain in his features.

Cassandra spoke before he could get anything out, “There are soldiers waiting to help us kill… whatever comes out of that rift.”

I nodded, “Let’s get a move on then, I don’t want to leave them waiting.”

Cullen’s hand found my elbow as I turned away, “Wait—Elena! You don’t perchance…”

I looked over my shoulder at him, feigning ignorance, “Commander, I have a rift to close, if you don’t mind.”

His brows were practically touching by the time I was done speaking, but he quickly let me go. “Right,” he said softly, “sorry. Of course you’re right.”

I nodded curtly and then moved after Cassandra, putting the handsome blushing commander out of my mind. As we walked away, the magic settled back into me where it belonged, deep inside where I could feel and manipulate it at will.

\---

Closing the rift was difficult and rewarding, but the giant breach was still there, making everything green and competing with the glow of the red lyrium. It was hard to savor the small victories when there was a giant, green, glowing sign of your failure was right above your head.

Cullen watched me from the ramparts of the ruined temple, his eyes burning into my back even as he called commands to his men down on the ground. I had the irrational thought that maybe he could see his name spanning along my skin, underneath my clothing and right past my smalls. His gaze was heavy enough for me to believe he could see right through me in the most literal sense possible, down right to my soul.

It felt like he was reading himself there, and for a moment I considered turning around and returning the favor, raking my eyes over his skin and looking for my name, my writing. Would it be blue? Silver? Maybe purple? How would he react if he knew that his name on my skin was the exact same shade of red as his feathered pauldrons, looping in his masculine handwriting?

Cassandra lead the walk down the mountain again, back to a town they called Haven, while I studiously ignored Cullen.

My mind and body were at way, entirely unable to determine what I wanted to do. My very blood and the magic within sung, reaching out to be closer to him, moving to him like the tide to the moon. Whenever he swayed from one side to the other of our group, chatting with this soldier and that, I felt magic and warmth pool in one hand of the other, moving like a wave across my body.

My mind, however, was angry. How dare he be _my Name._ The first one of my kind, an elf with a Name, and it was a Templar! Someone who would walk me away in a fancy prison, calling it safety and taking me away from my Clan, he would have me in a circle sooner than he would _have_ me.

It would be just my luck for him not only to be a Templar, but a celibate one on top of it.

I tried to work out what I could do, who I could ask, but I knew no one. Suddenly I found myself working with a group of strangers all striving towards the same goal. But none of us were friends, we were not here to socialize and lament the writing on the wall, so to speak.

There was, however, one option which seemed slightly better than the others.

I sided up to the dwarf, Varric, and cleared my throat.

“What’s up buttercup?” he asked, his voice cheerful in a way that I suspected it almost always was.

“Varric,” I started, hesitant, “Do you—I mean. Well. Are you good at keeping secrets?”

He raised an eye brow at me, but nodded, “I can be, yes.”

“I think that man over there, Cullen, the commander, is my Name.”

Varric scoffed as soon as the words were out of my mouth, “Your _name?_ You’re an elf! Names are for romantic humans who believe in the Maker and all that jazz.”

Huffing, I dragged him to the tree line, “I know that. But I… Look I am the only one I know of. I’ll show you if you don’t believe me.”

His eyes sharp, he waved a hand in my direction in assent.

I quickly undid the belts at my waist and dropped down my coat so the shoulders were at my hips. Then I maneuvered one hand to pull out the extra-long tail of my tunic, my eyes on the slowly moving mass of people making their way down the mountain.

I could _feel_ that Cullen was nowhere nearby, so I turned fast to face the dwarf, pulling my shirt up to my breast band, making sure the large script could be seen clearly.

He took in a sharp breath, “Andraste’s tits, that _is_ a name if I ever saw one. That is _huge,_ and it’s definitely Curly’s handwriting. Why on earth do you have it? You’re an elf for shit’s sake!”

I quickly righted all my clothing and turned to face him, voice tense, “I have no idea why I have one, all I know is I do, and the commander is _my Name._ He’s my soulmate and he’s a Templar. I’m an elven apostate, we’re not exactly compatible.”

The smile was quick, as was the laugh, “Please. The apostate and the Templar? That tale’s older than both you _and_ me sister. I was wondering why he was making eyes at you all day, you should go to him, tell him.”

“What if I don’t want to be with him?”

Varric grew serious, “Then don’t tell him. But if there’s anything I know about Names sweetie, it’s that they never go wrong, _ever._ They are always happy, and they always fall in love, some on first sight.”

I felt my magic shift again as Varric and I drifted back to the group and I grew closer to Cullen again, “I… It’s not that. It’s just… He seems very dedicated to his job, his work. What if he wants to turn me over to the Circle? They’ve been trying to get at me for years now, following my clan everywhere and wanting to claim me like a trophy. _The elf with the Name.”_

“He has to know you’re his Name already, why not just tell him and see? He has to at least listen to you.”

“He doesn’t know I’m his name, not for sure anyway. Elves don’t have names, remember?” I ran a hand over my back in reflex, I could almost trace the letters exactly, even over my clothing. Especially now that he was close, they were warm under my skin looping from side to side and keeping me comfortable even as the winds of the Frostbacks blew down on us.

From behind me, the other apostate, Solas, spoke, starting me, “You may just be the first of many.”

Varric and I turned to look at him, both clearly having not noticed his approach, “What do you mean I’m the first?”

“Perhaps Mythal has a plan for you Dalish. Maybe she is granting you all Names of your own,” he alluded, voice aloof and disinterested.

The dwarf snorted, “I had better start writing some books then, elves and Names, that would make me a lot of gold.”

I laughed, but didn’t have the heart to respond, too caught up in my own thoughts.

As time wore on, the warmth built, moving out from the letters and through my skin, pooling between my legs gently. It was sensual in a way touch could not be, working from the inside first and then outward, making the entire body flush with pleasure and giving me the almost undeniable feeling that I should run to him. Run to him and confess everything there was to me, all my secrets and woes, to throw off my clothing and show him my Name, his name, across my back. I wanted to feel his hands there, tracing the writing which had taunted me for years, working me from the outside in as his very presence worked me inside out.

Halfway down the mountain, my heart started pounding hard, blood rushing in my ears deafeningly loud and the mark on my hand started throbbing with pain, as did my Name. All the magic in my body rushed to my back and to the surface, making my cheeks pink and forcing me to stop walking.

I clenched my fists and tried to keep the magic inside of me, not wanting to lash out as Cullen approached me, slowly, causing my body to warm to almost an unbearable point.

Varric and Solas look at me curiously, “Something the matter Blondie?”

“I don’t—!” I tried to speak, but all at once I heard Cullen behind me, my ears so attuned to listen for him that I could hear every breath he took, every step he made.

“Elena, might I—Oh maker!”

As soon as he started speaking, all the blood rushed to my head, making my vision swim, before everything went dark.


	2. The Name on His Neck

When I woke up it was warm and dim, a fire flicking gently nearby was the only source of light in the small room. I turned over in bed and snuggled down again, face first into soft cotton and some kind of warm fur. I felt something stir behind me briefly before an arm settled heavy around me waist and pulled me back slightly.

Someone’s breath was hot on the back of my neck and breathing slowly, clearly asleep and pulling me closer on instinct.

My mind was not yet fully awake, but I knew that I was safe, my body humming softly with warmth and turning naturally into whomever was behind me. Flipping over, I pressed my nose into his chest, tangled my legs with his, and promptly fell back asleep.

I woke again when he stirred, his hands drifting across my side briefly before he fell to his back and stretched. His back arched lightly and I immediately thought about making his back arch in _other_ ways, before my mind finally remembered where I was and what had happened.

I sat straight up, my hair flying around me, someone had taken it down when I was passed out, and looked down at the man who was watching me with wide eyes and a deep blush.

It was Commander Cullen, of course it was. My hands immediately went to the back of the shirt I was wearing and tucked it into my smalls, which thankfully did seem to be the pair I had been wearing at the Breach.

“Commander,” I said, struggling to keep my voice even and flat, “What on earth are you doing in bed with me?”

His blush deepened and he rubbed the back of his neck in what I suspected was habit, “I—Well, Leliana was the one who, er, changed you and when she did she saw… Well I mean—I, I really don’t know what to say. It just felt like the right thing to do…”

I  maneuvered my way out of the bed, the large shirt I found myself in fell down to nearly my knees, save for in the back where I had folded it under, providing me with ample coverage. Cullen’s eyes raked over me, and very quickly his eyes grew hungry and heavy, his gaze almost like a touch as it moved over me, raking over my hair and down my sides, brushing over curves and planes easily. He sat up slowly, his biceps flexing as he did so, setting my mouth watering even as I heated through and through.

I shivered on spot and waited for his eyes to meet my own, and when they did they burned through me, the gold of his irises practically glowing in the low night.

His hand went again to the back of his neck and I focused intently on the movement.

He broke the silence softly, “Do you want to see it?” He lifted his hand from his neck and pointed at where he had just been touching.

I thought about it, quickly, trying to decide if I wanted to make this all real, to face the idea that I was Named, to a shemlen, someone I had never met and who personified my deepest fears.

He turned slowly, moving so I could see the back of his neck and a soft glimmer of gold across its span.

As if compelled, I moved to him and pushed one hand into his hair, and ignoring his gasp I traced one finger slowly under the softly glimmering gold which spelled my name, in my writing.

I swore quietly, tracing one hand over the familiar letters, looping where I would loop and ending with the small flourish I could never seem to resist. I did this a number of times, my heart seeming to swell with each pass of my fingers, the gold seeming to come to life under my ministrations, becoming starker against the tanned skin of Cullen’s neck.

I kept this up for a couple of passes, until realized that he was shivering under my fingers, his fists clenching as he tried to remain still.

I sat down behind him on the bed, pressing my back to his and giving him a break, “So this really is happening then?”

I felt him turn, the bed shifting slightly and he leaned his side against my back, one arm wrapping around me and settling at my hip. His other hand moved slowly, pulling my shirt free and pulling it up slightly.

“I never got to…” he said, trailing off as his efforts revealed one strong letter after the next.

The red script was beautiful in a way, made so large across the span of my back, it was impossible to miss. I imagined he was having the same odd experience I just had, seeing your writing on another person as if you had tattooed it onto them in their sleep.

One calloused finger began to trace through the letters slowly, Cullen’s breath hitching as he traced one letter after another, slowly making his way across my skin. Sparks began to surge under my skin, flying through me and straight between my legs, it was no wonder shemlens so willingly bonded with their Name, if they all felt like this upon meeting.

His fingers moved slowly, mapping the letters as if he needed to remember how to spell his name. Everywhere he touched seemed to come alive, pulling magic to the surface under his fingers. I wondered if he could feel what he was doing to me, igniting every nerve and calling on all the power I possessed, everything within me straining to touch him, to turn into his touch and allow his hands to move _everywhere._

When he had finished he let the shirt fall back into place and pulled me into his lap quickly settling me between his legs and into his arms.

“Do you—Can you even imagine how long I have been waiting for you?” he asked, pressing his lips into my hair and holding me so close, I could hear the pounding of his heart, smell the musky and spicy scent of whatever soap he used.

I caught myself breathing the scent, relaxing into his hold and feeling the magic thrumming beneath my skin. It was no longer threatening to escape from my finger tips and my blood was not pounding inexplicably. My body felt like it had settled, as if his closeness was holding me together instead of threatening to pull me apart.

Whatever had come over me at the Beach was over, I wasn’t going to faint if he came near me.

It was tempting, his warmth and the peace he brought me, it was easy to imagine staying in his arms forever, absorbing his strength and ease. I could spend days just tracing the golden letters on his neck, years checking just to confirm that it was still there, that he was still mine. This strong blonde man was all mine, some god somewhere had determined that he was mine to have, and I was his.

Too many emotions came to the surface then, Templars chasing me through the woods, shouting about all the things they would do to me when they caught me. My clan having to move at least once a week, the hallas tired from so much moving and pulling, my people wan looking and in desperate need of a rest. I saw the conclave exploding, a kind woman leading me out of the Fade and back into the real world, Cullen’s stunned face as we were introduced, a small blush on his sharp cut cheeks.

Breathing was suddenly difficult, each breath tearing through me as my head was still steeped in emotions, the entire world turning on its side.

“The Dalish do not put nearly as much stock in this naming business as you shemlens do,” I told him, breaking out of his hold and standing, trying to get my breath back. I had to get away from him. I had to process everything that happened and if he was near me, influencing me, there was no way I could make a proper decision.

Cullen followed me up and moved in front of me, his hands on my shoulders keeping me facing him. I glowered up at him, breath coming even harder when I saw the full force of emotions brewing behind his eyes, confusion warring with a hunger that seemed ever present, at least when he was looking at me. Alongside those was something deeper, impossibly sweet and absolutely devoted.

“I know this is… unusual,” he told me, “but I have been waiting for so long…I dreamed of you constantly. I saw aravels and halla, I watched you become First and felt how proud you were. I was so desperately happy for you.”

I opened my mouth to speak, confusion crashing over me. He dreamed of me? He _saw_ me become First? How was that even possible? I didn’t have a single dream about him, I had no idea what he looked like or who he was until he was right there in front of me.

Cullen didn’t allow me to talk though, “I know that the Dalish don’t put any stock in Naming and in the whole idea that the Maker would make people in pairs… But I’ve seen it happen time and time again, my friends and family finding their names and being blissfully happy. I want—I need for this to work.”

I sighed heavily, “I have not dreamed of you, shemlen, and I certainly had no idea you were a Templar. I do not _like_ Templars, they have chased me my entire life, and since _your name_ appeared across my back they have hounded my clan, wanting to claim the glory of capturing me. I was treated like an animal, a prize to be caught so someone might gain a promotion. Is that what you’ll do to me? Haul me away to a circle for studying so you might find yourself back in the good graces of your brotherhood?”

Cullen stepped back from me, his expression now guarded, “Is that what you believe I would do to you? To my _soulmate?_ Pray tell, what have I done to make you believe I would even consider such a thing?”

I shrugged, “You’re a _Templar,_ you _ran an entire Circle._ You’re a Knight-Commander Cullen, you didn’t have to _do_ anything, you just are. Name or no, people are who they are.”

His face grew hard and he stepped away from me, “I see. Well, I won’t take up anymore of your time then, if that’s how you feel.”

He stalked into the front room and started pulling on piece after piece of armor, slapping them on over the thin shirt and linen pants he had been wearing. He topped everything off with a feathered overcoat and then walked out, never glancing once at me and leaving me only with a hard, “Herald.”

\---

When he was gone and the air had cleared I sat down and through hard on Cullen, nothing else seemed to matter in that moment, nothing was more important.

I had hurt him, that much was obvious. He was a man looking for a fairy tale, someone who was the other half of his soul and who would make him happy until the end of his days. It was what he was raised with, what every last person in Ferelden dreamed and wished for. It was natural to him, but to me, a Dalish, it was foreign and not to be trusted.

Our Creators did not interfere in our lives in such a way, they left us to out aravels and our woods, wandering Thedas and surviving on what we could make, gather, and trade for. Kindnesses from what gods we have were few and far between, you were more likely to receive a visit from the Dread Wolf than from any other god.

I put my head into my hands and closed my eyes, and immediately I could feel where Cullen was, pacing inside the war room and trying to determine what to do, desperately thinking of anything but me.

I sat up and pushed him away, unsettled by the sudden vision of the Commander. I stood up and started to pace just inside the door, wearing a path from the couch to the small cabinet, watching the small house change as the sun started to set.

Sometime between passes 45 and 50, Cullen knocked on the door.

I froze, feeling immediately how my blood warmed and my magic started to move and grow, wanting to reach out for him and touch him.

I stalked to the door and threw it open, “What?”

Cullen blushed, “I um. I’m sorry I can wait for you to get dressed.”

I looked down, taking in the large men’s shirt I was still wearing, belatedly realizing it was probable one of his, “I’m fine, what is it you wanted?”

“I—“ he sighed deeply, “I am sorry for leaving you. I was brash and… I should have taken the time to explain things to you, to listen to how you feel… Or really anything other than leaving.”

I leaned against the door frame, crossed my arms and looked up at the commander, “Are you asking to do those things now then?”

“Maker’s breath,” he swore, letting out a heavy breath, “I suppose I am.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking it over, and it came back to me. I saw myself through his eyes and felt how nervous he was and how much he regretted his earlier actions. Most alarmingly, I felt how his blood was singing in the same way mine did for him, he wanted desperately to hold me, to keep me warm and safe. He was warm at the fingertips where he wanted to reach out, and his chest was swelling with pride as he looked me over, admiring the blonde hair I had once again braided up, my slim waist and long legs.

I opened my eyes.

“Fine, come in,” I sighed.

I stepped back to allow him room and he brushed past me, feathers brushing gently against my arm before closing the door and turning to face him.

“What is it you want, exactly?” I asked him.

His sigh was world weary and tired, “I just want… I want you to give me a chance. To give all this a chance. I know you have no experience with anything like this, but I could show you, I could tell you storied of my family and my friends. We could both go and see Varric, he has the best storied of people who are Named.”

What he asked for wasn’t hard, and I knew there were so many women who would happily take him up on the offer. He was tall and broad, his shoulders filling up doorframes and filling out armor. He belonged in his trappings as much as Cassandra did, like they were born for the sword and shield. The red tunic and overcoat he wore suited his complexion well, and his personality was endearing… so long as I could overlook the Templar thing.

I hesitated in my response, choosing instead to walk over to the couch and sink into the soft cushions, “Shall we begin then?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments and kudos thus far, I appreciate all of them!


	3. The Steel in His Eyes

He sat down heavily next to me, wringing his hands and his mind clearly working.

“I suppose, I’ll start with my parents,” he said, “They were Named for one another when they were only 16. They lived in the same village so when they woke up to find their names, they met one another in the square, without telling their parents where they were going. They didn’t speak for the longest time, I can’t even imagine what they must have felt, only 16 and face to face with the rest of their life.”

He looked over at me, to make sure I was taking it all in. I nodded back at him, encouraging, as I settled deeper into the cushions and prepared to listen.

He took a deep breath before continuing, “My mom moved first, she just walked over and hugged him, and that was it. They were instantly in love and they’ve been together ever since, blissfully happy. They had four children, myself, two sisters and a brother, all of blonde loud and boisterous. Growing up was not boring, and we all knew just how much my mother father loved one another. Even today, they’re always laughing together, kissing constantly. We used to make fun of them for it, but now I just think it’s… Well, sweet”

Talking about his family made Cullen relax, the lines around his eyes relaxing and his mouth going soft. It was abundantly clear that he loved them dearly, he didn’t stutter a single word or rub his neck when talking about them.

“My older sister Mia though, her road was more… rocky. She didn’t have a name until she was 22, and by that point she was already resigning herself to being Nameless. Her name is on her shoulder in a deep navy blue, and she had no idea who he was or where she would find him.”

He laughed, “I’ve never seen her angrier than she was right then.”

I looked over at him, “Why was she angry?”

“Because he didn’t have the _decency_ to be from Honnleath.”

“Honnleath?” I asked.

Cullen sat upright, “Oh right, sorry, um. My hometown, Honnleath. It’s near Redcliffe. She wanted to badly to have the _exact_ same story as my parents, she even had a boy from the village in mind.”

I smiled, “Did she find her Name?”

“Henry,” he informed me, “His name was Henry and he was only one village over. She marched into town the next day, asked the local innkeeper if there was a man named Henry in the village. Turns out he _was_ Henry, and then she spent the next twenty minutes chewing him out for _waiting_ so long. As if he could help it.”

I closed my eyes and felt my magic settle in, as if his words were grounding me and settling everything within me. The feeling grew as he told his family’s stories, it was so different from when he had knocked, it seemed as if my body knew when he was close, and anticipated seeing him with its whole being, and as soon as he spoke, when it became clear he was here to stay, I settled. Almost as if I couldn’t stand when he left.

I leaned into him slightly, pressing my temple into his shoulder, “So your sister yelled at him, and somehow that lead to happily ever after?”

Cullen nodded, his chest still rumbling with mirth, “It did indeed. Turns out Henry likes feisty women who yell at him. They make a good pair.”

He didn’t continue and I didn’t prompt him, so we lapsed into silence so I could process his words. It was one thing to know that humans had Names and that they _always_ married their Name, but it was another to _feel_ the pull my Name had on me, to hear stories of successful marriages and lifetimes full of love and laughter.

He slung his arm around me, “Are you feeling all right?”

I tensed briefly before settling down again, “I’ll be fine. My hand hurts, but it’s not as bad as it was.”

I held my hand out so he could see the faintly glowing mark sitting across the base of my palm. It wasn’t glowing too bright now that the Breach had stabilized, but it still was glowing just enough to be slightly eerie.

I heard him swallow heavily, “Would you mind—I mean, if it’s not too much trouble, would you tell me what you’re thinking?”

I sighed, and settled my hand on top of his chest plate, “I think, that I have no idea what is going on. There was an enormous explosion, giant spiders, and then I was arrested, brought to Haven, then went back to the Breach, stabilized it and then I passed out. That alone is a lot, but on top of that I met my Name, who is a Templar.”

“Ex,” he bit out quickly, “Ex-Templar.”

I pushed off of his chest and looked down at him, “What do you mean? You can’t just… leave the Order.”

He sat up and turned to face me fully, “I did. I stepped down from my duties and left Kirkwall with very little notice. I stopped reporting in and never took up a new post once I left, though I may have made some vague promises to the contrary. I dropped everything to join the Inquisition once Cassandra asked me to.”

“So you can never return?”

He nodded, face somber, “No, I can’t. Which is why I have no reason to turn you over to the Circle. They wouldn’t let me back into the Order for all the gold in Tevinter.”

I snorted, “Are you sure? That’s a lot of gold.”

A small smile broke out across his face, lifting his features considerably, “It is indeed. Unfortunately for me, I rather insulted my superiors on my way out. They were rather hoping that I would one day be leading the Templars of Thedas. I told them I would sooner step into the Void once they tracked me to Haven and sent a messenger.”

I giggled, “Well that does sound rather final.” I paused and raked my eyes over him, taking in golden curls and golden eyes, well accented by his choice of red and golden tunic and overcoat. “Can I ask you something?”

He nodded.

“What… exactly do you expect from me?”

Cullen blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, where my name was written, “I… I don’t know. I just want you to who you are. I don’t have—“ he sighed suddenly, “Forgive me, please, I know you do not believe in the Maker, but I do. I believe that he must have some sort of plan in all this, and I intend to wait for it to be revealed.”

“Can you really do that? Just… wait for things to happen?” I asked, “Why don’t you just do as you will?”

He chuckled, “I suppose it’s simply easier to just wait than to venture out and risk… well, failure.”

“That does not sound like some the Commander of the Inquisition would say,” I teased.

The blush returned, “It is not, I will admit. But when it comes to matters of love I find I am quite hopeless.”

“I really owe you an apology, then,” I admitted, “I have not treated you very kindly through this mess. I have some lingering resentments I suppose, from being the only elf with a name. I was always seen as unnatural, second only to darkspawn.”

Cullen’s face grew, if possible, even softer, “You are _not_ unnatural. Names are blessings, they’re something to be celebrated not hidden away.”

I looked down and began to pull at an errant thread dangling from the end of my borrowed tunic. Then I looked around and took in the small cabin I was in in earnest. The rooms were cozy and kept warm by two large stone fireplaces with fires burning low overnight, and all the furniture within it was a deep green, red, or brown, in typical Fereldan fashion, and exceedingly comfortable.

“Where exactly am I?”

Cullen stood and offered me his hand, “You’re back in Haven, we allotted a cabin for your personal use. It’s not too dark out just yet. We can get you some food and I can show you Haven, if you’re interested.”

I stood with his assistance and moved to the bedroom, “I would like that, however, I have no idea where my clothing is.”

Cullen seemed to remember just then how I was dressed and became rooted to the spot, “I—erm, that is to say… Maker I have no idea.”

Giggling I moved to stand in front of him, “Cullen, this shirt is enormous on me, it’s practically a dress.”

He lifted a hand and half-heartedly rubbed at his neck, looking to the ceiling. I would have bet anything that if I closed my eyes and looked, he was calling on his Maker for strength. He finally refocused and looked down at me, dropping his hand to his side and stepping closer to me.

“It’s rather strange to think that in the middle of everything we managed to meet, not exactly good timing,” he said softly.

I nodded, “There are better ways we could have met, its true.”

He smiled a small smile, and then took a deep breath, “I’ll wait outside while you change, come meet me when you’re ready. You must be warned, however, that they’re calling you the Herald of Andraste since you stabilized the Breach.”

“The Herald of what… Andraste like your holy woman?”

Nodding, he confirmed my suspicion.

“Drat. Well, nothing for that I suppose.”

He walked towards me again, “If you want me to leave you so you can rest up some more before facing the masses, I will understand.”

“That may be best,” I sighed, “I believe I could still use some more sleep. I will see you on the morrow, though?”

He smiled, “See you tomorrow.”

I felt my heart beat faster as he moved away before I managed to get myself to settle again. This time I managed to keep my magic mostly in check, but only barely.

When I crawled back into bed it still smelled faintly of him, and cuddling the pillow where he had laid his head, I fell back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I cannot seem to stop writing for the life of me. I hope you all enjoyed!


	4. His Hands in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We turn things up a notch this chapter.

That night, I had my first dream about my Name.

Meeting him must have triggered something within me, moving something of shifting something so I could see him in my sleep.

He was sitting at a desk set up in a tent outside of haven, with thick pile carpets on the ground and yards of thick cotton strung up around the perimeter to keep out the cold and keep in the warmth of the fire he had going. There was a large circular fire pit in the center of his tent which vented out of the top and cast an amber glow around the room, glinting off of blonde hair and armor which had been hung neatly in a corner.

His desk was covered in papers and scrolls, with at least three different quills thrown into the mix and a halfhearted attempt at an out box. A candle stand he had pulled close to the desk threw his face into sharp, flickering relief as he looked downward, face screwed up slightly and breathing heavily.

I moved to his side, curious. As I moved closer, my view shifting so I was looking over his shoulder, I could hear his heavy breathing and small moans.

If I could have collapsed on the spot I would have when I finally looked down and caught sight of Cullen working himself between the folds of a deep red robe he must have pulled on after meeting with me and divesting of his armor.

One large hand was braced against the edge of the desk, knuckles white with the effort of keeping silent, and the other hand was moving up and down his thick shaft, thumb occasionally striking out to circle the head.

His head fell back, curls falling out of his face and giving me a clear view of his pleasure. His mouth was parted as he breathed platitudes to the Maker, his tongue was resting just behind his teeth and I bet if I could have kissed him then, it would have been quick to make its way into my own mouth.

My magic rushed to the surface of my skin and I could feel it crackling between my fingers. His hardened cock was just visible enough to make me feel warm and hot, mouthwatering with the irrational desire to let him push himself there, to run my tongue along the tip of him and savor his taste. It was suddenly all I could imagine, all I wanted in the world, to touch him and be touched.

Focusing in again, I noticed his breathing quickened along with the speed of his hand, one set of knuckles still straining on the edge of the desk, so he wouldn’t alert anyone standing watch outside.

“Maker’s—Elena…” He breathed lightly.

I was suddenly painfully aware that this was a dream, likely not even real. If the legends were to be believed this was happening right now, just down the walk and out the gate. I could wake up and walk to him, take him into my hands myself and bring him to completion. But this had to be a dream, I was an elf, we were not like normal Named couples. I had never had visions of him before and I likely never would.  

Quickly I discovered that if I concentrated I could give myself a body in my dream. I ghosted hands over his shoulders and up his neck, desperately wishing I could push my hands into his hair and scratch at his scalp and pull on an ear.

I leaned in and gave a ghostly kiss to his neck, and, to my shock, he responded.

Cullen pulled in a sharp agonized breath and mumbled, “Figures you would show up now.”

I didn’t have it in me to do anything but chuckle at that. I pressed another kiss to his neck and then pushed a hand into his hair, nails moving lightly against his scalp. I could _hear_ his pace increase again, his breathing now louder and more moaning than anything else.

He moved into every touch as if it was real, which confirmed my suspicions that this had to be a dream. You couldn’t touch people in Naming dreams, just watch and observe, but in normal dreams you could touch and move and pleasure all you wanted to.

I briefly wondered if this was a sign from the Creators, telling me that I was meant to be with the ex-Templar now-Commander Cullen. Perhaps they had sent me here so that we might meet, see for ourselves our names set into skin as if we had been born with them.

My fingers trailed down to the back of his neck, moving to the spot he rubbed out of habit, the place where my name sat in gold. I leaned back and traced it again, reveling in the novelty of it. I was the only elf to have this, to have one person who was destined for me and who, if perhaps I just believed enough, would make me happy.

He groaned deeply as I traced over the familiar letters, ending in a flourish.

“Elena,” he groaned, “you’re going to be the death of me.”

I smiled and leaned in to kiss lightly up his neck, trailing small bites and marks at my leisure, distracting him as I moved one hand round his shoulder and down to meet his.

His cheeks flushed immediately and his hand stopped.

“Elena, I—I don’t know that this is I a good idea.”

I shook my head, “Nonsense, this is a dream. Everything is a good idea.”

His head turned slightly so he could meet my eyes, “Elena this isn’t a dream.”

“Cullen,” I sighed, “I didn’t follow you over here and appear in your tent, I remember falling asleep. This is a dream.”

He huffed in frustration, “Would you be doing this if you didn’t think it was a dream?”

“I—Well. Probably. Maybe.”

His face fell and grew redder, his shoulders slumping and his manhood now disregarded, “Right, well. If that’s so perhaps we error on the side of caution; you need to leave.”

“But Cullen this is a _dream._ ”

He relaxed the hand that was holding the desk and ran it through his hair, forcing any errant curls back into place. Then he stood and rearranged his clothing so he was firmly back into them and, bizarrely enough, removed his robe and offered it to me.

“You’ll need this for the walk back.”

Huffing with indignation, I took the robe and quickly tied it around me and over my nightshirt.

He hooked a hand around my elbow and walked me to the tent flaps and then out into the moonlight. There were few people around, and Cullen gave a stony glare to anyone who looked our way. Several guards looked startled, but quickly found themselves again when Cullen met their eyes.

We walked up the path and back to the cabin which was now my home, and along the way I carefully cataloged things. The rough stone beneath my feet, pain when a small rock dug into my heel, and above all Cullen’s warm hand on my arm.

This was no dream, somehow, I had ended up in Cullen’s tent.

A blush worked its way out of my chest and up to my cheeks, a physical mark of my mortification. I had somehow… ended up with Cullen and had intended to… touch him and please him. Cullen, the very thing I feared and had run from my whole life, a man who upheld the ideals of a system which wanted me locked away and studied. Someone whose name was on my body against my will and against all logic, all laws of nature as we understood them.

Perhaps it was some… side effect of my mark. I had visions of my Name, something which happened to humans often, and then _bam!_ the mark took me there. This was a problem, I had to apologize for invading, for touching him without permission.

Pausing at my door, he looked down at me, “Sleep well Elena.”

“Wait, Cullen,” I took a breath to steady my erratic breathing, “I am _so_ sorry. I have no idea how I ended up in your tent. I swear it was not my intention.”

Raking a hand through his hair and then settling it at his neck he looked down at me. “El-“ he started and then sighed,  pulling himself up to his full height before beginning again, “Elena this is a conversation for the morning. Preferably after spending the night together, but I imagine now that you realize this is not a dream, you would not consent to that.”

I shook my head briefly.

His eyes grew melancholy, “As I thought. You do not mind my… _body,_ as it were, but you cannot bring yourself to love a Templar. I understand.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off at the head.

“In Ferelden,” he told me, “we hold our Names in very high regard. Parties are thrown when names meet and from the moment they meet until they moment they die, the Named spend every night together, provided they are of an appropriate age.”

I felt my lips part into a small ‘oh’.

His mouth curled into a small smile, “Yes, my dear, _oh._ There is a total acceptance there, a trust not only in the other person, but also in the idea of names. A connection, both emotional and physical, is forged almost immediately upon meeting and nothing can break that. Nothing.”

“In other lands,” he went on, “it is not so intense, there is a courting or some small ceremony, but here, in my homeland, we do things differently, more intensely, deeper. There has never been a time when a Name has… rejected the other, but if you wish to do so now I would implore that you end my misery quickly. I do not enjoy being in such a limbo, but I am not the one who can make the rules here. You have to make the decisions, and you have to be the one to decide if you want this or not.”

I hesitated, “I—Cullen. I don’t… I can’t make that kind of decision after only knowing you one day.”

He shook his head, “Names are not about knowing one another or about surface details like one’s past or how one looks. Names are about trust, about instinct. I _felt_ it when we met, something inside of me shifting so great I knew it would never shift back.” Cullen took a breath, his large chest moving beneath his tunic and drawing my eye, “Maker’s breath Elena, I fell in love with you on sight and if you do not feel even some of that affection for me, I beg of you to let me go.”

My mouth had fallen open by the end, my breathing labored as I tried to think quickly.

Could I really let him go? Could I ignore that I could feel him and see him whenever I wanted, that it felt wonderful to be in his arms and to sleep alongside of him. Was it even possible to give up or to push aside that he made my blood sing and my magic rush and throb like nothing else.

It seemed impossible that I could ignore those kinds of signs, they were huge, pulling at everything within me and _moving me though space._ I had teleported to him on a whim alone, if that was not a sign from the Creators, I did not know what classified as one.

I sighed deeply, “All right Cullen. I will admit that I feel it was well. I feel that you make my blood rush and magic surge. I find it hard to control myself and you and it feels good to be with you and around you. Perhaps this is a sign from the Creators after all.”

His face split into a blinding smile, “Perhaps it is.”

He stepped into me so my back was flat against the door, leaning in close and then his lips were on mine, pressing in gently and gliding back and forth.

It caused a spark in me, sending blood pumping and my magic discharged, charring the ground to our left. I ignored it but Cullen chuckled and pulled me deeper into him, his hands spanning my back as he held me, exactly where I had always thought someone would.

Where perhaps I secretly always wished my Name would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't stop myself, I am so so sorry. Hope you all enjoyed!


	5. The Warmth of his Skin

Cullen turned and looked briefly over his shoulder and then back down at me. His hand reached back and rubbed at his Name as his cheeks flushed.

“We—uh,” He stuttered, “appear to have an audience.”

I leaned around him and caught sight of some night guards not-so-subtly watching us from their posts.

Straightening I glanced up at Cullen, “Would you… Maybe like to come in?”

Cullen’s blush got even deeper, “I don’t know that it’s appropriate for me to be seen entering your rooms this late at night.”

“Worried about the guards gossiping?” I teased.

His sigh was weary, “It would be one thing if we had a more… Traditional introduction and union and so forth. However, we have not. They have no idea we’re Named, Leliana insisted we keep it a secret.”

“Why are we keeping it a secret?” I tilted my head and looked up at him.

He pulled me closer so my ear was flat against his chest. His heart beat was steady and strong when he spoke, “Remember what you said about Templars taking you away?”

I nodded.

“While that may not apply to me, as I am too far gone, that doesn’t mean there aren’t… others among us who may decide to try.”

My body froze and I closed my eyes, breathing deep to keep the panic in check. “Would they really take me away?” I asked quietly.

His arms convulsed around me, “I would not let them, my dear.”

I leaned heavily into me, concentrating on his strength, and I had another vision through his eyes. It was easy to feel his overwhelming need to protect me, to keep me in his arms always to make sure I was safe. It was weaved through with the soft and sweet, something tender and quiet which colored everything he saw and felt. It was ever present and steady.

When I opened my eyes I let out the breath I had been holding, and Cullen leaned back a little to rake his eyes over my face, taking in calm eyes and a soft smile.

“All right now?” He asked me.

I sighed, “I’ll be fine. Though I will admit I would like it if you stayed here.”

He smiled lightly before leaning down to kiss me once more, lightly. “Soon,” he whispered against my lips.

Then he turned heel and departed, leaving me standing at the door, warm and with magic reaching to pull him back.

\---

The next morning I was awoken when someone walked into my room, carrying a bowl of soup and a towel.

I sat up and she gasped, dropping what she was carrying and dropping to her knees.

“Herald!” she exclaimed, “You are awake! I must tell Lady Cassandra at once, she is waiting for you in the Chantry!”

The woman scurried to her feet and walked out into the daylight. Thankfully for me there were shutters keeping the bulk of the light out of the bedroom, and I was able to sit back and collect my thoughts once more.

Cullen was close, within Haven’s walls but not near my cabin. I could feel the words on my back warming again and my magic was awake and moving, rolling through me in waves and reaching out gently from my fingertips.

I recalled the woman’s words, that Cassandra was waiting for me in the chantry. Standing with a groan, I searched the room for clothing, and found a pair of robes and a staff with an iron dragon at the top and what appeared to be a dragon’s tooth at the bottom. It appeared that I had presents from Haven.

I strapped the staff to my back and the walked out of my cabin, startled to find that words must have spread of my consciousness.

There were lines of soldiers and villagers outside my cabin and up a set of stairs, all with their fists over their hearts and murmuring softly. I could hear people whispering about me closing rifts and how I was the ‘Herald of Andraste Herself’.

I smiled uneasily at their ranks, and more than one person returned the favor, although they weren’t uneasy, they looked like I had made their day, somehow.

I decided quickly that I couldn’t let this rattle me, so I walked through their ranks, nodding vaguely and smiling at children and women. I worked my way slowly to the Chantry, voices getting louder as I approached, until I realized that there was an argument happening in front of the large front doors.

Cullen was face to face with Roderick, the Chantry man saying something rude while Cullen rolled his eyes. He stood firm, feet shoulder width apart and his arms crossed, the feathers around his neck and face shining red in the sunlight and making him appear much angrier than I could feel he was.

My magic swelled with each step I took and I funneled it gently into a nearby fire, relaxing as I siphoned off the excess. No one noticed if the soup which was hanging over the pit cooked just a little faster than normal.

Cullen’s eyes flicked to me and then back to the chancellor, “Chancellor, watch your tongue.”

Roderick sneered, “She needs to be prepared for trial, brought to Val Royeaux to face judgment.”

“She has done nothing wrong,” Cullen informed him, frowning.

“Then she has nothing to fear and will go willingly,” he rebuffed.

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose, “We need her here to close the Breach and to close the rifts which have appeared _everywhere._ You know this Roderick, I cannot see why you bother arguing.”

The chancellor grumbled, “I do not care, she needs to face justice.”

Cullen smiled slowly, “Why? So you can secure that promotion you wanted?”

Roderick didn’t argue, simply glowered at Cullen before turning away and walking into the Chantry.

I could feel Cullen’s sense of triumph. “He really is a pain in the arse,” I observed.

“I have to agree wholeheartedly, and I would discuss it at length, but Cassandra is waiting for us inside.”

I nodded and walked into the chantry in front of him, reveling when his hand found the small of by back and brushed briefly over my Name as he guided me inside. A small shiver went up my spine as his thumb brushed back and forth over some of the letters, making them warmer than they previously had been.

I kept him at my side briefly by pulling at his elbow, “Cullen… Does your Name, er, well, feel warm?”

He glanced around the room quickly before leaning into me and brushing his nose up and down mine, “It does when you’re near.”

I tried to keep down the blush but it was a hopeless cause, “Can I maybe feel it?”

He leaned back to smile down at me, “Of course.”

Tentatively, I reached up a hand and placed it at the back of his neck, fingers brushing past feathers before I felt smooth skin. His neck was warm, it was easy to feel where the letters sat, as they were almost hot to the touch.

Cullen’s eyes closed as I moved my hand, tracing gently the golden letters and stepping closer to him. His hands settled at my sides and his fingertips brushed where he knew is name was across my back. I would have bet anything that he could feel the same kind of unnatural warmth coming through the light armor I had donned.

I briefly reveled in the intimate embrace. Everything felt light and airy, but I was not afraid of floating away or losing myself. More than ever before it seemed as if I had found my place in life, as if this is where I was meant to be. I had discovered I could do something important and necessary, even more so than being the First of my clan. I sighed softly before letting my hand drop.

“Thank you.”

He smiled wide, his fingers digging into my sides as he did so, “You’re welcome.”

I stepped back and turned to the back of the room, “Cassandra?”

Cullen nodded, “And Leliana and Roderick, I suspect. We should be going.”

He lead the way into the room, where we found more arguing.

Leliana’s shrewd eyes followed us as we walked in, I was sure she was taking in the literal ruffling of Cullen’s feathers and my flushed cheeks. She said nothing, just smiled at me gamely before winking and focusing on the argument at hand.

Cassandra was leaning into Roderick’s face, “I will do what I must and you cannot stop me. Order must be restored.”

The chancellor scoffed loudly, “You have no authority.”

Cassandra smiled, her feline grace evident, “I have every authority.” She reached behind her and grabbed a heavy tome so she could place it on the table in front of us, “You know what this is.”

Roderick frowned even as Leliana smiled, “This changes nothing.”

Cassandra stepped towards him, “It changes everything. I can and will do what needs to be done. The Chantry failed and so now a new power must be evoked to restore order to Thedas. I am creating a new Inquisition. We will lead this world into a better and brighter future.”

The older man scoffed and then walked out, shaking his head.

Cassandra looked over at me, “We are going to need you if we’re going to do this.”

Leliana stepped towards me, “I believe that we can restore order, as the Divine wanted, but we cannot do it without your help. I imagine,” she threw a sidelong glance at me and Cullen, “Now that your found your Name you’ll be wanting to stay anyway.”

Cullen frowned and Cassandra jumped, “Your Name? You’re _Dalish,_ you don’t have a _Name._ ”

Leliana shook her head, “I saw it myself Cassandra, she had a Name.”

The raven haired woman crossed her arms and stared me down, “ _I_ don’t have a name, why on earth would you have one?”

Cullen softened, “Cassandra…”

She looked at him, alarmed, “ _You?_ You’re her _Name?_ ”

I nodded sheepishly and looked to the ground, “I’m staying because I want to help, I would help regardless if Cullen was here or not.”

Cassandra groaned, “This is ridiculous. We need to be focused, not having naming ceremonies.”

Cullen moved closer to me and put an arm around my waist, “Cassandra that’s now what we’re here for and you know that.”

Leliana waked to me and Cullen looking over us all, “Cassandra, we may be able to use this to our advantage. Once Josephine arrives I’ll wager she can use this to our favor.”

Cassandra looked over us all, “It appears I am outvoted.”

Leliana nodded and moved to the large table, and Cassandra turned to look at a giant map of Fereldan which was laid there.

Cullen pulled me close for a moment, letting out a deep breath before walking to the table, “Let’s begin, shall we?”

\---

Varric, Solas, Cassandra and I went to the Hinterlands to meet with this Mother Giselle, and along the way the Seeker was quiet and withdrawn.

Varric was shooting her glances for two hours before he finally walked over to me and asked, “Blondie, what’s the matter with the Seeker?”

I sighed deeply, “She is… apparently, Nameless.”

The dwarf snorted, “And you think she’s what? Jealous?”

I frowned, “She’s something. She seemed rather... sad almost that I had one.”

His eyes softened, “Did she really?”

“Yeah.”

He thought for a moment, “I bet you she just needs someone. She’s a person under all that armor; someone has to remind her of that.”

I nodded, “She could perhaps use some time to relax, or at least to blow off a little steam.”

“She does have a lot of weight on her shoulders right now. Starting the Inquisition is no small feat. It takes a lot of balls and even more brains. Leliana has her back, but she can’t afford to be resenting you or Cullen right now.”

“She implied that the only reason we were helping was because of each other.”

Varric scoffed, “That’s hardly fair.”

I sighed deeply, “I just don’t know what to do.”

His smile was quick and then it was gone, “I have a few ideas.”

\---

Mother Giselle was accommodating and found her way back to Haven with us, tending to those wounded in our charge up the mountain and dispensing advice without prejudice.

The inner circle continued to guard my secret, keeping me safe from those who would turn me over to the circle and allowing Cullen and I to spend time together. I spent four days in the Hinterlands before heading back to Haven in preparation for Val Royeaux.

Cullen introduced me to Josephine, and together they educated me on Templars and the Chantry and above all, how to act with each of them.

They were both patient and kind, although Josephine seemed to be always watching us.

Cullen did his best to remain professional when we were outside of our living quarters, although an errant hand did sometimes sweep across my back, sending tingles all up and down my back and sides.

It was hard not to react, although I learned very quickly on my first day back that I could always return the favor.

“You _must_ remember, there will always be eyes on you from the moment you step inside the city,” Josephine said.

Cullen nodded and his hand slowly drew a circle on my back, “You must not underestimate their deductive capabilities. They will take anything and everything you do and find some meaning in it you would never have thought of, and they will make use of it however they can.”

Tingles were shooting up my spine and making it hard to concentrate, I nodded vacantly, “I understand. Keep everything under wraps.”

His hand stopped moving and the sparks lessened,  “We’re being serious, Elena.”

I sat up in my chair and casually put a hand on his neck and leaned in, fingers swirling over gold, “I _understand_ commander.”

I saw him shiver, before he turned to Josephine, “Would you give us a moment Josephine?”

She nodded, even though we were the ones in her office. Minaeve and her assistant followed her out and Cullen and I were alone.

He looked down at me, “Don’t _do_ that.”

I removed my hand and leaned back, “You were just doing the same thing to me!”

Surprised, he looked down at his hand and removed it quickly, “Oh—uh. Sorry about that.”

I smiled slowly and leaned into him, “No worries.”

Cullen frowned down at me before smiling and then pressing his lips to mine in a soft kiss, his hand moving back behind me to ghost over my Name again, renewing the sparks which stopped moving over me instead turned inward and pressed between my legs, causing a surge of wet.

I moaned and wiggled in my seat, pulling mine closer to his and leaning into his kiss further.

His other hand settled on my waist and he tilted his head, deepening the kiss and sweeping his tongue into my mouth.

The handle jiggled and we both jumped apart, settling back in our seats.

Josephine gave us a flat look, “You _both_ may be excused, seeing as you cannot concentrate.”

Cullen blushed fiercely and grabbed at his neck, “Sorry Josephine.”

She just sighed and waved her hands at us, dismissing us.

Cullen stood and nodded at me and I followed him out, waving sheepishly at Josephine as I went.

I jogged to keep up with Cullen, “So, Cullen, would you mind accompanying me back to my room? Perhaps we can have dinner together.”

He case me a sidelong glance, “You just got back last night, you need your rest.”

I stopped just inside the doors of the Chantry, “Cullen, I have hardly seen you since I got back. I almost would think you’re avoiding me.”

He swallowed heavily.

“ _Are_ you avoiding me?”

He sighed, “The soldiers they have been… talking.”

“I’ve been gone four days, how can they be talking?”

He shook his head, “They are worse than housewives, they are. They are saying… Well according to Leliana they are saying that we have had… relations.”

“Relations?”

He gave me a weighty look, and I blushed with understanding.

“Oh. Well, that’s um. Where would they get that idea?”

“You came out of my tent and then we, er, kissed at your door Elena.”

I nooded, “Oh, right.”

He smiled, “Right.”

“Still, come have dinner with me?”

Cullen sighed with assent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh all your comments are so nice and encouraging, thank you all so much for them! I really appreciate all of the feedback. :) I am going to try to avoid recapping gameplay as much as I can, hopefully what I've done here is all right!


	6. His Hands on My Skin

 I bustled around the cabin quickly throwing together some food the residents of Haven had brought me upon my return. It seemed everyone wanted to cook for the Herald, and I was not going to turn them down.

I considered it, but Josephine informed me that would be very rude to turn down their hospitality; so I assented and now had more food than I knew what to do with.

I set some soup over the fire in a pot and then bustled about arranging and warming some cake I was given just at the very edge of the fire. Cullen watched me moved about with sharp eyes.

“You’re very good at this,” he commented.

I threw a smile in his direction while pulling together some vegetables, “I’m used to cooking on the road, this is a vast improvement from cooking over an open fire. I didn’t even have to make most of this, the people of Haven keep coming by and giving me food. Josephine won’t let me turn them down, said it would be rude. So, I figured it’s probably your Name-ly duty to help me eat it all.”

Cullen chuckled lightly and came up behind me, watching over my shoulder as I carefully cleaned and sliced some carrots, “I am happy to help however I can.” He paused as his hands drifted over my back again tracing over my Name, whisper soft, “I feel almost as if I’ve memorized where it is.”

I smiled at the carrots, “I feel the same way.”

He leaned into me slightly and pulled at the back of my shirt, freeing it from my trousers, and then lifted it up. He sighed and pressed his hand flat against my spine, the leather of his gloves soft against my skin, “You know, my dear, you’ve been gone a while.”

I nodded, still concentrating on dinner.

Light touches started tracing their way across my back, causing me to visibly shiver. Somehow while I was gone any inhibitions we had left had dissolved in the space of longing for one another, missing each other, when I came back all there was to do was to discover. I had decided to trust in my Name, in the idea of being Named, and part of that meant exploring, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I took a sharp breath when one of his nails dug softly into my skin and traced just under where the letters ended, moving slowly from one side to the other. I set the knife down when magic started surging to my fingers, prompted on when the nail was followed by a light scratch down one side of my spine, directly over the ‘ll’. One of his arms wrapped around the front of my hips and pulled my hips back into his.

Cullen moved suddenly, pulling my bottom flush with his erection as his other hand gently kept my shoulders in place so I was slightly bent over the table. This kept my back exposed so he could continue trailing his fingers across the letters there. I could feel his cock twitch in response as he pulled me harder back into him and traced over the ‘C’.

“I don’t know if I will ever get tired of seeing it,” he whispered, voice hoarse and heavy with lust.

I leaned so my head was on my forearms which were resting on the counter, allowing him more access to my back and pushing my weight forward. I pushed back into him, a little harder than before eliciting a sharp breath from his lips, sounding more labored than even I felt. His arm around my hips tensed, his hand dragging heavily to push into the front of my pelvis, his fingers tantalizingly close to touching me. Everything with in me ached for him to touch me, for his hand so slip down just a little further and to give me the friction I was craving before, hopefully, removing his gloves and find a use for his long fingers.

“Cullen,” I breathed, pushing further back even as he ground forward into me.

Every time his hand pushed of his hips thrust there was a surge of heat which found its way between my legs, making my breathing harsh ad labored. One of his hands was still trailing over my back, making it warm and sending tingles all through my lower body. His other hand pressed into my front more firmly and just barely moved lower so I could feel the ghost of some pressure over my clit.

He leaned into me and pressed his lips to the back of his neck, the hand which was tracing my Name moving around my waist and up, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.

A loud, insistent knocking came from the door, “Commander! Herald! There’s an urgent message for you from Lady Leliana!”

Cullen swore under his breath, “Andraste’s tits, void _take_ it,” then louder, “One moment!”

Cullen stood up fully and took me with him, righting my shirt so it was tucked again into my trousers. He spun me around so I was facing him, and I was surprised to see he wasn’t embarrassed about being caught with me, he was annoyed.

He leaned down and kissed me hard on the lips, for just long enough that my eyes lost focus and my legs felt weak.

His smile was fond when he pulled back, but he quickly grew annoyed again as he walked to the door.

He threw it open, “What’s the message?”

The scout looked startled and looked back at me before concentrating on the commander, “Lady Leliana said, word for word, ‘ _Tell them to stay there tonight. There is something brewing in the outside camp.’_ ”

Cullen frowned, “What _exactly_ is brewing?”

The scout shrugged, “I couldn’t tell ‘ya, just wanted me to press the importance on you both that you stay inside the cabin. While she deals with the problem.”

“I should help her,” Cullen said, sighing with disappointment.

The scout blushed, “No ser, she insists you do not help!”

He growled, “I will help if there is a problem.” Then under his breath, “I will not give Lady Cassandra more ammo for her skulking.”

Cullen walked over to me and ran his nose up mine before walking back to the door, “I will return as soon as I can.”

I nodded at him and watched him carefully close the door behind him.

When he left it was as if a string was cut and I could become limp, but I still had more energy than ever. My magic was reaching out and looking for him as my blood sang with recognition of where he was heading, he moved in the direction of Leliana’s tent and then stopped.

I sighed and slumped onto the counter, taking deep breaths and trying to calm down. I was embarrassingly ready, my thighs slightly damp and my cunt aching. I sighed again, this time more forcefully, thinking purposefully about dinner and the soup I had warming.

I walked to the hearth and stirred the soup there, watching the flamed flicker absently before checking on the cake.

I pulled away the cake, working on the assumption that Cullen would be true to his word and return soon.

I felt him move again, my magic surging more gently this time, and then moving to the surface as he walked back to my cabin. I turned my head and followed the trail, anticipating his arrival, the insistent throbbing in my clit making me hope he would pick up where we left off.

He entered on a huff, “It seems there is a spy in the camp and Leliana does not want either of us in a place where it’s easy to overhear people, like in a tent. Apparently they have plans for him and can’t just dispatch with him, which was my recommendation…” His face grew slightly red, “D-do you—Well, do you mind if I stay here tonight? We can’t have you… appearing again.”

I smiled, and nodded, “I swear, I still have no idea why that happened.”

Cullen nodded, “We could ask Solas, maybe it has something to do with your mark, dreams and the Fade and all that interacting with it.”

He walked over to a chair in the corner and shrugged off his coat and then started pulling on the straps of his armor. I watched with fascination as he pulled piece by piece away, starting first with his bracers and then moving up and inward, ending with his chest plate before pulling off his heavy boots. He placed them all carefully on the floor and then turned to me, now dressed only in his trousers and tunic.

Each piece had revealed something I knew, from the brief times I had seen him without armor, that Cullen was still very broad underneath the armor. His shoulders were wide and strong, seeming as if they could bear any load across them, forearms with a light dusting of hair and finely veined were on display underneath pushed up sleeves. He did it all so casually, removing the physical reminders that he was Commander Cullen and relaxing into his role of Cullen the man, someone who was at home with his Name and enjoying an evening meal

 The difference was subtle, but it felt like he was lighter.

“That is quite the involved process,” I observed.

Cullen walked towards me, shaking his head, “I know, it can be tedious, but the men needs to see their Commander always at the ready, prepared to fight every day. It helps with morale, even just a little.”

“Makes sense,” I told him, before observing, “You’re a good leader.”

His hands wrapped around me again, pulling me close, “I do my best.”

I leaned into him, giving him almost all of my weight, “The food is almost done.”

He looked down at me, his eyes bright, “Right.”

I tried to respond, mouth open and throat working, but Cullen was suddenly looking at me with a heavy gaze, his eyes hot and the gold in his irises glowing in the evening light. He leaned down slowly into me, and then all at once lips were pressed against mine again, moving softly back and forth in a tender caress before pressing in deeper.

His tongue darted out and gently lapped at my bottom lip. I gasped and he took advantage, immediately stepping into me and sweeping his tongue into my mouth. My knees grew shakey and Cullen moved quickly to support me by slinging a hand around my waist and ten one under my bottom, pulling me up so my legs had to wrap around him.

I was suspended in his arms, my most intimate parts pressed flat against his abdomen. His show of strength took my breath away, it was not showy or something he did to prove himself. It just simply was. Cullen was a man who could take care of himself and his family, both physically and otherwise.

I panted against his lips as he worked me, his lips drifting from my lips and down my neck lips soft and gentle until he met my shoulder, when he bit down slightly. I pressed further into him, pressing on his shoulders and groaning, needing more fiction than my position was currently providing.

“Cullen,” I begged, “I need—“

He backed me into the counter, setting me atop it and then silenced me with a tilt of his head, pressing a kiss to me deeper and more feral then before. This, it seemed, was something he was comfortable with. Kissing Cullen seemed natural, either a side effect of out Naming or of our natural chemistry. We could both move and do as we saw fit and knew instinctually that we would be received well.

His hand moved up my side roughly, rucking up part of my shirt and then drifting under it to my breast, pressing in until his thumb found my nipple, circling insistently. His hands were calloused from years of sword play and battle, but the contrast was delicious against my smooth skin. He was world weary and dedicated, his devotion clear in all of his scars and marks, the imperfections that reminded me of what truly made him so perfect.

I sighed and pressed closer to him again, this time to lift up his shirt to seek out smooth, warm bare skin. I let my fingers trail over the planes and valleys of his muscles, the structure of him build to defend and protect, not to show off or appear handsome. He was as he was by necessity and a dedication to always being ready, being the man he knew we all needed.

It was my turn to be the woman he needed.

I pulled back slightly, “I—Cullen, I need you too—Well. I _need_ you, but you must know I missed you when I was gone, I missed you horribly and I find that whenever I am with you, everything is better. The worlds seems less scary, but more so you seem so perfect, I cannot imagine someone who is better than you.”

His face fell quickly, so fast I almost didn’t catch it before his face was pressed into my shoulder, his hands wrapping around to ghost across my bottom, “You _need_ me?”

I wiggled, “Well yes.”

He looked over his shoulder, “What about dinner?”

I leaned around him, “Ah. We should probably eat…”

He chuckled, “We should eat, we can always pick up after dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another two update day! This had been quite the week for me writing wise. As always, I hope you enjoyed!


	7. Her Deepest Fears

Dinner was light, a broth based soup with some bread and chocolate cake for dessert. I hadn’t thought about it, but Cullen ate through everything he could, reminding me that he was an active man and likely needed more food than I had provided. He cleared his bowl twice in the time took me to eat though one bowl.

“I can make more if you need,” I told him, “Creators know I have plenty more.”

He shook his head, “I am quite certain that the citizens of Haven did not bring you food so that I could eat it. I have encroached enough on your hospitality as it is.”

I set an elbow on the table and set my chin on top of a fist, “Cullen, please. I must insist.”

His gaze grew hot, raking over my chest and then my face, “I rather have other things on my mind.”

Struggling to swallow, I said, “Is this… I don’t know. Going too fast?”

He leaned back, concern clouding his features, “Do you believe it is going too fast?”

Quickly I stood and moved to him, shaking my head as I went, “It doesn’t feel like it, no. I know logically I should think it’s moving way too fast, but somehow I just don’t. It’s like there’s some kind of disconnect.”

He reached out a hand and planted it on my waist, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, I only ask that you… I don’t know, stay with me. Er, that is, not _that_ way, just, you know… In general.”

I chuckled and leaned down into him, pressing a kiss to his curls and trailing a hand across the back of his neck, “I wasn’t planning on going anywhere, darling.”

He nearly choked, “I—Maker’s tears. _Darling.”_

Leaning back, I took in his wide eyes and flushed cheeks, “You don’t like it?”

He leaned in and pressed his face into my front, “No… quite the opposite.”

I shook with silent laughter this time, to spare him more embarrassment.

He stayed where he was, his hot breath pushing through my tunic and warming my middle, his hands slightly moving over my back for a moment before he stood.

Expression serious and eyes focused, he spoke very deliberately, “You don’t mind if I stay here?”

I shook my head.

“Do you want me to stay on the floor?”

I shook my head and looked down at the floor, “Uh, if you don’t mind, it was rather nice sleeping with you when I was sick… I would not mind a repeat.”

He smiled slowly and leaned in to kiss me lightly, “As the lady wishes.”

I huffed, “I’m Dalish, hardly a lady.”

One rough finger reached out to trace over the tattoos on my face, following the swirls under my eyes and over my temple, “I know that.”

“I will never be anything else,” I informed him.

“I would not ask you to be anyone other than who you are, my dear.”

I smiled, “ _My dear?”_

He flushed, “I—yes. That would be you.”

My lips met his again, moving softly over his before he groaned and tilted his head, deepening the kiss and pressing his tongue gently into my mouth.

My sighs were soft and gentle, and he seemed determined to swallow each one of them, his lips hardly left mine and I could hear his breathing turning harsh, his chest moving rapidly under my hands.

I trailed my fingers over soft planes and valleys, over smooth sides and then down to rest at his hips.

Cullen pulled back and smiled down at me, “I missed you so.”

I walked over to the bedroom, pulling him behind me. “I am determined to kiss you more, but I have to admit I don’t think now is the time for anything… more.”

Cullen nodded, smiling kindly at me, “I understand.”

 

\---

Falling asleep in someone’s arms was a new experience for me. The last time we had shared a bed I was mostly in a coma so I had no memories of being put into bed or of Cullen climbing into it with me.

His body was warm and large behind me, relaxed after we had spent a great deal of time sharing soft kisses and gently stroking one another’s names. His hands never ceased to send trails of goose bumps over me and incite sparks under my skin. It was like nothing I had seen before in my limited experience, and I knew no one else who was Names I could ask about it.

Cullen fell asleep quickly, an arm heavy around my waist and his breath hot on my neck. I was relaxed in front of him, one hand playing gently with his long fingers as he slept, tracing over the lines in his palm and outlining the callouses he had earned by the sword.

Cullen slept shirtless much to my delight, and the sight of his scares was burned into the back of my eyes, resurfacing every time I tried to fall asleep. I had the overwhelming desire to kiss all of them, to coax from his lips the stories behind each nick and cut, some which had gone so deep the scares were corded and thick, and many more which were smaller and looked like they could have come from nails or teeth.

I sighed and listlessly glanced around the room, trying to get anything to catch my attention. There were no interesting books on the shelf, the fire was too low and subdued to be of any real distraction.

I kept imagining Cullen being caught in a fight with demons, their claws and teeth tearing into his shoulders, surrounding him and overpowering him as one by one they tore him apart.

I shuddered and my breathing quickened. I felt panic pulling up into my throat and I turned around under his arm so I could press my face into his chest, listening intently to his heart beating strong beneath his skin.

Cullen groaned and popped one eyes open, “Elena, wha’s the matter?”

I burrowed further into him. “Your job is a dangerous one,” I told him.

He chuckled, his voice still deep and rough with sleep, “As is yours.”

I hadn’t honestly thought of it that way. I did not like the idea of Cullen leaving me, but I detested the thought of leaving him behind.

“I—Creators. I hadn’t thought about this before now.”

“Elena,” he sighed, “This is not the time for long, heavy thoughts.” He pulled me closer, one hand slipping under my shirt and pressing flat against my Name, “You’re home, we’re together, and we have ages in front of us. There are dangers, but the lives we lead… There is no way to avoid it. We will overcome them I am certain, and once we do we can think on what we want to do after.”

“How can you be so sure we’ll overcome them?”

Weariness entered his voice, “I have been through… much in the past. I cannot believe I overcame those trials only to fall at the very end. Or at least, what I hope is the end.”

I nodded silently, mulling over his words.

“Sleep, Elena,” he told me.

And so I put aside my thoughts and drifted into a restless sleep.

 

\---

I was awoken the next morning by a raven cawing at my front door.

Cullen groaned and rolled so his back was to the door, waving a hand over his side and up at me, “You get it.”

I had barely slept but I rose anyway and opened the door to find one of Leliana’s ravens on the other side. There was a message tied to its leg, which I deftly removed before the raven flew off again, headed for Leliana’s tent.

The small piece of paper was covered in careful hand writing.

_Spy still in camp. Remain inside with Commander. Cannot know of Name._

I sighed deeply and returned to bed, reveling in the warmth Cullen’s body provided under the blankets.

“Leliana says we have to remain in here today,” I told him, curling into his back as I did.

He reached over and pulled one of my hands around his waist and then settled back into the mattress, “Go back to sleep, then. I’ll get up soon and complain about how she’s put me behind later.”

I laughed but then let sleep take me again.  

\---

I dreamed this time, of Cullen’s hands moving slowly over me, tracing over what scars I had and kissing them as if he could will them away with his actions.

His voice was heavy with lust and his eyes reflected that, glowing golden and blown out so they were dark and enticing. “Elena,” he whispered, “Please let me have you.”

“As if you need ask,” I teased.

The smirk he gave me made my belly drop and cheeks flush even as his hand slipped into my smalls and brushed over me, one finger languidly tracing over my clit as his over moved over my side, brushing over the soft skin of my hips and waist.

I gasped and ground down into him, clawing at his forearms, seeking greater pressure and more friction.

“Elena…” I heard, but I ignored it, choosing to kiss him again instead, tongue pressing into his bottom lip briefly before I felt his invade my mouth, tasting deeply and thoroughly.

“Elena!” his voice was sharper this time, prompting me to jerk awake with wide eyes and a flushed body.

Cullen was as red as I had ever seen him, “You were uh… Asleep.”

I looked down between us and noticed I was clinging to him, “Oh. Sorry about that.”

I released him and rolled to my back, trying to gain some control of myself.

He did similar, breathing deeply as his blush faded.

I apologized quickly, “I am so sorry I was having a dream—I… Well there is nothing to say really.”

Cullen was clearly mulling over something before he clearly came to a decision. He leaned into me slowly, his eyes locked with mine as he brushed his lips over mine.

It was delicious and slow, sweet and asking gently, speaking for him where words would have failed. His lips were soft and relaxed, careful not to push too much or move too fast, it was all at once much too slow but also exactly what I needed. I need to know that he could move slowly even as every fiber of my being called out for us to move faster.

His fingers found my back again, pushing heat to the apex of my thighs and shivers up my spine. It was simple action but somehow it caused so much pleasure in me, to have him touching his name on me, to know he was relishing the fact that he was my Name.

My response was quick, I pushed into him insistently, kissing him harder before whispering, “I think I’m done moving slow.”

Cullen smiled, “Thank the Maker.”

He rolled so he was completely on top of me, his hands moving down my sides and then up to cup my breasts over my night shirt, thumbs brushing over my nipples before he slipped my shirt off. He found me nipples immediately, his thumbs working them into stiff peaks before his mouth descended. Swirling his tongue caused my back to arch off the bed, the heat building again in my pelvis, coating my thighs further and making me ache.

The sleepiness from my dream as gone but the want it left was still there, I desperately wanted to feel his fingers touching me for real, to savor his hands moving all over my body and warming me completely until I fell apart.

“Cullen,” I begged, “Please hurry.”

He lifted his head and looked at me with some mild shock before smiling slowly. He seemed comfortable here, with me, I could feel how he thought this was right, how it was all as the Maker intended and had planned for him and his Name.

He made quick work of my trousers and his, leaving us both bare and breaths coming harsh between us in the late morning light.

He leaned down and kissed me softly, one digit pressing into me lightly, finding me ready and waiting. Cullen groaned, “Elena, you will be the death of me.”

“Not a bad way to go,” I joked.

He cut off my laughs by adding another finger, watching my reaction intently as he worked me, deftly stretching me just a little more before he crooked both fingers, pressing up and against my sweet spot.

My gasp was harsh, “Cullen!”

It didn’t take long for his searching fingers to bring me to orgasm, my walls clenching around his fingers as they stilled, waiting for me to ride out the waves.

Once they had calmed, I felt him guide himself to my entrance. He looked down at me, doubt clouding his previously sure eyes.

“Y-you’re sure, uh—About this?”

I nodded and lifted my hips slightly, “I don’t think I have ever been surer.”

He smiled and then his jaw went slack as he slid slowly into me, very inch of him wide and pressing me open further until he was buried to the hilt.

He rocked his hips slowly, platitudes and my name on his lips alternatively. He moved sure, pressing into me with speed and grace which he displayed in almost everything physical. It was absolutely magical, bringing sparks to my fingers and heating me thoroughly.

The pressure began building in my pelvis again and I desperately tried to channel my magic away, pushing it into the fire and making lighting strike outside once or twice.

Cullen didn’t stop, simply smiled down at me before moving faster, his hands pulling my hips into his thrusts as my nails scrabbled for purchase on his back.

It didn’t take much longer before the wakes broke over me again, lightning striking outside the cabin again as I yelled, “Cullen!”

It took him only two more thrusts before he followed me, my name a breath on his lips.

He collapsed on top of me, his cock still twitching lightly inside of me.

“Well…” he said, “I think he secret may be out.”

I smiled, “I have no regrets.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh sorry for the delay. I ran into like, major blockage over this chapter, but I finally worked past it! Mostly though looking at a lot of fan art and reading some great fics. :) Hope you all enjoyed! I broke pattern with the chapter title this time. ;A; It seemed appropriate though.


	8. Her Sudden Clarity

Cullen dropped his head to my shoulder and planted light kisses there, pressing his nose against me and breathing deep as he did so.

“You know,” he whispered, “You smell quite good. Like flowers, somehow.”

“I brought some soap from home, we Dalish like floral scents.”

I felt his lips stretch into a smile, “Then I must write a letter of thanks to your Clan.”

I nodded and let my hands trail along his back, scratching lightly.

Cullen’s groan vibrated through his chest and then into me, “Oh Maker… That feels wonderful.”

His back arched as I moved across and then down, feeling out his broad shoulders and scratching briefly over his neck before moving along his spine.

He groaned again, “Why do you think our names are so… sensitive?”

I shook my head, “You don’t know anything?”

“I do not,” he sighed, “as much as my family spoke of Names and being Named, we never spoke o-of…” Cullen cleared his throat.

“Ohhhh… I see,” I snickered, “So it could be or it could not be a Name thing.”

Rolling so I was on top, he looked up into my eyes, “Exactly.”

I ran my nose along his, falling silent for a moment before dropping my head down to his shoulder.

“W-what… Made you change your mind?”

I lifted my head again, “Pardon?”

He blushed and looked over my shoulder, “What made you decide you… Believed?”

I planted a kiss to his collar bone, “I decided that… Well. Maker or no Maker, this Naming business has to be magic. My Keeper taught me to respect magic and that where magic is involved, it’s a lot better to go along with things instead of fighting them.”

Cullen met my eyes and smiled, “I think your Keeper was a very smart woman.”

I nodded, “She is indeed. I value her advice above all others.”

“I value Mia’s.”

My head fell to its side, “Mia?”

“My sister,” he informed me, “She’s still back home with a small brood of children… I don’t write her nearly as often as I should.”

“Speaking of writing, how exactly would I get a message to my clan?”

He heaved his shoulders, “I don’t know. We can always send a messenger, so long as you know where they are.”

I smiled, “Thank you.”

“It’s the least I can do,” he paused, “I should really tell her you and I met…”

My face fell, “You’re… Well. Right about that. I should tell my Keeper.”

He ran a hand up into my hair, slowly pulling at the braids there, “Why do you look worried?”

“She’ll be telling me that she told me so, but more than that, I don’t want the Templars to go after my Clan again.”

He pulled deftly at my braids, running his fingers against my scalp an then down each length as he let them free, “Would you like me to send them a protection detail?”

“No…” I mused, “That would just alarm them. Until they send word of trouble, it’s best to let them be.”

He nodded, “As you wish. Now, bed time my darling.”

I moved so I was snuggled into his side, “Right. Sleep.”

He pressed his lips to my hair, “Good night.”

“Night.”

\---

Cassandra knocked on my door early the next morning, “Herald! I have need of you!”

She pushed open the door, “Elena, please, you leave for Val Royeaux in two days, we have a lot to go over.”

I turned over in bed and pushed further into Cullen’s side. I listened as Cassandra took two steps inside and then stopped, “O-oh. I didn’t. Please excuse me. I’ll wait outside.”

I smiled into Cullen’s side and then listened to his chest rumble.

“Good morning,” he groaned, stretching lightly.

“Morning handsome,” I giggled, swinging my legs out and then moving to collect my clothing. “Cassandra is waiting outside, apparently we have more to go over. I imagine she’ll want you to join us.”

I grabbed a shirt and turned to Cullen, stopping when I noticed he was watching me with wide eyes, blushing fiercely.

I looked down, eyes trailing over slim hips and rounded curves, “What do I have a mark somewhere?”

He shook his head quickly, “I-I… Did not realize your marks carried, uh, downward.”

I glanced down and ran a hand over my hips, where more swirls matching those under my eyes say, curling over my hipbones and then back and down over my hips properly.

I pulled on the shirt and walked to him, “I got them when I turned 21 to match.”

He reached out a hand and trailed it lightly over the swirls, “Apparently I don’t pay much attention.”

“We were,” I smiled, “a little preoccupied.”

He blushed deeper, “Uh, Cassandra is waiting for us.”

I walked to my wardrobe and pulled out a skirt, wrapping myself in the deep blue, “Right you are, we should get going.”

He rose from the mattress quickly, his muscles bunching and relaxing in tandem allowing him to smoothly pull on his tunic and trousers and then donning his armor.

I stepped out first, slipping on some leather sandals before I went. Cassandra was leaning against the wall, blushing slightly but mostly looking affronted.

“Are you quite done?” she asked, kicking off of the wall and moving to face me head on.

I shot her a cheeky smile, “For now anyway.”

She groaned and then shot Cullen a glare when he emerged from the doorway, “You two are insufferable. We have much to do before we leave Herald and today is the last day we have to do so. Tomorrow we must prepare to leave.”

I sighed, “Right. And then we’ll be gone for a week.”

Cassandra nodded, walking towards the Chantry as Cullen and I trailed behind her, “Indeed.”

I grabbed Cullen’s hand as we made the short walk, ignoring the various guards who were smiling at us behind their hands.

I leaned into him, talking low enough so only Cassandra and Cullen could hear me, “Would it make things better or worse if they knew you are my Name?”

Cullen shrugged but Cassandra’s voice drifted back to us, “Truly, I do not know. I think we should wait things out and see. It may be seen as a boost in morale if they believe the Maker brought you together, but I do not know how they will feel about an Elf receiving his blessing.”

I nodded, “You’re probably right about that.”

Cullen’s hand gripped mine tighter, “All will be well Elena. Believe me.”

\---

The day was filled with more lessons and more lectures from Josephine, her knowing eyes spent the whole time raking over both Cullen and I. Eventually Cullen rose and excused himself, punks just starting to turn pink.

Josie turned to me, “It will be some time before the Commander can enter the capitol. He can’t handle the eyes on one Antivian, he would never be able to handle the full weight of Court.”

I smiled at her, “So was this all a test? Test me with more facts and try to make me fall off my game?”

Josie’s eyes shone and she smiled slowly, “You know me too well, Your Worship. Now, if you will excuse me, I have much to do and I am sure you want to spend time with your Commander.”

I smiled, “And _you_ know _me_ too well.”

I stood and gathered the notes I had taken, stopping when she spoke suddenly, “If you… can spare a moment. There are some questions people have been asking which I would like your input on.”

I set the notes down again, “What have they been asking?”

“Well,” she said, “This is difficult, Lady Lavellan, but I must ask you about your ties to magic and your clan. There are nosy courtiers who would love to have any morsel of what it’s like to be Dalish.”

I sighed, “Being Dalish is… It’s all I know. I could no sooner describe that to you as I am sure you could tell me what it’s like to be human.”

She nodded, “I see… And about the Commander.”

I raised a brow, “Are you suggesting we tell them that a mysterious Dalish woman has a Name?”

Josephine sat back in her chair, “I was thinking that we could… Play up your holiness with it. Keep the Dalish from scrutiny by implying that the Maker chose you to be Andraste’s Herald, and in doing so you were blessed with a Name.”

“Josie…” I ran through it quickly, “That would be the best option, if we were to tell them.” I admitted, “But I would have to ask Cullen first. We haven’t even told our families yet, telling all of Thedas is a little bit of a jump.”

Her dark hair bounced slightly as she nodded, thinking over my words as she fidgeted with a ring, “Let me know what he has to say. I think it would lend us a great deal of credibility if we were able to give them something to… relate to. If they could see you have something as fundamental to their faith as a Name, I think they would be a lot more willing to stand behind us.”

I nodded and gathered up my things again, “I’ll let you know before we leave.”

“Much appreciated.”

\---

I searched the Chantry for Cullen but he was nowhere to be found. I made my way quickly out the doors and down the path, making for the training pitch.

“Blondie!” I heard called over my shoulder.

I spun on my heel, changing direction and heading for Varric’s bonfire, “Varric!”

He smiled, “So you and Curly huh?”

I smiled, “I… Decided to go for it.”

“Even though he’s a no good dirty rotten Templar?”

“Even though.”

The dwarf crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, “Is what why the Seeker’s in such a foul mood?”

I sat down on a log and put my hands out, warming them, “I haven’t the foggiest. I just assumed she was always that way.”

Varric perched next to me, his actions mirroring my own in a subtle showing of comradery, “She doesn’t have a Name.”

I nodded, “I do remember her mentioning that.”

Varric sighed, “You don’t understand. Names are sort of the end all be all for humans. Not having a name means either you’re going to end up with someone who’s not human, which is scandalous all on its own, or you’ll end up alone.”

“That’s rather… Dour thinking.”

“I know, humans right?” He scooted closer to the fire his large hands glowing lightly at the edges as he said softly, “I think she looks at you and sees what she wanted. The Commander he… Embodies everything the Seeker wants, and he didn’t tell anyone he had a name. Mind you he didn’t hide it either, but it was always hidden under that damn fur of his. I think she was secretly hoping he was nameless to.”

Shame suddenly washed over me, “So… She hates me?”

Cassandra had known Cullen for years, for her to never know a name must have been not only a betrayal of her trust, but also a huge disappointment. Surely those he trusted knew of his name, and she must feel as if he had no regard for her at all, both romantically and on a more base level.

Varric pushed one warmed hand into his hair and looked over at me, “I don’t think she does. I think she hates the Maker, which unsettles her. I think she also looks at people like me, a dwarf with no name, and thinks _this is what my options are._ And she doesn’t like it.”

“Varric,” I began, looking over him closely, “Do you _like_ Cassandra?”

The man narrowed his eyes at me, “She does have some charm under all that rough.”

I nodded, and made for standing, “Good luck then.”

I had to speak with Cullen before I left anyway, now we had much to discuss.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back with another update! Sorry they've come more spaced apart, I've been enormously busy with school and so on.


	9. Her Head Filled With Images

I walked into Cullen’s tent, the flaps flying dramatically behind me as I planted my hands on my hips and stared him down. He was seated at his desk, looking over various reports, as was normal for the Commander, but he sat up when I walked in and gave me his full attention.

“A little birdie told me that our friendly Seeker… Has feelings for you?”

Cullen’s eye brows shot up nearly to his hairline, “Pardon me?”

I walked to him and sat in his lap, “Apparently since you never told her you have a name… She thought you were Nameless too.”

One gloved hand was shoved into his hair and the other settled on my hip, “Maker’s Breath, I had no idea.”

“I think she’s a little bitter about it, to be honest, but it’s not too serious, I don’t think.”

He groaned and dropped his head back, revealing the long tanned column of his neck, “What am I to do?”

I leaned in and planted a kiss to the side of his neck, tongue darting out just briefly to touch there before I leaned in against the fur of his pauldrons. It was amazing how easily we fell in with one another, settling into each other with ease normally borne of years of closeness and a much longer acquaintance than we had had. His hands quickly found the best places to set, my body settled against him and managed to slot with his like I was made to be there. My magic had fully settled down, no longer pulling to be with him but sated and happy, secure knowing that he was mine and there was no need to reach for him anymore. He would always come back, I could feel it down to my bones.

Now that we were properly together, it was impossible to deny the idea that we had been fated to be together. Before it was little more than a feeling in my gut, my magic reaching out for him whenever it could, my blood pounding whenever he spoke. After yesterday the change was quick, so quick I didn’t notice it until we were alone together again.

His hands wrapped fully around me and hauled me further up his lap so my hips were nestled against his. I sighed and informed him, “I would just leave it be. Bringing it up would just make her uncomfortable, and besides, Varric has a plan.”

He looked down his nose at me, “Varric?”

I pursed my lips, “Yes, Varric. I think he rather fancies her.”

Cullen leaned back, sighing in defeat, “If you say so.”

\---

Cullen kicked me out of his tent shortly after, patting me gently on the hips and telling me he had more work to do, but he would join me at Dusk. I left skipping happily along, dusk was only a couple of hours away and the sun already about to disappear behind the Chantry.

I took a cursory glance around the training pitch and accidentally locked eyes with Cassandra. The seeker jerked her head up and then over, motioning for me to approach her. I walked towards her slowly, watching as she turned and took a few more swings with her sword at a practice dummy.

As I got close, she planted the sharp end into the frozen soil and leaned on it slightly, looking me over.

“Herald,” she greeted me.

“Seeker Cassandra,” I replied.

“I must apologize for the intrusion this morning, I did not know you had… company,” the Seeker’s cheeks turned slightly pink and she looked away.

I shuffled on my feet, “It’s all right. I should be the one apologizing, I could have warned you appropriately.”

Her short hair swooshed when she shook her head, “It’s in the past now. I simply wished to apologize. I won’t make that mistake in the future.”

I moved closer to her, “You know, you should come over for dinner sometime.”

Her dark head swung around so she could focus on me again, “Dinner?”

I smiled, “Dinner, yes. I think it’s high time we spent some time together.”

One brow rose high over her eye, slightly moving one of her scars, “Spend time together?”

I sighed, “We’re going to be working together and fighting together, yes?”

She nodded.

“So it’s probably best if we got to know one another, we’ll fight together better that way. And who knows, you might have some fun too.”

Cassandra scoffed, one lip curling, “I do not have time for _fun_.”

I shrugged, “So be it then, but the offer stands, if you change your mind.”

I turned and started to walk away, already planning dinner for that night. I remembered that Cullen liked to eat, _a lot,_ so it would have to be more than the broth I had warmed the previous night.

I got halfway across the pitch before Cassandra called after me, “Tomorrow?”

I threw a smile over my shoulder, “Tomorrow!

\---

I pulled a roast and a pot of soup out of the cabinets and set them on the fire to warm. I was still swimming in food from the people of Haven, and even tho I had given away bowls of soup to Varric, Solas, and Mother Giselle, it wasn’t enough.

I took out a loaf of bread and set that on the hearth before bustling about assembling some ale and juice. The sun was sinking under the Frostbacks and I was expecting Cullen to stride through the door at any moment.

Excitement was at the forefront of my mind, forcing me to bounce on my feet as I waited anxiously. It hadn’t been long since I had seen him, but it felt almost wrong to be apart for any amount of time. He kept popping up when I least expected it, any time I saw the bed or had an itch on my back.

I savored the memory of his hands on me, turning to it in idle moment, heating my cheeks and sending a rush of wet between my legs. I bounced from foot to foot in an attempt to alleviate the pressure, but I only managed to make it worse.

I heard footsteps approach the door and it swung open easily before Cullen whose shoulders filled the frame, backlighting him for a moment in glorious golden light before he closed the door and heaved a sigh.

“Thank goodness the day is over,” he said setting down on a nearby chair.

He set a large canvas bag at his side and started pulling off his gloves and then moving onto his boots. I leaned against the table aside him and watched as he went through the well practiced motions of disrobing. One boot thudded to the ground and then the other before he started pulling at the buckles and straps which held on his shoulder pieces and his chest plate.

Deft fingers pulled at hidden ties and straps, and it was mesmerizing to watch. His hands were wide at the palm and long, capable. It was clear he knew how to use them and to use them well, impossibly well. He had been trained from a young age to know how to use his hands to their best advantage, hurling spears and swinging swords.

But they were also gentle, more gently that it seemed possible from someone so large and who had seen so much. They always held me gently and moved carefully, never doing anything without thought or reason.

Culled looked up at me, “You all right?”

I smiled, “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

He leaned back fully, bracing his hands on his knees, “What’s for dinner?”

“Well…” I walked over to the fireplace and stirred the soup and checked on the roast, “We have soup, a roast, and some bread. All curtesy of the residents of Haven.”

His chuckle echoed from behind me, low and long, “I see. Taking advantage of the poor townspeople again.”

I smiled over my shoulder, “They’re gifts, not me taking advantage.”

“Whatever you say, my dear.”

He stood and walked until he was standing behind me, his feet light on the ground now that they were out of their boots. His hands spanned my hips and he leaned into me so his chin was on my shoulder. I turned my head and kissed his stubbled cheek.  

“So you spoke with Cassandra?”

“I did indeed, she is coming for dinner tomorrow.”

Trouble clouded his features, “Should I… be here for that?”

“I rather think not. Girl time will be good for us.”

He pressed his face into my tunic, breathing deep, “Very well. I must insist, however, that we s-spend the… Well. Night. Er, together.”

I smiled and leaned back into him, “As you wish, Commander.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update, woo! This is more of a filler chapter, sorry!


	10. His Breathing, Heavy in the Morning

Dinner was normal, Cullen scarfing down everything he could manage as I looked on, laughing every once in a while when a crumb got stuck in his stubble. He was sheepish but it was clear he felt the same level of comfort I did. He talked easily, stuttering less and opening up more.

He told me about the village he grew up in and what it was like to have sisters. It was novel to me, the idea of staying in once place at a time, having roots tied to a location, as opposed to a group of people. I could see the appeal however. Knowing exactly how and when the weather would change through the year, being able to plant trees and fruits and vegetables, living off of the land instead of having to trade and forage for everything.

His eyes sparkled as he spoke, alight with memories of his happy childhood and frolicking with his siblings.

After he had talked himself into silence he sat back in his chair, sipping the last dredges of ale before he pat his knees.

“Come here,” he murmured.

I tilted my head, “Come here?”

He nodded, set down his mug, and sat back, watching me. His eyes were alight and golden in the firelight, and they were intense. Every time I moved they tracked it carefully, raking over my chest with every breath, watching as I wrung my hands and ran them through my hair.

I stopped moving, “What’s going on Cullen?”

He shrugged, “I just want you closer. What’s the matter?”

I shook my head, huffing, “Nothing.”

He pat his knees again, “Then come here.”

I sighed and stood, walking over to him slowly. Once I was within arm’s reach, he hauled me into his lap and settled me on top of his thighs. He fussed a little with my tunic, smoothing it over my back and stomach before settling back and pressing my head to his chest.

“There,” he said, apparently satisfied.

I smiled and breathed deep, memorizing his scent, slightly spicy and musky and a little bit of dust from the training pitch. His hands stayed on my back, rubbing up and down as his chest rumbled lightly.

I felt my eyes start to close, even as his hand slipped under my shirt and up, lightly moving over my Name. His touch was soothing and tingled just enough to be relaxing. By the time his hands had finished their work, I was dozing lightly.

I head his chuckle distantly, “Sleep well, darling.”

\---

Cullen must have moved me to bed, and the next morning I woke up when he shifted behind me, pulling me so I was slightly under him.

He sighed and then groaned a little before settling back in. I blinked a couple of times, focusing on the room beyond before I groaned, louder than Cullen had.

“Cullen,” I whispered.

He groaned again.

“Cullen, it’s morning dear.”

He sighed and pulled me further against him, pushing his hips against mine. I gasped lightly when his hips hit me, pressing his hardened length against my behind.

He breathed heavily by my ear, his breath licking it and making it twitch.

I felt his lips twitch into a smile, “Your ears _move._ ”

“They do, yes, especially when you breathe on them like that.”

His breath left him in a silent laugh, making my ear twitch again. I felt him lean in more so his lips brushed along the tip of my ear. It sent tingles down my spine, nearly as intense as when his hand brushed along my Name.

My breathing hitched and came unevenly, and I knew he noticed because his tongue darted out experimentally, licking the outer shell right along the point. His right hand came inward and trailed down my back and then up and under, making small circled over my name, his hand tracing a ‘C’ over and over again as his teeth lightly pulled.

I sighed and wiggled closer to him, turning my head so he could reach my ear easier.

He pressed his lips against my ear, pushing it flat for a moment before he moved. He straddled me from behind, his thighs resting on either side of my hips and his hands roaming, one tracing the as-of-yet unaccosted ear and the other pushing up my shirt so he could see my Name more properly.

His hands worked slowly but they were no less effective in arousing me, heat pooling between my legs with each slow sweep of his hand or twitch of his fingers. He leaned forward lightly, pushing his erection into me again, this time he was somehow harder than the last.

I took a breath and let out a strained version of his name before he relented and moved off of me so he could pull at my hips. He settled me so my forearms were resting on the bed and my ass was in the air, my tunic riding up and exposing my back and breasts to the elements.

I could have sworn I heard him take a moment to admire me before his fingers found me, pressing lightly against my smalls and seeking out my heat. His fingers worked slowly, one pushing into me though my smalls as another swept lightly over my clit. His other hand stayed splayed over my hip, holding me in place as he worked.

Quickly, his ministrations had me panting and pushing my hips back into his hand, seeking out more friction, deeper contact.

He leaned over me and took his hand off my hip and slid it up my side and over one breast, claiming it quickly and efficiently. Stealthy fingers worked over my nipple, tugging and rolling relentlessly.

“Cullen--!” I gasped, pushing further back into his fingers.

“Elena…” he sighed, slipping his hand at my sex over my smalls and then down and in, his fingers making contact with my bare flesh.

Moaning had taken over from the panting and I ground my hips eagerly when his fingers found me again. Two of them pushed into me deeply, crooking just so and then moving slowly, rocking in and out and then building a rhythm which seemed to match the pounding of my heart.

I could hear him breathing over my shoulder, feel his length pressed into my hip as he worked me, his excitement barely contained as he nipped again at my ear. He groaned deeply when I moaned and squeezed around his fingers.

“You will be the death of me,” he told me, his breath erratic and shallow.

I smiled into the pillow, “No, you will be the death of _me.”_

His hand suddenly left my smalls and he reared up, squaring himself behind me at the same time pulling down my smalls. The cold hit my core for only a moment before I felt him pressing against me, the promise of his hanging heavy in my air and making my stomach drop.

He leaned forward slowly, his breath leaving him in a rush as he rocked into me. He stretched me open and it was like being exposed in the most delicious way, every inch of skin shivering with pleasure and delight as he moved. He rocked slowly at first, building up the heat in me and pushing me towards the edge. Then his hips started to move in earnest, moving quickly and slamming into me hard, his control leaving him as his hand gripped my shoulder and pulled me back into each of his thrusts.

I found my release quickly, the fire he had been building spilling over and spreading through me. Distantly I noticed the fire in the grate flaring brightly and up the chimney before setting in and burning low as it had been.

Cullen swore loudly before pulling me back into him twice and spilling himself in me, groaning loudly with his release.

He collapsed, his body draping over mine and gathering me close while he recovered his breathing. He remained inside me and Cullen seemed quite happy to say there for the moment, lightly humming as his hands trailed over me.

“Good morning…” he said, voice still slightly groggy.

“Good thing we got that out of the way before Cassandra got here,” I quipped.

He chuckled, arms convulsing around me before he relaxed entirely.

\---

Cassandra arrived early for dinner, but luckily I was prepared for that and had put the food out to warm early.

She greeted me in her usual way, “Herald.”

“Cassandra,” I said, happy she had showed at all, if I was honest, “Please come in.”

She stepped over the threshold and look around as if she had never been there before, perhaps looking for traces of the commander. She removed her gloved and stuffer them into her waistband, making a line for the table and sitting down, draping one arm over the back of the chair and turning to face me.

“You leave for Val Royeaux in the morning,” she opened.

I nodded and started gathering the food for dinner, setting a lamb pie on the table and slicing a couple of pieces, “I do indeed. You’re coming too.”

Cassandra nodded, “Along with the dwarf and the apostate.”

“You mean Solas and Varric,” I corrected.

She grunted noncommittally, “I suppose.”

“How do you know Varric, exactly?”

She leaned back and crossed her arms, “We were merely acquaintances before the Inquisition. Then I brought him on board in order to help me find someone. Unfortunately for all involved, he could not help me and I was required to take… extreme measures.”

“So you locked him up?”

She grunted again.

“Do you dislike him then?” I settled down next to her and started serving us both, pouring some ale and placing a healthy heaping of pie in front of us both.

She turned and took a bit of pie before answering, “I don’t… _dislike_ him.”

I smiled into my ale, “Do you _like_ him then?”

Her cheeks went pink, “No I. Had feelings for another, but feelings are foolish.”

I kept my attention on my pie, “Feelings are not foolish, they’re wonderful.”

“Says the one with a Name.”

I bit my lip and looked down, “You know I did not mean that.”

The seeker sighed heavily, “I know. But for us humans, it is _always_ what we mean. Feelings and being Named are one in the same.”

I put a hand on her arm, leaning in to catch her eye, “It is not hopeless, Cassandra.”

“It often feels as if it is,” she muttered, her eyes avoiding mine.

I sat back heavily, “I know it can feel like it, but you must not lose hope. There is always _someone_ out there.”

She scoffed and began eating again, “Are you suggesting I copulate… with a dwarf? Or perhaps another Dalish?”

I shrugged, “Would that be so bad.”

It was easy to feel the heat radiating off of her, “I truly do not know. Perhaps not.”

I smiled at her and then took another big bite before standing, “Feel like dessert we may as well eat good if we’re going to be away?”

Cassandra cracked a small smile, “I suppose you are right in that regard.”

We chatted amicably for the remainder of the evening, although she left me early, saying we both needed out sleep before we left for Orlais. I smiled and agreed, waving her off, but by that time I was already anticipating Cullen’s arrival. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot of fun to write, and I hope y'all enjoy it and stay warm in this crazy weather.


	11. The Fever on his Skin

Cullen was, as to be expected, very affectionate before my departure for Val Royeaux. He lavished me with attention, his hands playing at finding new sweet spots all over my body. He had me shivering with soft caresses at the base of my spine and the backs of my knees, chuckling low every time he made me shiver or groan.

The memories of his ministrations followed me all the way from the capitol and back. Varric teased me relentlessly about it and Cassandra alternated between looking conflicted and downright grouchy on occasion.

Varric always picked up on her moods quickly, recognizing when his teasing affected her and moving close to her always murmuring “Seeker,” softly.

After about the third time he had to rein himself in, he stopped mentioning my Name all together and instead walked with Cassandra while I chatted with Solas.

The apostate amused me with stories of the Fade and what ancient elven civilizations he had visited in his dreams. Time passed quickly and before we knew it we had entered the capitol, witnessed the Seeker pulling out of the city, got invited to Redcliffe and were already on our way back.

The walk back was almost silent, punctured only by Cassandra asking aloud again and again what had happened, asking us to confirm again that what she had seen had really happened.

When we made it back into Haven she broke off from the group and walked to her tent, ignoring Varric’s quiet pleas for her to stay behind and talk to him. She left him silently leaving him in a huff.

I walked to his side, “She is really upset isn’t she.”

He sighed, his chest rumbling as he spoke, “She knows where to find me if she wants to talk.”

I nodded, then smiled, “I’m pulling for you, Varric.”

He cracked a smile then, “Thanks, Blondie.”

I nodded and turned on my boot, leaving him to his pondering and seeking out Cullen.

I walked towards the training pitch, my travel bag still over my shoulder and dust all up my legs and some over my tunic but it was hard to care. I just wanted to find my Name and maybe convince him to take a bath with me.

The distance and time since I had seen him made it so my magic again was seeking him, wanting to make contact before settling in again to rest. The road had been rough and filled with rifts and demons and I felt depleted, needing rest to make up for what I had lost.

I could feel that he was in his tent, probably pouring over reports. The scout we had sent ahead hadn’t been instructed to give them an arrival time, just to say we were on our way, so there was no one at the gate to greet us.

I jogged over to his tent and walked in unannounced, my blood pumping and magic swelling as I got closer.

“I’m home!” I announced, letting my heavy bag drop to the floor and expecting Cullen to jump up and greet me, maybe blushing as he did so.

Instead he groaned, his head against the desk and covering his ears, “Not so loud, please…”

I stopped halfway across the tent, frozen in my movements. His forehead was directly against the wood of his desktop and there was a soft, continuous groan coming from his stomach. Cullen’s shoulders were hunched and trembling slightly, and the fist balled next to his head was trembling as well.

I unfroze and walked over to him, stepping lightly on my toes, thankful immediately that I had gone with traditional leg wraps and not heavy boots. I crouched down next to his chair and spoke softly, “Cullen, what’s wrong?”

His shoulders shuddered and he groaned again, “I-I…”

He trailed off and I could almost hear his eyes squeezing together before he sat up slowly, a palm pressed to the center of his head. “I’m fine.”

I turned his chair and looked him directly in the eyes, noting immediately the dark circled and drooping lids, “Have you slept since I left?”

He shrugged, his eyes fluttering delicately as I gentled my hands over his shoulders and along the sides of his neck.

“Cullen,” I sighed, “You need to go to sleep.”

He finally lifted his eyes to mine and I saw something stirring in the depths there, which looked a lot like guilt and weariness.

“I don’t know if I will be able to,” he confided.

“Why not?”

He sighed again, leaning forward and pushing his head into my stomach, “Can we not talk about this now, please?”

I nodded, and when I remembered he couldn’t see me, I grunted in general agreement.

Cullen staggered to his feet and then leaned into me, “I don’t want to walk out in front of the troops like this.”

I nodded in assent and guided him to the narrow cot at the back of his tent. He sat down again with a groan and then lifted his arms weakly to pull at the ties of his armor. I gently pushed his hands back down and started to pull at the straps myself, divesting him of his armor quickly and piling it near his desk. He leaned back and kicked off his boots himself, settling down into the blankets and then groaning when he settled in. I piled up the blankets and then leaned down to curiously test his temperature.

Cullen was burning up. I ran and got him another blanket from his stockpile and draped it over him, knowing he needed to sweat out his fever and to break it. I pulled his desk chair up close to his head and then turned his head towards me with gentle hands.

“You need to sleep,” I told him, sending some chill to my hands and pressing them to his forehead.

He sighed and nodded slightly, his eyes drifting close and soon his face was relaxed and the stress faced away from his eyes.

When I was sure he was deep in his sleep and his fever had come down some, I stepped outside and made a beeline for Cassandra who was nearby and whacking away at a dummy.

“Cass!” I called, jogging to her side.

She looked my still unwashed form up and down, “Herald, what seems to be the matter.”

I shrugged, “I couldn’t tell you. Cullen seems like he’s sick, we do have a healer in camp, do we not?”

She nodded, her eyes grave, “There is no healer which can help with his ailment.”

I dropped my head to one side, “What do you mean?”

The seeker sighed, her voice pitching low, “It appears he has not yet shared _everything…_ With you. This is for him to tell you, not me.”

I looked her up and down, trying to gauge more from her words, but she simply turned and went back to her training, effectively ignoring me.

I sighed and walked back to his tent, turning the seeker’s words over in my mind.

\---

Cullen slept for hours and I stayed close, pressing a cold hand to his forehead any time he started to toss and turn.

I had limited training in healing from my Keeper, but I didn’t know how Cullen would take to my prodding his body with magic, trying to figure out what was wrong.

Somewhere along the line, I drifted off to sleep with my hands drifting through his hair.

When I woke up it was because I felt Cullen shifting under my fingertips, turning to his side before settling down into sleep again.

I stretched and then reached out a hand to test his temperature again. He had cooled down enough for me to leave him to the cool care of a dampened washcloth. I sat idle, wondering if it would be all right for me to go and have a bath, perhaps making the trek to a hot spring Solas had told me about.

I listened closely to Cullen’s breathing, now deep and less labored as whatever it was which ailed him passed.

I ran through possible scenarios through my mind, trying to determine if maybe it was a terminal illness, but Cassandra’s words kept sticking in my mind. _Something he had to tell me._ I put knees to elbows and ran my fingers through my hair, taking down the braids which I had kept up for too long.

We were supposed to leave that afternoon for Redcliffe, but without knowing how Cullen was, or what it was he supposedly had to tell me, I doubted if I would be in any shape to speak with the grand enchanter.

Many different secrets and illnesses went through my mind, perhaps he had a growth or a blood disorder, or maybe something to do with his bones. I looked his over again, his broad shoulders and strong frame. It was impossible to imagine him having an illness or being weak in any way.

I decided that if he was asleep, there was no harm in me finally taking a shower, finally getting out the dust from my hair and skin, and _finally_ easing her aching muscles.

Stretching, I stood and made my way to the front of the tent, my steps falling heavy on the rugs. I heard Cullen turn over as I neared the front, and muttered my name softly.

My heart wrenched and I found myself walking back to his side, settling back into the chair and stroking his forehead, waiting for him to awaken. 


	12. Truth in His Eyes

Cullen woke a couple of hours later, after the sun had sunk well down into the sky and that stars were appearing. I kept close to him, stoking the fire and removing some of the blankets I had covered him in as his temperature continued to fall back towards normal.

I took a risk and sent a small thread of magic in through where our hands were joined and tried to feel out any sickness in him, but I couldn’t discern anything from what I could feel. It made my stomach turn and again Cassandra’s words were ringing through my mind, putting me on edge. I kept waiting for Cullen’s eyes to open so I could finally ask him what she meant and clear the unease.

When his eyes did slowly blink open, the words stuck in my throat. He still looked tired, but the dark circles which had been aging him were much diminished with his sleep, and he seemed more alert than when I had first entered his tent.

He rolled to his side and blinked slowly at me, taking his time in registering my hands drifting through his hair and adjusting to the now dark tent.

“Elena…” He said, voice still hoarse.

I fetched him a glass of water and waited as he sat up slowly and drained the glass dry.

“Thank you,” he said, offering the glass back to me.

“Feeling better?” I asked, still watching him carefully.

He cast his eyes down, “Much, thank you.”

I sat back and sighed, waiting to see if he would say anything. It was difficult to stay alert, I had dozed off for only a little bit while Cullen was asleep, the consequences of which had my eyes drooping and head nodding. When he remained silent, rubbing at the back of his neck, I spoke up, taking a deep breath to bring some air to my head, “What happened, Cullen?”

He looked away from me, giving me a view of his Name glowing softly in the firelight, “Nothing, Elena.”

“Nothing? Cullen that wasn’t nothing.”

He looked at me, his eyes weary, “Please just let it go.”

I heaved a sigh and stood, “I’ll leave you to it then. Cassandra told me it was something you could explain to me but if you’re not willing to then I will just be going since you’re feeling better.”

Cullen looked up at me, his eyes still cloudy and tired, “I… I’m sorry.”

Shaking my head I threw another blanket over him, “You can tell me when you’re ready. For now, it’s probably best if you sleep, and for me to be seen actually leaving your tent. I’ve been in here long enough for people to be suspicious.”

He nodded, settling back into the bed and nestling his shoulder down, his eyes already drooping again, “Will I see you tomorrow?”

I smiled, “Absolutely. Sleep well darling.”

I gathered my bag and the ties I had pulled from my hair, slugged the bag over my shoulder and then made my way towards the front of my tent.

\---

One magically made hot bath and some soaking time later I was refreshed and loose limbed. I felt better than I had in weeks, even despite Cullen’s mysterious but apparently explainable illness. I just had to trust that he would tell me eventually, so until then I was determined to give him space as much as possible.

It made my heart ache and my back itched every once in a while, but it would just have to be dealt with until he opened up. I was his Name, so his distance made me feel empty and impossibly lonely, but I had to constantly remind myself that this was new for him as well. If he had some deep secret illness, it had to be difficult to speak about with anyone new. He was a strong man, someone people looked up to and expected to support them, any weakness would be thrown into sharp relief against his responsibilities.

Scratching absently at my Name I got ready for bed, pulling on a loose shirt, one of Cullen’s, and leaving off the pants. I stoked the fire in the bedroom high so I could go without, enjoying the freedom after having my legs wrapped for so long.

The bed was inviting after the road, something which would actually support my back and keep my neck from the plague of knots and aches I had been suffering. Actual pillows were to be cherished, and savored as much as possible, I decided, especially with a trip to Redcliffe on the horizon.

As I pulled back the blankets and fluffed the pillows, eyes already starting to close, there was a soft knock at the door. I heavily debated not opening the door at all when the decision was taken away from me and it was pushed open slowly, Cullen on the other side.

He walked in slowly, closing the door behind him and stopped when he realized I was still next to the bed.

His ears started turning red, “Uh—sorry. I didn’t realize you were heading to bed.”

I smiled, “Cullen, I haven’t slept since getting back.”

His eyes went wide and he was clearly alarmed, “O-Oh Maker, I am so sorry. I-I hadn’t realized. Please excuse me, I will leave you.”

I jumped a little and rushed to him, “No! Please stay.”

He turned and looked at me, blushing, “You-You don’t mind?”

I shook my head, “No.”

“I haven’t really been able to sleep without you… And it gets worse when you’re gone for long periods of time.”

“It?”

He sighed, “My… Er… Maker—I’m sorry. I don’t know how to go about this, the only person who knows is Cassandra and that was only so she could keep an eye on me.”

“An eye on you?” I stepped towards him and placed a hand on his arm.

He hung his head and rubbed his Name, “To make sure I was still giving my all, that I was helping the Inquisition and not getting in the way.”

“Cullen,” I stepped into his arms and held him close, “You could never be in the way.”

He put his arms around me, “Maker did I miss you. I am sorry I didn’t meet you at the gate.”

I shrugged, “It’s not a problem, you weren’t feeling well.”

He held me for a long moment, swaying gently back and forth before pushing me back towards the bed, “We should sit down.”

I turned and sat down on the edge of the bed, looking up at him for a brief moment before he sat next to me, his hands in his lap. He ran his fingers lightly over his palm, collecting his thoughts and sorting them.

“Templars… The Chantry controls us from the moment we enter the order until the moment we die. Once you take your vows, they share the secret of the Templar power with you. You’re sworn to secrecy, of course, but it is a poorly kept secret. Every Templar takes lyrium supplied to them by the Chantry.”

I reached out and took one of his hands and held it tight, listening intently.

“What they don’t tell you, is that lyrium does a number of things, primarily making it so Templars can cancel out magic, but also suppressing our memories and keeping nightmares at bay. Once a Templar is on lyrium, you crave it, needing it at least once a day, and sometimes needing it more if a recruit was particularly power hungry or trying to compensate in some way. I tended to take it once a day, twice if I was in battle.” He stopped and looked over at me, his eyes raking me over, “I stopped taking it when I left the Templars.”

“You stopped?” I asked, brows raised

“Completely and suddenly, as soon as I decided I was leaving for the Inquisition. I have never met another Templar who had done so, but the Chantry tells us that if we stop taking it, the withdrawal will kill us.”

I stood up with alarm and looked down at him, “ _Kill you?!”_

He looked sadly up at me, “Indeed, along with headaches, nightmares, and occasionally the shakes and sickness. They… They use it to control us, make us afraid of leaving. It’s difficult to find a steady supply outside of the chantry.”

I felt tears coming to my eyes, “Cullen…”

He leaned into me and put his head on my shoulder, “No one knows if what they say is true. I’ve been looking into it as much as I can when I have free time, but… So far I can’t find much.”

I pulled him to me, breathing still hitching, “Can I… I don’t know, help?”

He sighed and pushed me back into the bed laying me down so he could gather me close, “Do not trouble yourself. I am doing well and have been regularly visiting a healer. It’s just that. W-well, you left. And even though I had been doing well, it was suddenly like I could hardly breathe after the third day, and it just got… worse.”

“Oh Cullen…”

He breathed deep into my hair, taking in the freshly washed scent, “Elena, I will be fine.”

I shook my head, a small sob on my breath, “You don’t know that.”

He shushed me softly, his arms convulsing around me, “It will be all right. I promise.”

I sat there for a moment, and held him close, “Are you all right?”

His lips pressed against my hair, “I’m much better now.”

“You won’t let me worry about it right now will you?” I sniffed.

I felt him shake his head, “You need to sleep. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“But—“

He shushed me gently, pushing me back so he could look in my eyes, “Elena. I am feeling fine right now. Thank you for taking care of me when you got back, but right now, you have to let me take care of you.”

One of his hands drifted into my hair and gently played with the strands, “You’ve been gone for a while, sleeping Maker knows where, and you look exhausted. I probably should have waited until morning… But now that it’s done, you need to rest now. I promise I will be here in the morning.”

I felt my eyes water again but I took a deep breath and pushed my head into his chest as Cullen gathered the blankets around us and held me tight.

“Tomorrow.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been two short chapters, I just have been writing slower recently, but here we have it! A bit of drama for your morning! :)


	13. His Hands, Steady and Strong

It took me half the night to drift into sleep, but when I finally drifted off, it was dreamless and calm. When I woke again, Cullen was already awake and sitting in a chair, sipping on some coffee and looking over his mug at me. The entire cabin felt warm and I could smell the pot of coffee he had made and was now setting on the table.

“Sleep well?” He asked, eyes intent on me, watching as I turned this way and that.

“I feel so much better,” I said, twisting around and feeling my muscles awaken. After some fiddling and fussing I sat up to arch my back and stretch from side to side.

Memories from the previous day flooded back to me. They were hazy, almost as if I had been dreaming, but I knew it was from a lack of sleep. We had pushed through the night to get back to Haven as soon as possible, my magic restless and heart aching to see Cullen again.

I remembered finding him, sick and feverish, sitting at his desk and hardly able to stand, and I remembered Cassandra speaking to me, her voice eerily calm. It wounded me deeply, the knowledge that she knew something about Cullen that I did not. I knew his body, yes, had begun to have visions of him so clear I could feel his thoughts and feelings, but it seemed Cullen as a man was still a mystery for me.

He stood and set down his mug so he could walk over to me, “Must be a relief to not be sleeping on the ground.” His hands dropped onto my shoulders and pushed down lightly before moving up to rest on either side of my neck.

I leaned forward and pressed my forehead into his stomach, “You are correct about that, pillows feel much better on the neck than rocks do.”

His thumbs rubbed my neck lightly, moving in a fluid motion up and down, occasionally circling around my temples even as his stomach rumbled lightly with a laugh. I pushed further into him, demanding that he intensify his ministrations.

I felt my mind drift away from me for a moment, and I could clearly see the top of my head, a set of hands moving along my hairline and through the long lengths of blonde hair. I could feel Cullen’s anxiety, although he was keeping it under wraps as best he could, concentrating on the subtle highlights in my hair, observing with interest as the tips of my ears twitched.

 His hands stopped moving, and before I could whine, or tell him what I saw, he spoke. “D-do you want to talk now?”

I shook my head, keeping my head where it was so I could avoid his gaze. The anxiety was rolling off of him in waves, and I knew making eye contact would only make him more nervous. “If you’re not ready…”

Cullen leaned further into me, his hands now ghosting over my shoulders, “N-no I…” He sighed, “I should have told you ages ago.”

I wrapped my hands around him “We’ve only known each other of a couple of weeks, Cullen.”

He didn’t speak, so I allowed my nails to scratch along the sides of his spine in small circles, and the reaction was quick. Some of the tension left his body and his breath slowed down.

He started slowly, his voice careful and only slightly heavy, “When I left the Templars, I wanted to leave it all behind, the lifestyle, the oaths, the mentality, and the lyrium. I didn’t think I could handle any reminders if my old life, it would just feel wrong having only part of it, like living a lie.”

I nodded, “All or nothing, right?”

He moved and then sank down into the bed next to me, “Right.” His eyes became unfocused on the opposite wall, clearly remembering something.

“Have you ever done something you really wanted to do, only to later realize that you shouldn’t have done it at all?” He asked me.

I put my head onto his shoulder and slung an arm around his waist, “I have, yes.”

He leaned into me so his head was against mine, “That’s how I feel about the Templars. It took time, of course, but the longer I was off of the lyrium, the more I saw how the Chantry was using us. We were meant to protect people, to be a bastion of safety, but instead we made all of Ferelden fear magic we used that fear as an excuse to take mages from their families and lock them away. Some Circles did what they were supposed to, of course, but in many of them mages were treated poorly… I had become part of a system which hurt people more than it was helping them.”

Suddenly, he fell back into the bed and pulled me on top of him, guiding me gently until we were practically nose to nose, with my knees on either side of his waist.

“And then” he continued, one hand drifting gently into my hair, “I met you.”

I smiled and we shared a quick kiss before he kept talking, his voice thick, “I met you and you’re a mage, Elena.”

I smiled, “Yes, I am.”

His palm pressed against my check, “You are. You’re also strong and kind and generous with your time and efforts, in addition to being heart stoppingly beautiful.”

I leaned into his palm, “You know you’re quite handsome yourself.”

His smile was faltering, “Th-thank you.”

A small waver entered his voice again, “When I met you, the headaches stopped. It was the first time I could see straight in months and all I could look at was you.”

My forehead pressed into his as he went on, his voice earnest, “There are side effects… But since meeting you, they’ve all disappeared. It’s like I’m whole again, as well as I was before I ever became a Templar. It was a miracle for me, to be free of the pain, I know you don’t believe in the Maker, but I can’t help but think he sent you for me.” He smiled sadly, “And then you left.”

His chest expanded with a heavy breath which he let out slowly, “It all came back very suddenly, on the fifth day, all at once like they were making up for lost time. It started with a head ache, nothing big, but then it grew to something more, my head was pounding, I could barely see straight. Then came the fevers and the shaking…”

We both fell silent and I laid my head onto his chest, concentrating on his heart beat and avoiding the burning question in my mind. It was resting just beyond the forefront, _the withdrawal will kill us, the withdrawal will kill us, the withdrawal will kill us._

It pounded through my mind along with my heart beat, drowning out the noise from outside the shutters and even the sound of Cullen’s own heart beneath me. My breathing quickly got away from me, rapidly accelerating until they were shallow and painful.

Cullen’s chest rumbles under my cheek and I felt his weight shift, suddenly I was under him, his hands framing my face. “Elena,” he said softly, “breathe with me.”

He took a deep breath in, pressing one of my hands to his chest so I could feel it move under my fingers. He did this several times before it registered, counting softly to ten each time. I forced myself to take one large breath and then another, timing them to fall in line with Cullen’s as much as possible.

I counted them slowly and watched my hand move over his chest, concentrating on the fabric moving over his muscles until my heart beat lessened enough for me to hear Cullen murmuring.

His voice was strong, much stronger than it had been and completely sure of himself, “Elena, everything is all right. I am right here, just breathe with me. Stay with me here. Please tell me what you need me to do.”

I pulled him down to me and held him close, still struggling to breathe deeply.

He kept murmuring as my hands tugged through his hair, “I’m right here darling, just tell me what you need.”

The fog lifted just enough for me to sniff out, “I need you to not die.”

He pushed his lips against my neck, “I’m not going to die.”

“What if I leave? And while I’m gone the withdrawals… take over again?”

Cullen sighed, “We will have to test it slowly.  The Inquisition is still new. Your trips are still short…” he trailed off, “You missed your meeting with the grand enchanter.”

My breathing picked up, “Oh no, Fiona…”

He smoothed his hands over my cheekbones, shushing me gently, “I am sure Josephine took care of it. Concentrate on the now, I am sorry I brought it up, I should not have. We will keep your trips short. You can go to Redcliffe when you’re feeling well enough, and we can see how I feel then. It doesn’t take long and we can test out some theories.”

I looked up at him, breathing slowing down again and approaching normal ranges, my heart was still pounding and yet somehow fluttering, “Are you _sure_ that you’ll be all right?”

“I promise,” he rumbled.

He kept me close, his weight not making me feel trapped, but instead grounding me, keeping my focus on the bed and inside the cabin, the worries of being Herald falling away.

After some time, he leaned up and slid his golden eyes over to meet my blue.

“I should probably talk to Josephine,” I informed him.

He shook his head, “You need more time, darling. Take it, the Inquisition will be waiting.”

I nodded, sighing deeply with acceptance, “You’re right.”

\---

Cullen spent the day with me, rubbing my back and feeding me fruits, dismissing anyone who came to the door, and only speaking of the Inquisition long enough to inform me Josephine had indeed sent word to the Grand Enchanter. I was off the hook, at least for now. I heard her lilting voice insist I see Fiona as soon as I was well enough coming from the doorway, but a few hushed words were exchanged and she was gone to see to her own business shortly after.

The Commander was like a respite in a sea of emotions, calm when I was emotional and always knowing what to say, when to push me and when to let me rest. It was like he had an innate ability to know what I needed and when. I considered the idea that it was tied in with him being my Name, but I had a feeling it was more than that.

Cullen was a protector, someone who could provide and who could and would take all of one’s burdens onto his shoulders just to make you happy. He cracked smiles and made jokes, fumbled through bad pick-up lines and made me simple meals while insisting I relax. He had someone fetch for me a drawing pad and some pencils, allowing me for the first time in ages to draw for leisure.

Back with my clan, I had been tasked often with recording various plant species and special landmarks for the Keeper, requiring me to learn very quickly how to draw. Eventually, the necessity had formed into a pleasant habit. All my supplies had been destroyed at the conclave, but my muscles quickly remembered how to work the paper and the pencils, rendering sketch after sketch of Cullen.

I even had him sit for me while we were waiting for dinner to heat.

“How did you know I draw?” I asked him, concentrating on the long line of his nose.

He blushed, but didn’t raise his arm to rub at his neck, conscious of my request he sit still, “I, er. Remember when I said I had visions of you?”

I nodded, “I do remember, yeah. You knew I was Dalish.”

Cullen smiled, “One time, just before I was about to sleep, I saw you, sitting in your aravel drawing. It wasn’t a very long vision compared to others, just a couple of seconds, but I will always remember how peaceful you looked, sketching some fruit, I think.”

“I think…” I put down my pencil and thought back, “Was this more recently?”

He nodded.

“I think I _felt_ you watching,” I smiled.

He sat up from his chair and came to kneel in front of me, his hands reaching for mine, “You did?”

I nodded, prompting a wide smile from him, his scar stretching with his happiness, “I remember when I did that, it was two weeks or so before the conclave. I had nabbed some spare oranges from the pantry and had to sneak them back in before the Keeper woke up.”

His thumb swept over the back of my hands, “I—uh, I can’t believe you felt me watching.”

I leaned forward and swept my nose along his, “I can’t either.”

He moved back to his seat and sat for me again, his expression light.

For the rest of the night, I drew his scar pulling as he smiled or laughed, his shoulders under the light tunic as he put logs onto the fire, even his hands as they settled over mine. He tried to take a peek every once in a while, but I always pushed him back. They were all rough impressions, not anything like I knew I could do if given some time.

When night fell and my mind was completely clear again, he pulled me into bed with him.

“I promise,” He said solemnly, “I will be fine when you go. And if I start to feel unwell, I will send for you.”

I nodded, “You won’t try to tough it out in some sense of… Masculine pride?”

He chuckled, “I promise I won’t push myself more than necessary.”

I smiled up at him and watched as his face grew serious, “Are you all right?”

I nodded, “I owe you an apology—“

“Don’t,” he interrupted, “do not apologize for worrying about me, for feeling on my behalf.” He rubbed at his Name, “You’re well… Uh, my Name.”

I nodded.

“I would be more concerned if you were not upset at the idea of me being ill,” he admitted.

I snuggled into his side and under his arm, “Thank you for allowing me to feel those emotions. I honestly don’t know what came over me. It was like all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe or see or think about anything.”

His arms grew tight for a brief moment, “I’ve seen it happen before.”

I leaned back to look up at him, “You have?”

He nodded, “It tends to happen between Named pairs, if something detrimental to their bond is brought to light. It’s never received… Well.”

I pressed a kiss to the underside of his chin, “Is that how you knew what to do?”

He chuckled, “No that was…  I don’t know what that was, instinct, perhaps?”

He rolled so he was hovering over me, “I think it’s time to move on from it, however.” His eyes were glinting low in the light, his grin just on this side of wicked.

“Move on? To what, may I ask?”

His expression grew heated, his lips parting just a moment before they met my own. His tongue swept into my mouth, swallowing my gasp and subsequent moan. I could feel his hips pressing into me and pinning me to the mattress as he ground slowly, his length hardening against me.

I quickly caught on and wiggled so I was further beneath him, his hips falling between my legs so I could push back up into him. My sex pressed against him, prompting a twitch from his now fully hard length. I smiled and pressed kissed to his neck as his hands started to roam, sweeping over my sides and just underneath my breasts. His fingers moved everywhere but dutifully avoided anything that would prompt a violent reaction from me.

His ministrations sent sparks all up and down my spine and never failed to leave a trail of sensitive flesh in their wake. My Name grew warm on my back and heat pooled between my legs. I needed him to _touch_ more, his hands to dip into my tunic and my smalls.

He knew it very well when I panted his name, begging, “Cullen… Please.”

He smiled and dipped his head down to kiss me, his shoulders working as he moved his weight onto one of his forearms. His lips moved to my neck as one hand moved down my side and then inward, just barely brushing over my nipple over my tunic.

I sighed, the friction delicious but the fabric keeping me from what I really wanted. I wiggled beneath him until my tunic was gone, leaving me bare to his hands. Cullen’s eyes flashed and grew darker a brief moment before his head dipped and he drew one hardened nipple into his mouth and sucking gently.

I drifted my nails over his own Name, taking pleasure in the fact that it was as hot to the touch as my own. He groaned and the vibrations moved through me from where we were connected.

He met my gaze, “Elena…”

One of his hands drifted down and slipped into my smalls, brushing through my folds gently. My breathing hitched dramatically and I ground into his hand, a rush of wet following his light touches.

He almost growled when one long finger pushed into my core and met no resistance, “You’re so… Maker. Beautiful.”

I smiled and pushed my hips further into his hand as his finger started to move. I pulled him down for a kiss breaths turned more into moans and pants than actual breaths.

“Please, Cullen. I need you.”

He groaned again and then pulled off his smalls and then mine followed, falling in a graceless pile on the floor. His freehand moved between us and I felt him press against my entrance. I lifted my hips to give him better access as he slid in, a sigh leaving his lips as he moved.

He started there for a moment, looking deep into my eyes before he withdrew and pushed back in, burying himself to the root each time. My back arched off the bed and as soon as he had an opening, a hand drifted over what he could reach of my name, sending a wave of heat between my legs and tearing a moan from deep within me.

He gave me a self-satisfied smile before he started moving in earnest, pushing deep into me with every thrust and setting a punishing pace. The pressure built within me quickly, my emotions warring and calling for release.

Cullen lifted a hand to move between us, lightly brushing over my clit and forcing me to the edge. My eyes sealed shut as the waves washed over me, my walls closing around Cullen and pulling him deeper into me with every pulse of pleasure.

I heard him swear briefly before he followed me, his hips pressing hard into me before his breath came out in a huff and then he was twitching and pulsing within me.

He collapsed, his weight now fully on top of me as he panted. “That was,” he breathed, “You’re… Maker you’re everything.”

He pushed his face into my neck and planted a long kiss there, still breathing heavily. Our hearts pounded in time and I could feel his anywhere we were touching as he recovered.

“You know,” I said, “You’re everything to me as well.”

He sighed deeply, eyes fluttering closed, “I love you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I spent a lot of time on this chapter! Hope you all enjoyed, thank you all so much for your comments and kudos thus far, I love being able to hear what you think!


	14. The Imposter in the Camp

Cullen convinced me to go to Redcliffe the next day, assuring me the whole time that he would be fine for the three days I would be away. I remained less than convinced, but eventually Cassandra told me I had to stop _babying_ him and let him determine if he would be ok or not.

The words from the seeker stung more than they should have, but I had to let it slide. Whether or not she had feelings for Cullen was irrelevant, she was still correct. I could not coddle the _Commander of the Inquisition,_ he was a fully grown man who had made it to his third decade. Surely he could live for three days without me?

The ride there was slow but steady, Redcliffe was only half a day away in good weather, although we were not treated to such good fortune. Rain met us as soon as we reached the Hinterlands, and followed us all the way to the village.

Solas seemed wholly unbothered by the phenomenon, Cassandra dealt with is as well as she could, keeping herself wrapped tightly in a well-oiled cloak, Varric, however was affronted by the very idea of the showers.

“Why is it,” he mused aloud, “It _always_ rains in the south? Haven’t you people figured out some kind of spell to make it stop?”

Solas huffed indignantly, “It is _not_ advisable to use magic to change the weather.”

Varric turned in his saddle to glare at the mage, “Oh, and I don’t suppose you’ve _tried_?”

“Varric,” he glowered, “One does not have to have tried to know it is not advisable.”

“It is not advisable,” Varric said, voice in a falsetto impersonation of Solas’s voice.

Cassandra snorted loudly, half attempting to cover the noise with the back of her hand.

Her small laugh egged Varric on, his eyes now eager and looking for another victory, “It is not _advisable,_ my _dwarf_ friend, to change the _weather._ ” Every syllable was dragged out and exaggerated to the extreme, Solas’s intonations made to seem much more variable than they actually were.

Cassandra didn’t bother hiding her laugh this time, slapping her knee and looking over at the Mage, “He sounds _just_ like you.”

Solas was looking at the seeker with a mix of apprehension and genuine shock, and it was the shock which made me realize neither of us had head Cassandra truly laugh until this moment.

My head swung around to Varric, who was still looking mighty pleased with himself. Seeing his confidence and the mirth still on Cassandra’s face, I had the distinct impression that the dwarf was already closer to his goal than either of them could imagine.

\---

We went, met Fiona, the reprehensible magister, and the intriguing Dorian. The Tevinter man said he would be in touch with us, but as we slowly made our way back to Haven, I could have sworn I saw flickers of gold and tanned skin at the corners of my vision.

Varric pulled up alongside me, “Are you well enough to chat with me, Blondie?”

I smiled over at him, “I am doing fine, Varric.”

He hummed, “We’ve only been gone for a day and a half, I am sure the Commander is all right.”

I nodded, “I _know_ Varric...” I looked around at Cassandra and Solas, who were several paced behind us but down wind, and avidly discussing the mechanisms of her powers, “Why did… Cassandra know he had stopped taking it?”

The dwarf huffed, his girthy arms crossing, “And why are you worried about the seeker?”

“She and I did talk,” I admitted, “But I can’t help but feel like I hardly know Cullen at all. Those two… They seem relatively close. Almost like they have a history.”

Varric sighed, a large hand running over his hair, “They’ve known each other for a while Blondie. Curly though? He’s never shown any interest, you shouldn’t worry.”

I shifted in my saddle, “It’s less that and more… I don’t know. I feel under prepared. About everything. Being Herald, being someone’s Name, closing rifts and fighting demons. It’s all so much at once I just suppose I envy Cassandra’s hold on everything.”

“She is…” He smiled, “A formidable woman, but she does not know everything. You have to forge your own path and not worry about measuring up to the seeker.”

I opened my mouth to thank him, when I heard hoof beats approaching us from the front, rushing quickly. My eyes narrowed and I pulled out my staff, prepared to fend off any attacker. I heard Cassandra pull up beside me as Solas and Varric flanked me, checking the perimeter for any enemies attempting to flank us.

The horse reached us quickly, pulling up at the last moment. Atop the bay was an Inquisition scout, one of Leliana’s people. He was breathing heavy and barely managed to speak through his laborious breaths, “Word for you.”

Cassandra dismounted and accepted the message, imparting a passing order for the scout to rest in a nearby Inn before heading back to Haven.

She opened the message quickly and her eyes scanned it. As she read, her expression grew guarded and suspicious.

“We must return to Haven, quickly!” she announces, already swinging back up onto her mount.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, already spurring my hart onward at a quicker pace.

She frowned, “Someone… Approached us claiming to be Cullen’s Name.”

I felt the blood drain out of my face at her admission, “What?”

She cut a glare at me, “Now is not the time to discuss the matter, Herald. We need more information and that can only be found in camp. I don’t need to remind you _not_ to reveal you are the commander’s Name. Not yet. Josephine has a plan to use the news to our favor, and you will not ruin it.”

I nodded, not exactly happy with her orders, but I knew little else what to do.

\---

We rode hard back and made record time, arrive just before sundown. Haven didn’t seem different, which was in discord with the racing thoughts going through my mind. I felt as through the ground should be shaking with horror that someone would try to take Cullen away from me, or to lead him stray.

I had brief flashes as we rode, Cullen looking down at a strange red haired human, Cullen being overwhelmed and bewildered as she spoke, confusion and despair as he thought about me. Each vision sliced through me better than any set of demon claws, making it hard to see straight, difficult to think of anything other than seeing Cullen for myself, holding him tight and fending off anyone who would make a claim of him.

Cassandra glanced as me as often as she could spare, alternating expressions of suspicion and worry on her features, Varric and Solas just looked plain dour.

I left my hart to be dealt with by a stable boy before rushing up the steps, attempting to look as casual as I could. If the looks from the soldiers were any indication, I was failing. They all looked at me with pity, many of them shaking their heads slowly immediately after saluting me. The air near the training pitch felt heavy with grief.

Making a bee line for the Chantry, and hopefully some information, I kept alert, looking for the woman I had seen in my visions, the one who had so unsettled Cullen. I saw nothing. Leliana was just outside the Chantry doors, and she called out to me when I neared.

“Herald!” She called, “I need to speak with you.”

“Lel—“

She waved a hand, “There is no time. I must speak quickly, for she wants to see you. Josephine insists we keep up appearances.”

I moved to protest, “But—“

“She is a _royal_ ,” Leliana spoke over me, “If she is lying we cannot very well just accuse her of it and then toss her out onto the streets. She hails from Antiva and arrived yesterday.”

I choked, “ _If?”_

The spymaster sighed, “You are… Dalish.”

I nodded, “Yes, and?”

“She is human.”

I crossed my arms, “Yes, I assumed that.”

“We must test you both. It is possible to fake a Name with blood magic.”

“Oh, blood magic, I can help with that,” came a voice from the shadows.

Leliana smiled, “The mage makes himself known.”

Dorian smiled, “I was coming to see what your plans for Alexius are, but a Dalish woman with a _Name_ and an imposter in our midst, this is just too juicy.” His smiled was full and amused, his eyes darting between me and Leliana were filled with life.

I would have smiled if not for the weight in my gut and a growing head ache.

Red hair swayed within her hood as she nodded at Dorian, “My reports say you are well versed in the ways of blood magic, though I have received no reports of you practicing. Is this true?”

Dorian nodded, “Get me near her and I am certain I can ferret out who the fake is. You can handle the messy business of why.”

Leliana’s answering smile was dangerous, “I am very good with the why.”

“I thought you might be,” he chuckled.

Then he turned his attentions to me, “Herald, or Elena, can I call you Elena? Anyway, just allow me to examine your name and I am sure we can have this sorted before the morn.”

Leliana pulled us into the relative privacy of her tent, pulling down a set of flaps so no prying eyes could observe. I sighed and turned, already pulling at the back of my shirt and exposing myself to the cold Frostback air when Leliana finished fussing with ties and buttons. Warm hands were suddenly on either side of my Name, negating most of the effects of the chilly air and keeping me warm in the small face.

Leliana watched with interest as Dorian’s hands glowed a faint purple color, drifting over the letters slowly, taking their time to thoroughly go over every word. His hands were softer than Cullen’s and a pang of longing stroke through me. It had been days since I had seen him, and I had yet to see how he was doing, to assess whether or not the withdraws had rent him low.

Dorian was mumbling softly, so I spoke softly, “Leliana.”

She made a noise at me, her eyes still focused on Dorian’s work.

“How is Cullen… Ah, dealing?”

Her eyes cut through me, “He is confused, but otherwise healthy and happy, Herald, I assure you.”

I nodded, “Thank you.”

Dorian’s hands left my sides, and the soft glow from his magic stopped. “This is authentic,” he declared, “No hints of blood magic, just the normal mysterious supposedly-the-Maker magic at work here.”

Leliana smiled, “Very good. Congratulations, Herald.”

I frowned at her, “I could have told you that much.”

“It’s not that,” she informed me, her smiled growing more feral, “We now have something on an Antivian Royal. You perhaps do not know this, being Dalish, but faking a Name is a very serious crime across all of Thedas, and using blood magic to do so? It’s something we can use, for certain. I must inform Josephine.”

She swept from the tent, making quick work of the ties and buttons as I righted my shirt.

Dorian watched me, his eyes still thinking and mouth pulled up into a smirk, “You’re going to be fun, I can tell.”

I tilted my head, “Fun? Your idea of fun is demons and civil wars?”

He smiled wide, “Well my dear, I am from Tevinter.”

That did earn a smile from me.

Dorian led us out of the tent in time to see Leliana enter the Chantry, silent as a ghost. I dallied, warring between my desire to see Cullen, who I could feel was inside the vast building, and falling dead asleep in my cabin.

Dorian, for all he was worth, strode into the Chantry like he had been doing so every day of his life, flashing me a cheeky smile at me before the door closed behind him.

I took a moment, breathing deep to gather as much courage as possible, before walking into the Chantry.

Dorian was at the far end of the Chantry, his arms crossed and leaning on one hip as he spoke with Leliana and Josephine. The ambassador looked my way when I entered and smiled a smile which barely reached her eyes.

“Herald,” she greeted me, her accent making the word light, “Welcome back.”

I smiled at Josephine, “Thank you, Josephine.” I heaved a sigh, “Can we?”

She nodded, already turning to lead us to her office. She closed the door firmly behind the four of us before turning and looking me over, “I am so sorry, Herald.”

“What for?” I asked her.

As far as I knew, all was going in my favor, my Name was _real,_ Cullen was mine, and we had something to hold over the head of Antivian royals.

“The woman who came yesterday, the one claiming to be Cullen’s Name?”

I nodded,

“She is a cousin of mine, and as such she has been… Taking advantage.”

Leliana nodded solemnly as I frowned, “How do you mean?”

Dorian scoffed, “She is royal and related to someone of power in the place she is visiting. Of course she is taking advantage. Insisting on her own quarters, fancy meals and entertainment. In short, it is going to be difficult for me to examine her for any tampering unless we hold her down and create an incident. I imagine she brought her own guard?”

Josephine nodded, “Precisely.”

Dorian sighed, “That certainly presents a challenge.”

Leliana smiled, “I have an idea.”

Josephine turned to the other woman, “Please, do share.”

“The Iron Bull.”

I looked at her, “The what?”

“The mercenary band the Inquisition just recruited. They sent an emissary just a week ago and arrived while you were gone. The Iron Bull, their leader, has a certain… reputation amongst noble ladies. Mainly, he is very adept at bedding them. If she is just here under the pretext of a ruse, he should have little problem getting a good look at her Name, so at least we may know its location.”

Dorian laughed, “Oh this is too great. It feels like home already.”

Josephine frowned even as Leliana smiled, “It is a flawed plan, but it is all we have for now. We need to know the location of her Name.”  

I looked them all over, “We should speak with this Iron Bull soon then. Leliana, you make the arrangements.” I took a step away, “Now, if you’d excuse me, I need to find Cullen.”

Josephine jumped, “You cannot!”

My hand froze on the door handle, “What do you mean?”

She pulled me away and guided me to the couch, “You _cannot_ be seen consorting while someone claiming to be his Name is in camp.”

“Why not? He is _my_ Name.”

Josephine shook her head, “There are _many_ rituals surrounding Names and Naming. You and the commander have observed none of them, out of necessity, and I regret to admit, my insistence. I was planning on announcing your involvement next week, but clearly that will need delayed.” She sighed and shifted her weight to one hip, “This woman, Janine, however, is insisting on observing _every_ last ritual. The first step involves leaving the newly Named to be left _alone._ Learning about one another and confirming the handwriting on the Name.”

“Why do we not just ask Cullen the location of her Name then? If she has been here a day, surely he has seen it by now.”

“The Commander… met her. Briefly, and has refused to see her after that initial first contact,” Josephine informed me.

I could not help my smile, “This is good then.”

Leliana shook her head, “It is not. She is growing impatient, cannot understand why he will not meet her, and has stationed her personal guard outside of his tent to make sure he consorts with no one. We believe she suspects _something_ is about.”

I leaned back, smile fading away, “I can’t go see him without her guards notifying her, and we cannot dispatch the guards without causing an incident.”

Everyone nodded at me.

Dorian looked most dour of all, “How positively awful. The poor commander.”

I nodded in return, then had an idea. I sat up and looked at the Tevinter Mage, “Could you tell him?”

“Tell him… What, my dear?”

“That I passed. That my Name is real.”

Dorian looked to the other two women. After receiving dual nods, he smiled at me, “I would be happy to.”

I smiled, “Maybe a letter too?”

“I don’t see why not.”

\---

_Dearest Cullen,_

_Hopefully Dorian told you before giving you this letter. My Name is real. Nightingale is well pleased to have some information on an Antivian royal and Josephine is already concocting a plan to get us out of this mess. I don’t know what this Janine wants with you, but I promise we’re all working to find out what she wants and where she comes from._

_Until then, Leliana says we cannot see each other. Janine has you under around the clock surveillance, which means I cannot visit you, and if you come to me, well, she’ll probably meet you before you’re half way to my door._

_I desperately regret that we have to spend this time apart, but if Dorian doesn’t mind, we could keep passing letters in the meantime. I admit my heart aches with the very idea that we can no longer see each other. I do not know how I will be able to stand next to you at the war table and not touch you. To lie in bed at night and picture you next to me knowing you will not be joining me._

_Please let me know how you are. Clearly, you did survive, as you assured me. I am sorry for worrying over you so often, I just… I am unsure what to do, I think. We’ll have to muddle our way through this Named business together. Please write soon._

_Yours,_

_Elena_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh sorry it starts a little choppy, but I promised drama so drama we shall have. :)


	15. Blue Writing on her Thigh

_My Darling Elena,_

_I am ashamed to admit I am relieved to hear Dorian has confirmed your Name is real. While I do not believe you capable of deception, I had always wondered if our Names were… the same all the rest. Truly, the Maker has brought you to me. I am well blessed to have you in my life, and I will not allow anyone to come between us._

_Josephine has come to see me and has told me I_ must _perform every step of the Naming process with Janine. It turns my stomach to admit, but perhaps she is right. We must exchange Names. Dorian assures me that she cannot alter or change my own Name in any way, but I still feel some reluctance._

_Josephine has arranged it so at least I will not have to meet Janine alone. Dorian will be acting as my ‘representative’ in hopes he can get close enough to sense the magic in her Name right away. The sooner we dispatch of her the better, and then we can announce our Naming._

_I miss you terribly, my darling. Please do write me back. I find my mind wanders to you often, wondering what you are doing or whom you are seeing. I want to ask you about your trip and the mages, and if you have knots in your neck from sleeping in a tent. But mostly I want to kiss you again._

_Yours always,_

_Cullen_

I held the letter to my chest and lifted watery eyes to Dorian, “Thank you.”

His eyes were worried but he kept his voice cheeky, “Oh you know, just casually here saving your relationship and thwarting evil women who would enchant out beloved commander.”

My smile was small, “Really, thank you, Dorian. It means a lot to us both.”

The mage nodded, “I’m meeting with Cullen and the imposter woman in an hour. She’s bringing along a representative of her own, as we’re claiming that Cullen is a man of importance and his Naming needs to be monitored carefully.”

“Who is she bringing to the meeting?”

“Some family representative,” he said, frowning, “She refuses to tell Josephine who in specific, but we’ll find out soon. I’m sure we can handle whomever it is.”

“I hope so. Hopefully this will be the end of it.”

Dorian grinned wickedly, “I will make sure of it.”

\---

I paced back and forth across the cabin, my mind filled with images. I kept having visions, fast and hard as I moved. There were flashes of the red haired Janine again, dressed in a formal Antivian gown and gazing up at Cullen. I could feel his anxiety as she moved, smiling wide as she pulled aside a panel in her dress to reveal one pale thigh with Cullen’s name inscribed across the surface.

My breathing caught and I fought falling over, my mind swimming with visions of pale blue letters depicting Cullen’s slashing handwriting. It was akin to being punched in the stomach. Of course I knew that she had to have a name on her somewhere, otherwise she would not have come, but _seeing_ it was too much.

It felt like someone was taking away what was mine, what I had suffered for all my life and making light of it. _Oh look at me, I’m a noble from Antiva who just happens to have a Name. Oh no, no one berated me for having a name, my family is_ very _proud I’m Named to a Commander._

I scoffed around and turned on my heel, hands fighting restlessly as I went flying across the room again. Josephine had insisted I stay inside, but the walls were closing in on me. I whirled and threw open a back window, gazing out at part of the wall which surrounded haven.

I shouted and threw a lightning bolt at the wall.

The visions had stopped coming, but the unease was still settled deep in my gut. Each time I blinked the vision of a pale shapely thigh was waiting for me, slicing me open again with new pain.

I pushed another bolt into the wall, making parallel black scorch marks. I made one more, just for good measure, before simply leaning over the sill and letting it take all of my weight. I stayed there, allowing myself to wallow in self-pity. I knew very well I should be concentrating on other things, whether to approach the mages or the Templars, how to best use Dorian or the new merc company led by the Qunari. Instead my mind stayed fixed on Janine and her ‘Name’.

I had another vision as I laid there, this time the red haired woman was angry, her face contorted as she shouted. I saw Dorian out of the corner of my eye, smiling smugly. I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but it was clear she was shouting at both Dorian and Cullen.

I stood quickly and made my way to the Chantry and the meeting, running. I threw open the doors before I could convince myself to stay out of it.

“…How _dare_ you question me, my _Name_!” She shrieked.

I froze for a moment, struck by the vision of the Antivan pretender. She was gorgeous, and every inch the royal I had imagined her to be. Gold and diamonds glittered wherever she could have them, on each finger and draped around her neck. Her dress was bright red and edged in a gold which glittered as she moved, panels of fabric hanging from her hips and flashing an inch or two of skin at a time. Her olive skin was set off by reddened hair and green eyes, and when she shook her head at Dorian, I say threads of gold and diamonds glittering between the tresses.

I took comfort in the fact that she was not attractive when she was yelling. It was clear that when she was silent, she would have been beautiful, shining red hair framing a heart shaped face with full lips and bright green eyes.

Dorian smiled smugly, “I do _dare_ madam. I am highly trained, and the Inquisition asked me to… check the validity of your claim.”

Cullen stood to his side, his eyes hard and cheeks flushed lightly. He turned when I walked over to him, having finally unstuck myself, and shook his head at me ever so slightly. He knew I shouldn’t have come, but before I could decide to listen to retreat, Janine looked over at me.

Her green eyes bored into me, and it was immediately clear I had made a mistake. This woman had one goal in her life, and that was to get her claws into Cullen. Red tipped mails perched high on one hip as she examined me briefly, taking in my casual clothing and pointed ears. It put me on edge and made me uneasy, she was watching too close, taking in more than someone who was truly emotional would.

“You must be the Herald,” she said, smiling smugly, “Are you _aware_ that your faithful mage here is insulting Antivan royalty?”

I nodded as if the matter was very serious, ignoring the wave of amusement I could feel coming off of Dorian, “This is a very serious matter, surely, Your Grace. I am sure Ser Dorian must have an explanation.”

She nodded and turned back to Dorian, her face suddenly as calm as if she had pulled on a mask, “See now, the Herald agrees with me. This is a _farce._ You seek to dishonor the Antivan crown with your accusations. Filthy Tevinter magister.”

I smiled slowly, but Cullen held out a hand low, catching my attention. It was a signal he had taught me before going to Redcliffe. He was telling me to stay put, to keep my mouth shut.

I shifted my weight closer to him but kept my silence.

“Janine,” Cullen said carefully, shuffling slightly closer to me, “I think any accusations are worth looking into, do you not agree? The reputation of your family and of the Inquisition hangs in the balance here. All parties involved deserve to have conformation before we go any further, this can only help us.”

For a brief moment I could see what Cullen saw, another vision. I watched through his eyes as he glanced at me, then back at Janine and finally landing on Dorian. I could feel his hope that this would all be over soon, that Dorian could sort out the angry Antivan and he could _finally_ welcome me home. Letters were not enough for him, he desperately wanted to sweep me up and into his arms.

The masked slipped and her eyes grew angry for a moment before she again resumed her calm, “Very well. Let this mage perform his tests.”

Dorian smiled, looking like the cat who had gotten the cream, “Thank you kindly, Your Grace.”

Janine sniffed.

Dorian moved towards the woman and I watched as his hands started glowing faintly red. Janine watched him closely and held her leg out for the mage, her hands filled with panels of red fabric and eyes watching as he bent to examine her ‘Name’.

Cullen’s fingers brushed across the back of my hand, barely the ghost of a touch. I extended my pinky and hooked it around one of his fingers, carefully concealing my surge of relief. It was torture to stand next to him and not touch, to not leap into his arm or even simply to turn to Janine and show her _my_ Name, a real one which did bind Cullen and I together in every way possible.

I felt Cullen relax a little as his finger curled around mine. He left it there for a moment before releasing me and stepping to the side, his eyes now trained on Dorian and Janine. Dorian’s hands were still glowing red and his eyes were narrowed on the mark. He leaned in close and ghosted his fingers over the blue letters.

Janine jumped, “Watcher your _fingers,_ Vint.”

Cullen frowned and Dorian scoffed, “There is no need to get angry, _Your Grace._ ”

The man at Janine’s side, tall bald and towering over us all snarled, “Watch it, Vint.”

“You must be Janine’s family representative,” I said to him, hoping to draw his attention away from Dorian, “I’m Elena.”

The man swung his eyes around to me and frowned, “I am.”

“Lovely to meet you,” I said, smiling wide, “Any friend of Janine’s is welcome here.”

Cullen’s foot reached out and tapped mine once, a warning.

It was like I couldn’t stop myself, however. I needed to lash out somehow, against Janine, against the representative, against the entire situation. I wanted it to be over with so desperately.

The man frowned at me, but I kept my smile bright, “Truly Antiva is lucky nation to have such distinguished royals.”

His frown deepened, but he said nothing, his eyes watching me closely as Dorian again touched Janine. I watched as he smiled and his hands went dark.

He straightened and started rearranging his various buckles and clasps, “Her Name is fake.”

The man growled and lunged for Dorian as Janine jumped back, a hand to her throat, “How dare you?”

Dorian jumped back and then danced behind Cullen, “Oh you concealed it well, there was very little blood used.” The bald man lunged at Dorian around Cullen, but Cullen held him back, one hand planted firmly in the middle of his chest, “You must have practiced for _ages_ to have done it so well.” Janine, for her part, started crying her hands fluttering about her face as fat tears welled up in her eyes, “Blood magic is rare in Antiva, but I imagine you had a mentor. Had to have to be _that_ good.”

Josephine must have heard the commotion from her office, as she walked out and then started running towards us, “Herald!”

The bald man lunged again towards Dorian, his hands reaching around Cullen.

“Hey,” Cullen protested, pushing again against the man, “Stay where you are.”

He ignored Cullen as Janine started wailing again, “Cullen you must believe me, _my name is real!”_

I smiled and stepped away from Cullen, meeting Josephine, “Dorian just confirmed her name is fake. Blood magic.”

Josephine turned to Janine, “How could this have happened?”

Her hair shook with her head and the diamonds she had threaded there caught the light, “I have no idea Josephine,” she pleaded, “It appeared not but a year ago I sweat it’s real.”

Josephine frowned, not quite believing that, “I am sure if you allow us to look into it some more, we can find out what is going on.”

Janine wailed, “You shouldn’t have to look into it.”

Dorian laughed and danced away from the bald man again, Cullen following him and getting between the two of them, “You’re lying, I think you put it there, or you paid someone to put it there for you, at least.”

“I did not,” she yelled, face contorting with rage, suddenly losing the tears “The Elder One gave it to me! He gifted me with a Name more powerful than those your Maker gave you.” She swept her hand out, each finger glittering brilliantly, “It is my duty to be with this man, to bring him to The Elder One. He is destined to become part of our cause.”

Cullen stepped back as Josephine gasped. I pulled them both towards me and steered us towards Dorian as Janine moved again, her hands shaped into red tipped claws, “He will come, and he will rule this world and rise to god-hood. He will, and you will all be his subjects in a new age.”

The bald man flanked Janine, his chin tilted up, “The Lady Janine is The Elder One’s faithful servant, destined to be a great ruler in the new times, and with the Commander at her side they will guide the Elder One’s armies across every land, conquering them in his name.”

Cullen pulled me behind him then, putting his bulk between me and the bald man, “Who is the Elder One?”

Janine smiled, her eyes manic, “He rent open the very skies with his power, he will create a better world free of your useless Maker and filled with real power.”

Josephine gasped behind me and Dorian breathed, “He made the breach?”

Cullen nodded, “The voice we heard when we closed that rift.”

Janine moved suddenly, lunging at Cullen, we all staggered back, “You are _meant_ to be with me. You are meant to command a force greater than this paltry Inquisition. You are destined for greater things!”

Cullen snarled, “There is _nothing_ better than what I have here.”

Janine laughed and the bald man chuckled, his hands starting to glow a sickly red, tendrils of power leaving them, “You have no idea. There is a greater power The Elder One commands and you have a part to play.”

Josephine moved closer to me, edging backwards, presumably to go find help. I waved a hand at her behind my back, urging her to go. Dorian glanced at us and his hands started to glow blue, preparing ice magic as I called on my own well of lightning.

Josephine made a break for it as Janine began speaking again, “You are meant to be with me, you have my name on your own body, you must!”

Cullen reached behind to me and listened for a moment as Josephine started shouting for help. The bald man’s hands glowed brighter and he stepped back into a ready position. His hand gripped mine tightly and Dorian and I pulled at more magic, ready to move against the other man.

Janine was entranced in her words, her eyes glazed over with bright furor, her diamonds glinting in the light from the now open doors, “You must have a Name! You must, it is well know you didn’t have one before! So show me, I am on you somewhere, I must be!”

I stepped around Cullen then, done observing and keeping my silence, “He did have a Name before.”

Her wild eyes swung around to me, “What?”

“He had a Name before,” I stated again, taking a step towards her, forcing the man at her side to tense, “It was mine.”

She snarled and lunged towards me, fingernails digging into my tunic and pulling at my skin, “You lie!”

I shot a bolt of lightning into her and Dorian whirled as he sent a bolt of ice into Janine’s companion, freezing him on the spot, his face a mask of anger.

“I do not,” I told her, pushing at her hands and sending another bolt into her. The shock made her hands push into me harder, nails breaking into my skin as she rushed me again digging into me harder, her gems scraping against me.

Cullen lunged and tried to pull her from me while Dorian kept the other man occupied with fire mines and bolts of ice.

“Get off of her,” Cullen hollered, pulling at her arms as I moved onto fire magic.

Janine started yelling, louder this time as the headpiece started falling out of her hair with her efforts to hurt me, “She _cannot_ be your Name, she is an _elf._ I am your intended, the one who will bring you to greatness.”

Cullen wrenched hard and she finally separated from me, giving him enough room to draw his sword.

Her head piece clattered to the floor and the bald man fell to a burst of energy from Dorian. The mage whooped his triumph as help arrived too late, Cassandra approaching our group with her sword drawn with Josephine and Varric hot on her heels.

I glanced back at them before smiling at Janine, “It’s over. Cassandra will be apprehending you now,” I bent to pick up the head piece, draping it gently over my braided hair before I turned and pulled up my shirt, revealing my Name, “And I am his Name.”

Janine’s face fell and she wailed, dropping to her knees, “He is supposed to be _mine._ ”

Cullen came up behind me and planted a large hand on my waist and pulled me back from her, “Elena.”

I sighed, “All right.”

Cassandra shook her head at my theatrics, pushing through us all to reach the Antivan, “You’ll be coming with me. We have a well-equipped dungeon, I am sure you’ll find it suits your _esteemed_ tastes.”

Josephine wrung her hands and watched as Janine struggled again Cassandra’s ropes, ineffectively.

Then the world slowed down again, the action over and the danger passed. Josephine gave a large sigh and Dorian slumped over as Cassandra hauled Janine away.

“Well,” Varric said, “I’m said I missed all the fun.”

Cullen sighed and I giggled.

Cullen turned me and looked me over, “Are you all right?”

I smiled, “I’m fine. Are you ok?”

His hands ghosted over torn bits of my shirt, small rivulets of blood soaking the leather, “I am more worried about you right now.”

He gently grabbed my hand and led me out of the Chantry, leaving the others in our wake as he swiftly led us to my cabin.

As soon as the door closed behind us he pulled me into his arms. The cabin was warm and familiar, safe and, finally, whole. Cullen made the space feel like a home, and his arms were the shelter I needed after days of worry.

They convulsed as he whispered, “I missed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I've been down with the flu, but thankfully today is the first day I am feeling somewhat normal! More soon, as always. :) Thank you all so much again for your kind comments and kudos! A longer chapter as an apology for the delay. :)


	16. Scratches in his Side

I gripped to him hard, hands grabbing at the back of his shirt and holding him to me, “I missed you too. I was so worried.”

His chest rumbled, “I’m fine. We need to clean your wounds, however.”

He leaned back to look at me and I smiled wide, “I will admit to some enjoyment during all of that.”

Cullen chuckled, “I can only imagine, my darling.”

I went up on my toes and kissed him, savoring the softness of his lips, the callouses on his hands where they ghosted across her cheeks. His sigh was deep and rumbled in his chest when he leaned into me, tongue poking out to touch my lips briefly.

Then he leaned back and led me over to an arm chair and settled me in. His hands worked at my clothing gently, pulling at my hastily tied closures and leather ties. He hissed when he revealed the first long gash, his pace picking up with each gash he revealed. She had not done her worst, perhaps, but there was enough damage that it would be smart to clean the wounds before closing them.

Cullen heated some water and soaked a cloth in it before returning to me. He worked slowly, warm water cleaning the wounds thoroughly.

I watched his hands move across my torso, “Are you all right?”

He smiled at me, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, “As well as I can be.”

“While I was gone?”

His smile faltered, “It was… Bad, but bearable.”

I leaned forward, hands wandering over his scar before brushing just under his eyes, “Are you sure? You don’t look like you’ve slept.”

He sighed and leaned into my hand, “Janine… I—I was rattled. I didn’t know what to think.”

I watched as he registered my frown, both of us just looking at one another for a moment, “Did you believe her?”

“For a moment I didn’t know what to do, I believed you, but she was there, claiming she was my Name and… F—for a moment… Just a moment, I believed her.” Cullen reached behind him and rubbed at his Name, his eyes cast down and away from me.

“I… Oh.” I said, hands dropping down to my sides.

The blood rushed into my ears and all I could hear is _I believed her_ over and over again in my mind.

Cullen knelt down and put his hands on either side of my face, “Elena, look at me.”

I took a deep breath and met his eyes.

His eyes travelled all over my face taking everything in for just a moment before he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine, “It was only a moment, before I remembered this.” He pulled back and looked deep into my eyes, “There is nothing else but us. Nothing which can come even close. I’ve been having visions of you for nearly as long as I can remember, I _know_ beyond a shadow of a doubt that we’re meant to be together.”

Something shifted in side of me in that moment. I knew it was unfair to hold him to a moment of weakness, I had had more than one of my own. I took a deep breath and simply stated, “Okay,” before leaning in to kiss him firmly.

I felt Cullen’s lips pull into a smile before he responded quickly, his lips slanting, “I missed you so much.”

His hands ghosted over my bare torso and pulled quickly at my breast band, his fingers making quick work of the lace trimmed fabric Josephine had given me once she knew I was Named. Once it was free his hands stayed maddeningly away from my breasts, instead setting into the curve of my waist and gripping me tightly to him.

I shuffled to the edge of my chair and leaned into him, hands atop his shoulders. The action brought Cullen back to himself briefly. He pulled me into his arms, taking my weight easily so he could maneuver us across the cabin and into the bed. He let me down gently before covering me with his bulk.

Cullen had thankfully left his armor off before going to his meeting with Janine, at Josephine’s insistence, so when my hands ghosted over his front I could feel the shadow of his sculpted pectorals and his abdominals. My skin was hot everywhere, his fingers digging into my skin where they moved up my side and then inward, ghosting just under my breasts and sending shivers across my skin.

I sighed, “Cullen.”

He smiled again and renewed his efforts, this time ghosting a thumb over an already pert nipple as his hot tongue met mine. His lips were soft and insistent against mine, creating a gentle friction which made my blood set on fire.

It was all the more intense with our forced separation, losing even for that moment what we so desperately needed threw into sharp relief every touch and caress. It all lit a fire which was building quickly. Cullen was out of his clothes before I could catch my breath and he made quick work of my pants and my smalls, leaving the both of us bare to the chilled air of the cabin and illuminated only by the fire light.

His hands slowed down, their actions becoming deliberate and reverent, as if he was memorizing every inch of skin, trying to heal what bruises and cuts I had developed in my various encounters.  His lips ghosted over every mark as he moved slowly down my body, my name on his lips at every stop.

My body relaxed as his hands moved over my hips and kneaded there gently, his lips scraping over my hip bones and then down to the tender skin just above my sex. His tongue darted out experimentally and every muscle moved, all relaxation leaving them and being replaced with hot anticipation. My belly dropped violently and a rush of wetness matched the slick movements of his tongue as he moved slowly south, lapping at thighs and leaving marks on the soft flesh he found there.

I sighed and lifted my hips begging him to move inward, but he persisted and only ghosted a hand through my slick flesh, leaving me wanting more.

“Cullen,” I begged, “Please. It’s been too long.”

His chuckle coming from between my thighs was almost too much to bear, “Patience, my darling.”

I lifted my hips again in protest, trying to move myself to him, but Cullen was faster, his spare hand pressing down on my middle to still me. It was silent command which the weight of his hand pushed into me hard, impressing upon me how much he wanted me to comply.

His mouth was completely off of me and the absence of sensation was a stark contrast to the overwhelming heat he had been giving me before. But once I stilled, his warm tongue again found my thighs, this time closer to the apex.

I resisted squirming about as he moved closer, his fingers now squeezing my inner thighs, his hands firm above trembling muscles.

His tongue hit me suddenly and without preamble, causing my back to arch and one hand to move into his hair, holding him to me, “Cullen!”

He smiled against me and pushed another hand to my middle, “Stay still.”

I panted, “I’m trying.”

I could feel his stubble move against my folds as he smiled, “Try harder.”

I groaned but he went back to lapping at me, this time a finger working into me slowly, meeting little resistance with how wet I was already. I tensed to keep my muscled from arching again, a larger groan tearing through my throat as he moved both around me and in me, his finger crooking mercilessly and brushing up against the flesh there.

I bit my lip hard enough to hurt and gasped, the heat building quickly and pushing me over the edge.

I could feel myself losing control, hands pulling at Cullen’s curls and legs pressing in on either side of his head as I wailed.

Cullen waited until I had relaxed before lifting his head a wicked and teasing smile on his lips. Before I could open my mouth to yell at him his lips were on mine, “You taste divine.”

I didn’t have a reply because in that moment he was pressing against my entrance, and the world narrowed down into that moment. The hot length of him pressed into me slowly, every inch delicious and exactly what I needed.

Cullen let out one long breath and then he was moving, pushing into me with a steady rhythm that had the heat pooling a pressure building within me again. I scraped down his shoulder blades and then dug into his sides as he sped up, spurring him faster and faster until our hot breaths mingled into the air, both panting more than breathing.

I tumbled first, a cry short on my lips before his were crashing down on me and he was groaning down my throat, his hips jerking into me haphazardly with his release.

He craned his neck and kissed my own, his lips light in the hollow of my throat before he chuckled again, “I really did miss you.”

I wrapped my arms around him and held him down tight, “I love you.”

His breath was hot on my neck, “I love you too, darling.”

I smiled up at the ceiling of the cabin, an overwhelming feeling of being home washing over me. I was finally back, back with Cullen and truly home for the first time in what felt like ages.

He leaned up and slid out of me gently, reaching over to the light stand to grab a cloth, he cleaned me gently before tossing the cloth aside and settling over me again. His hands ghosted up and down my sides absent mindedly, I returned the favor. I stopped when I reached the middle of his ribs, my hands ghosting over some ridges. I stopped his movement and glanced at his sides, finding them scratched and bleeding slightly.

I scrambled up and waved my hands at him, “You’re bleeding!”

Cullen lifted an arm and glanced down, a big smile on his face, “So I am.”

I winced and waved my hands at him, palms already glowing with healing magic, “I am so sorry!”

He grabbed one of my wrists, “Leave it.”

I looked up at him, “What? You want it there?”

Cullen’s face fell a little, “D-do you… uh, that is, would you mind?”

I tilted my head, “Not if you don’t. I thought you would mind.”

He smiled sheepishly, his cheeks turning pink, “I think I rather like them. Job well done and all that?”

He was looking anywhere but at me.

I pulled his face back so I could look in his eyes, smiling, “Job well done, my love. They can stay if you want them to.”

He flashed me a quick smile before burying his face in my neck again groaning, “I believe we have more to do today.”

I sighed up at the ceiling, “Give it another hour.”

His arms tightened around me, “Sounds perfect.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh I had issues with this chapter but MAKE UP TIME back to real stuff after this!


	17. A Hole in Her Gut

Josephine was waiting right outside when we wandered out an hour or so later, her face pulled into lines of stress.

“Herald!” she called, running alongside Cullen and I, “We have many things to go over. First, you must decide if we are going to support the mages or the Templars.”

Cullen grabbed my hand and squeezed.

“Second,” she said, “There are several correspondences I need your input on, Leliana has some reports she wants you to look over and Cassandra wants to speak with you regarding today’s… Incident.”

Cullen sighed and pushed his free hand through his hair, “Josephine…”

“The world doesn’t stop for one small cat fight, Commander,” she said matter-of-fact, her clip board rustling as she moved about some papers. “In fact, it’s made it so I have a great deal of work to do. We must write the lady’s family and inform them of her crimes, announce to the nobles and world at large that an elf has a Name, and that her Named is the commander of the Inquisition. I will be perusing the ‘Blessed by the Maker’ story in regards to your names.”

“Blessed by the maker?” I asked, scratching idly at the bandages Cullen had wrapped around my torso before we left.

The sun was just now setting over Haven and the wind from the mountains was picking up, rustling Cullen’s overcoat and making fast work of my leathers. I really had to remember to ask Josephine for a coat.

Josephine nodded, “Your Name is a gift from the Maker as thanks for being Andraste’s chosen.”

I shrugged, “Works for me.”

Cullen gave a long suffering sigh, “This is all rather complicated.”

Josephine frowned, “I know. There’s nothing for it. I’ve done what I can… The rest is up to you.”

I squeezed Cullen’s hand and zoned out as they began to discuss other business on our way to the Chantry. The soldiers were looking at us, some with knowing smirks but, thankfully, most of them appeared to be genuinely surprised. At least we had done a good enough job of keeping things a secret from them. In all reality, it was a relief that it was in the open. No more hiding, no more sneaking around. They could share a bed every night and be a part of each other’s lives without having to worry about the propriety of the Herald. It was rather like all the business with Andraste. The shems liked to believe she was this chaste mythical creature who did no wrong, but she was a woman with a lover and there was no reason to hold her to such a needlessly lofty standard. If I was her I would be rather upset they had completely disinherited such a large part of me.

“—na.” Cullen squeezed my hand hard.

I jumped, “Hm?”

Cullen smiled, “I said your name. Are you all right?”

I decided then to take advantage of my newfound freedom and leaned up to kiss him lightly, leaving behind a blush on Cullen’s cheeks. “I’m fine.”

Josephine smiled, “The newly Named, adorable.”

We approached the doors of the Chantry and Cullen hauled the door open for me and Josephine, and when they closed behind us they blocked out all wind and a silence came down around us.

“We simply have to decide who to go to for help,” Josephine said, leading us back to the War Room, “And then we can all get some sleep after this… interesting day.”

“Thank the Maker,” Cullen muttered, then he leaned down and spoke near my ear, “I didn’t sleep very well without you.”

I leaned into him, wrapping both arms around his considerable bicep, “I know what you mean.”

He pulled me closer with one hand atop my own and we entered the War Room in comfortable silence.

\---

Cullen paced across my cabin again, his boots loud on the wooden floor, “How can you possibly trust them?”

I scoffed, “Them? You mean _us?_ Mages?”

He shook his head, “You know that is not what I meant. These are _rebel_ mages, not tried and true Circle mages. They have no clear leadership outside of Fiona, and they’ve already torn apart half of Thedas!”

“With the help of the _Templars!”_

Cullen shook his head, “You’re _sure_ about this? You honestly believe it’s the best course of action?”

“After talking with Dorian, yes! We need to get them out from under Alexius and bring them here!”

Cullen waved his hands and shrugged his shoulders, an angry defeat, “Fine. All right. Do as you will.”

“Cullen…”

He shook his head, “I have no problem with mages. Not anymore.” He sat down on the bed with a sigh, “I-I should apologize.”

I walked over to the bed and climbed into his lap so I was straddling him, staying up on my knees so I could pull his head into my chest. I could practically feel him blushing but the need to hold him close was overwhelming.

“There is no need,” I told him quietly, rubbing his neck, fingers trailing small circled in his skin, “What are you concerned about?”

“They’re going to… boot your mark, correct? Make it more powerful?”

“Yes,” I said quietly, concentrating on running my hands through his hair and pressing kisses to his temples.

“What if they hurt you?”

My throat constricted and my vision started to swim as my eyes grew misty. I wrapped my arms around him tighter, the top of his overcoat tickling the sensitive bottoms of my arms. I didn’t know how to answer him, as it wasn’t something I had considered before. I had never worked with another mage before the Inquisition, there was one mage maximum in every clan, and everyone’s magic felt different. For all I knew, there was a possibility that my magic and theirs would conflict.

“I—“ I started, “I hadn’t considered that.”

Cullen leaned back in the bed and pulled me down with him. He didn’t say anything, but his expression spoke for him. I smoothed a finger over a creased brow, just under eyes which had grown tense and poked at wrinkles which appeared at their sides. Cullen closed his eyes and just breathed, his arms pulling me as close as he could with his armor on.

My shoulder twisted and my elbow pressed against his chest plate when he pulled me too close, leather gloves digging into my skin.

“Ow!” I jerked away from him and rubbed at my shoulder.

Cullen sat up quickly, eyes wide and hands fluttering over me, “E—Elena! Are you all right?”

I smiled weakly at him, “Maybe you shoulder remove the armor.”

Cullen blushed, “Uh, perhaps.”

I laughed, “Perhaps my behind.”

His chuckle warmed my belly and was like music to my ears. His easy transition out of his uncertainty and into laughing was something I wanted to give him for as long as I possibly could. We never discussed the fact that what we were doing was dangerous, but when he was laughing, small crinkles around his shining eyes that was all which mattered.

\---

We went back to Fiona, Dorian, Varric, and the newly joined Iron Bull and I. Alexius was obviously not happy to see us, but the last thing we thought he would do was to send us forward in time. At least I had Dorian for company in the strange future, working our way through a broken castle filled with lyrium.

Leliana was so _angry,_ and any time she looked at me she sneered.

Finally, I turned to her and asked, “Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

“You left him,” she snarled.

I blinked at her, “What?”

“You.” She stalked towards me, “Left.” Her hands grabbed the front of my shirt and shook me, “Cullen.”

“I—“  I went to speak, but was quickly cut off.

“Do _not_ say you are sorry,” she growled, “You _broke_ him. There are no words.”

Her hands gripped my shirt tightly and she shook me hard with each word so I was forced to grab onto her for stability. It could not, _would not,_ register in my mind. The idea was so foreign to me, so impossible it didn’t seem like it could possibly happen. How could I have left Cullen? I just saw him two days ago in Haven. Cullen’s fine he’s not broken.

Leliana shoved me away, scoffing as she stomped away. I gaped at her back and tried to think. I reached out with my magic, and realized suddenly that it wasn’t pulling for anything. I had no awareness of Cullen’s location, no distant longing to move one place or the other.

I closed my eyes and willed myself to have a vision, a glimpse of anything, but nothing came. Of course.

Dorian eyed me with concern even as Bull and Varric remained mostly silent, matching expressions of regret pulling at their eyes and the corners of their mouth.

“Wait!” I stumbled after Leliana, but was topped with one large hand on my shoulder.

“Boss,” Bull said, voice rumbling deep in his chest, “It won’t help.”

I whirled on him and marched as close to him as I could, “What happened?”

He shook his head, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Like hell!” I nearly screamed, “What the fuck happened to Cullen?”

Varric winced, “Blondie…”

“Don’t,” I snarled, “Tell me what the fuck happened.”

Bull sighed, but nodded at the dwarf, before carefully arranging his face to be blank.

“When we got back to Haven… It all happened so fast. Cullen was in a frenzy, asking everyone where you were and where you had gone. He said his neck was, uh, cold and that he couldn’t feel you anymore. Then Haven blew up…”

“Blew up?” I nearly shouted, but quickly fell silent so he could continue. I could feel Leliana at my back, her glare boring into my skull was hard to ignore but I did so in favor of listening as best I could.

“It did. And then Cullen just… Gave up. We were forced to move into some caves in the mountains, doing what we could where we could, but his heart wasn’t in it anymore. He… Well, Curly ran head first into a giant red Templar and never came back.”

Blood rushed everywhere and I could feel the emptiness like it was a physical thing, carving out my stomach and leaving me without anything. My ears pounded and nothing made sense when I looked around. Everything was blurry and red, up didn’t feel like it was up and I fell to the ground just to see which way I would go. On my hands and knees I tried to breathe but nothing happened when I opened my mouth. All around me there was a horrible noise, wracking and shaking and so very loud.

The walls began to shake and I distantly heard Leliana and Varric shouting at one another. Bull’s large hands hesitantly tried to reach out and touch me but Dorian pulled him back before he could.

“Her magic is unstable,” he whispered, “I can feel it.”

Bull nodded and then turned to keep his eye on me.

“Elena,” Dorian said, approaching slowly.

The horrible sound was coming from me, I realized. I was shouting my voice raw with words which didn’t make sense.

“You need to calm down. If you’re going to get back to him then you have to be able to move.”

One breath made its way into my lungs, the sound I was making pausing for a moment.

Dorian took another step towards me, “The Cullen you know is still alive and well, remember?”

Another short breath.

“You have to move so we can get back to him. You need to control your magic.”

Bull stepped close to Dorian, “Come on Boss, let’s go kick some ass. You can fight your way back to your man, so fight.”

I lifted my head to look at them. Whatever Dorian saw made him flinch, but Bull smiled.

I ignored them from that moment on. I was single purposed and moved with a fury which would have surprised me if I wasn’t so entrenched in the moment. All that existed was the momentum to move forward, to kill anything that got in my way and fight my way back to Alexius. He _had_ to send me back. I would not remain in a place where Cullen wasn’t. I couldn’t.

The magister gave in quickly, his face sad. It quickly turned to anger when Leliana killed Felix, but everything moved in a whirl from that moment. Alexius attacked, Leliana, Bull, and Varric sacrificed themselves and staved off the mysterious Elder One, and Dorian and I went back.

The vacuum in my gut closed as soon as we came out the other side, and the world righted itself.

Everything would be fine.

We spoke with Fiona, and then rode back to Haven _hard._ It took us half the time to return than it had taken us to leave. When the walls of the small village rose on the horizon my magic swelled and started reaching, searching out Cullen. It found him quickly and I made my way to the gates, where he was waiting for me.

His eyes were wide and he practically pulled me down off of my horse, voice thick and heavy as he said, “Maker’s breath. I-I thought I lost you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh sorry for the delay, searching for a new job after graduation so things have been nuts for me!


	18. Embraces at the Gate

I clung to him with desperate hands clawing at his back and digging into his overcoat and into any gaps I could find in his armor. Cullen was holding me so tight it was hard to breathe, but I would take this pain over the wrenching loss I had felt in the Fade any time.

Cullen was mumbling, endearments and reassurances and everything faded away from me but his voice, his words tumbling over me and rumbling through me.

“I love you so much,” he breathed, “Please never leave me again.”

I mumbled back, shushing him and assuring him, my cheek pressed to his and hands threaded through his hair and holding him close. He hauled me up and carried me to our cabin, his hands under my ass and my legs wrapped around his waist. I caught a glimpse of Cassandra and Dorian talking with Bull and Varric, Cassie’s eyes following Cullen and I as Bull smiled softly and Dorian looked concerned.

All thoughts of Cassandra’s unease were shut off when the door closed. Cullen sunk down to the floor with me anchored in his lap, his face shoved into my neck and his armor digging into me painfully. His hands were pulling at my shirt and belts until his gloves were pressed into my back. He groaned and leaned back for just a moment to tear the gloves off with his teeth before hauling me back to him and pushing his hands against my back.

Like a pair of magnets his hands found the Name along my back and ghosted his hands over it, sighing just a little. The calluses on his hands sent electric sparks across my back and down to my fingertips.

I let him move and pushed closer to him, my hands snaking through his hair before settling my fingers over his own Name. His skin was warm to the touch and when my fingers ghosted over his Name a shudder ran through us both. Small sparks of lightning came to my fingers of their own accord, shocking us both before the rolling turbulent force of my magic settled and we both relaxed, assured the other was alive and well.

It lasted for only a hair’s breadth, before hands were tearing at buttons and buckles, pulling away clunking piece after piece of heavy armor and thick leather until we were bared to our waists. Cullen left my breast band where it was but began to kiss along the slope of my shoulder, his voice picking up again and rumbling through me.

I sighed and let my head fall back, one hand ticking at the back of his neck and the other digging into his side hard, nails biting and leaving angry red marks.

“Maker’s breath,” he said, moving up my shoulder, “I was so scared,” his voice broke, “I didn’t know what h-happened…”

He stopped, hauled me close again, and shuddered, his shoulders moving roughly. I moved so my arms draped over his shoulders and I was now holding him to me. I stayed there holding him tight and taking deep breaths.

“Elena…” He moaned his head pushing into my shoulder more, biting the skin he found there, “Please—“ he stopped to take a deep watery breath.

His thick voice tore through me as surely as if the Creators had struck me down themselves. Cullen was strong and stoic when faced with difficult times, he did what I often felt I could not, standing strong for his men and making them feel safe and assured.

I froze stock still and felt my own eyes watering, “I—I. Oh Creators Cullen, they told me I had killed you.”

Cullen leaned back and our eyes met, shining with tears and blue connecting with gold.

“What?” He asked, expression growing dark.

“L-Leliana said… I had killed you. Y-you were dead and it was m-m-my fault.” I sniffed heavily and leaned into Cullen, struggling to keep my composure long enough to tell him what happened.

“I was dead?” He asked, voice soft and hands softening over my skin.

“Alexius…” I took a deep breath and chocked down a sob, “He sent us to the future.”

“What?” Cullen reeled back and looked at me with disbelief. He took one look at my face before swearing unusually rough for him, “Fuck.”

A laugh broke through my constricted throat, “Yeah. Fuck. He moved us a year. We ended up in some… Twisted future.”

Cullen put a hand over my mouth, his eyes having cleared and no longer filled, “You need rest.”

I gaped at him, “What?”

“You rode hard to get here, right?”

I nodded.

“Then you need to sleep, we can talk tomorrow.”

I nodded again, more numb this time, “You sure?”

Cullen swept his thumbs under my eyes, one calloused palm on each cheek, “You’re here. For now, it’s enough.”

I smiled weakly, “Alright.”

He carried me to my feet and with gentle hands undressed me and then himself, hands ghosting over skin before settling me into bed and then lowering himself behind me. He pulled me flush against his chest and then sighed, lips pressed into my hair.

“It’s enough for now,” he murmured.

I fell asleep quickly, eyes blinking shut within moments. The utter relief of being with Cullen again combined with the hard ride and tough battle meant there was nothing left of my energy.

It was dreamless, thankfully, and I woke up early.

The sun hadn’t risen yet and Cullen was still behind me, his arm heavy over my waist and face buried in my hair. I yawned but snuggled back into him, reveling in his warmth and concentrating on it, keeping the thoughts at bay.

I refused to relive it, until I could tell it all to Cullen in one fell swoop and then put it behind me, preferably while still wrapped in his arms. I turned over and buried my face in his chest sighing softly, allowing my eyes to drift closed. The fade tickled at me when I heard it, a soft word falling from his lips.

“Elena…” He sighed, arms pulling me tight.

I smiled into his neck and pressed a kiss there. Weak light shone in from the full moon and gave his form a cool glow. It was tantalizingly wonderful to run a finger over his scar in the darkness, the fullness of his lips soft under my fingertip. Cullen’s nose twitched but he stayed asleep.

His legs shifted so they were tangled with mine when he spoke again, “Mia, stop interrogating her.” Then he mumbled, trailing off, “Maker no, stop…”

I laughed quietly and settled in further under the blankets. Cullen talked in his sleep, adorable.

Then he said something that made my stomach drop and heart wrench painfully, “Stop it, you’ll scare the children…”

I sat up suddenly and looked down at him, my cheeks burning painfully, “Children…”

I hadn’t through of it until then. But surely… Surely Cullen wanted children? He was a family man at heart, he made a family even of the soldiers he led. I had been moved from my clan at a young age, when my magic appeared, and Lavellan became my home after that, my family. I had never known siblings teasing me or my mother’s loving embrace after a night of demons tempting me and torturing me in the fade.

But Cullen he had a big family, filled with nieces and nephews and grandparents. Surely he wanted the same?

I leaned down and mussed his hair, allowing the curls to fall around his eyes and around his ears. He turned his back to me and hugged the pillow at his head, his mumbling now unintelligent.

I trailed kisses down his shoulder and up to his neck, biting lightly at his ear and smiling when he groaned with the beginnings of awareness. I pressed several kisses into the softness of his curls and allowed one hand to trail down his spine, fingers drifting to the still fading marks in his side.

“Elena…” He groaned, “It’s late.”

“I know,” I agreed, matter-of-fact.

Cullen sighed and turned over, “What’s the matter?”

“Well…” I looked over his shoulder and thought back on his words, “You were talking in your sleep. Were you dreaming?”

A light blush worked its way across Cullen’s cheeks and faded down into his stubble. I smiled at him and ran a hand through his hair again, waiting for him to find his words or to tell me to drop the subject entirely.

His cheeks puffed out as he let go of one long breath, “I was dreaming of you… Meeting my family.”

“That explains some things,” I told him, smiling down at him.

He hauled me down close to his body and pushed my face into his shoulder, “Just go back to sleep.”

The next morning Josephine was pounding at our door bright and early, “Lady Herald, Commander!”

Cullen sat up first and I rolled over, shielding my eyes with an arm and groaning.

Before he could move any further she burst into the room and started speaking rapidly, “Please pardon the invasion, but we must go close the Breach at once.”

I turned to my back was to her, “Can’t it wait?”

Cullen groaned and the bed vibrated when he fell back into the blankets.

Josephine walked to the closest window and opened the shutters and then puttered back and forth making breakfast, “There are many noblemen with something to prove, though Maker knows what, who believe that your Name is fake, and therefore you are not the Herald. This was expected, but now a group of them are planning on going up to the former temple and closing the Breach themselves. I’ve already roused Fiona and the mages, as well as assembling a smattering of troops, we just need you now.”

Josephine snapped her fingers, “Please be outside in five minutes.”

The door closed behind her with a snap and I turned to look at Cullen, who had a big goofy smile on his face.

“What, exactly,” I asked, poking him in the cheek, “Is so amusing?”

“Everyone knows,” he said, turning his head to look over at me.

“That we’re Named? Yes, they do.”

“So, we can have a proper ceremony now?” His eyes were shining with hope, and I very suddenly realized I had no idea what a ceremony would entail.

“I suppose so,” I said, smiling back at him, “Although I should warn you I have no idea what that entails.”

Cullen pulled me in for a rough kiss, instead of replying properly. His tongue darted out to touch my lips briefly before he released me and smiled wide again.

“We’ll talk about it after we go close the Breach,” he said.

I sighed, “Oh fine then, make me go close the big scary hole in the sky.”

One large palm curved around my wiast and he kissed me once more, “Let’s go save the world.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am attempting to spend more time on each chapter? Hopefully it shows?? I am also battling some writers block, so please forgive me! Also pls forgive the filler chapter, more soon I promise!


	19. The Shouts in the Village

The Breach closed, and Cullen’s fears were thankfully unfounded when the mages poured their power into me I felt exactly that, powerful. It was an intoxicating sort of feeling which tempted me, had me wanting to use it to whisk Cullen and I to some far off island to spend our days safe and away from danger.

But it was an easy urge to ignore, one look at the Breach and I remembered that all of Thedas was depending on us. Our Naming ceremony, and whatever that would entail, would have to be public, along with the knowledge of our relationship.

I sighed deeply as I watched the last vestiges of the Breach drift away, the sky left marred but closed. It had taken everything I had, as well as most of the energy from the mages around me. I could see their shoulders dropping and eyes fluttering as they struggled to stay awake.

“Well that was _fun,_ ” Dorian said from behind me, glancing at Fiona and her mages and then back at me.

I slumped into my staff, both hands grasping for purchase to keep me upright, “That was _tiring._ ”

Varric laughed at my other side, “At least the giant hole is closed.”

The Iron Bull grumbled from just past Dorian, “And the demons are gone.”

“Oh, is the big Qunari afraid of demons?” Dorian teased.

Bull laughed, “Who _isn’t?_ ”

Dorian shrugged, causing a small smile to tug at my lips. It was all so much at once, the rush of magic, a giant rip in the sky being knitted closed, a gallery of people watching and waiting for me to fail, and here was Dorian, teasing.

“Elena!” Someone called from behind me.

I could feel my Name warm as Cullen approached, I turned to face him and kept a smile on my face in an attempt to mask my weariness. Cullen tilted his head anyway, worry creasing his brow.

“Are you all right?” He asked, hands coming to rest on top of her shoulders.

My smile dropped a fraction, “I—Well. I’m tired.”

Cullen pulled me his arms wrapping around my waist to support me, “Just _how_ tired?”

I leaned my head on his shoulder, “Pretty darn…”

He pulled me closer as my eyes drifted closed, “Elena…”

And that was the least I heard before everything went dark.

\---

I woke up back in Haven, to music drifting through the air and Cullen stroking deft fingers through my hair.

He smiled down at me, eyes relieved and shining, “Welcome back.”

I smiled up at him, “Hi.”

He chuckled, “Feeling better?”

I rubbed a hand at my forehead and sat up slowly, “Better, yes.” I shook my hand and found it still stung when I moved it, “But my hands still hurts.”

He smiled and took the hand in question into his, fingers gently stroking the mark and sending tingles up my spine, “Solas said that might happen. Something about putting that much power and making it momentarily unstable.”

I nodded, “Makes sense.”

Cullen pressed his thumbs into my palm, massaging the flesh there with small firm circles. I sighed and leaned into his shoulder, the fatigue still weighing on me.

“What’s that music?” I asked.

Cullen trailed his fingers down my own, sending more trails of fire up my arms, relaxing me, “That’s Haven. They’re celebrating the Breach being closed.”

I smiled at him, “That’s nice to hear, then.”

Cullen nodded as his hands started working up my arm, his touches alternating between light strokes and teasing presses. “Do you… Want to hear about a Naming now?”

I nodded, “Please.”

He smiled softly and shifted behind me so he could continue his massage, his fingers never stopping as he spoke, “They’re different, depending on where you’re from. In Honnleath it lasts three days and involves a lot of celebrations and parties.”

I leaned back into his hands, “Three days?”

He kissed my shoulder and hummed in assent, “Yes. Three days. The first one is mostly a lot of eating and dancing. The families get together and the entire village makes more food than you can imagine and everyone is invited to join in the festivities.”

I smiled at the fireplace, imaging that the music outside was in honor of us. That instead of celebrating the Breach closing they were celebrating our Naming.

“That sounds… Nice,” I admitted.

Cullen chuckled as his hands trailed down my spine, “I agree. The second day—“

Cullen was cut off when there was a shout from outside, and shortly after bells began ringing.

“What—“ Cullen rose from the bed and went to the door, but it opened before he reached it.

A soldier poked his head in, “We’re under attack!”

Cullen cursed, “Fuck.” He pulled on his boots and waved at me, “Stay here.”

Before I could protest he was out the door, calling orders and taking stock of the situation.

I struggled out of the bed, groaning as my muscles protested, and started pulling on my armor. Cullen must have taken it off when we got back, but I would be damned if I didn’t pull it back on for an attack.

I listened as the shouting increased, people ran towards the Chantry and general chaos took over the sounds of celebration. Varric rushed to my door, his eyes wide and Bianca at the ready.

“Time to go Blondie,” he said, shouting over the noise.

I nodded frantically, pulled on my boots, and grabbed my staff. As soon as I stepped outside the door it was a whirlwind of activity. Cullen was ushering people into the gate and his soldiers were directing people to the Chantry. Men and women in uniform who weren’t shepherding people were carrying weapons and ammunition from place to place, manning their stations and bracing themselves.

I moved to protect the trebuchets, ignoring Cullen’s calls for me to go inside. Varric, Dorian, and Cassandra slid in behind me and helped me keep them off of the soldiers long enough for them to aim. The blows were bad, but it wasn’t enough to stem the tide completely.

Men covered in glowing red mineral formations came at us, and Varric cursed.

“More red lyrium!” He shouted.

Cassandra grunted, “Why is it growing out of them?”

I shouted back to them, “Who cares about that now? Just defend!”

We fought back wave after wave, and just as they began to die off, a horrible screeching came from the sky. It echoed everywhere and was followed by the flashes of a red explosion.  

Dorian gasped, “Is that a dragon?”

Cassandra shook her head, “Seems more like an Archdemon to me!”

The retreat was sounded and we began to run back to the Chantry, taking cover behind buildings to avoid the strange sickly red fire. We rescued people where we could, managing to save five or six more citizen.

Cullen sighed when he saw us approach the door, “Thank the Maker you’re alright.”

I smiled at him and touched his arm before I went in, Cullen sealing the door shut behind us.

A strange man in a large hat sat in a corner with Roderick, and Dorian and Bull were talking in a corner as Cullen mulled over what we were to do.

“We could make a stand here,” he said, waving his hand around at the building.

Cassandra shook her head, “We won’t last long.”

Josephine raised her voice above the din, “We have no allies in the area, we are all but alone here.”

The man in the hat’s voice drifted over to us, “You’re right.”

Cullen turned, “Pardon?”

“He is right,” he waved a hand at Roderick, “He wants to help.”

Roderick opened his eyes and took a gasping breath, “The pass, in the mountains. You wouldn’t know it unless you’d made the Summer Pilgrimage. Someone will have to buy us time… But we could evacuate that way.”

Cullen stepped closer to me, nodding at the injured man, “Are you sure?”

Roderick nodded, and the boy next to him smiled lightly, “He wants to help.”

Cullen nodded once and looked directly at me, “Elena, take people down the pass and get them as far away from Haven as possib—“

“No,” I said immediately, “I’ll be the distraction.”

He whirled, face immediately drawn up in anger, “Void take you this is not the time to argue.”

“Dread Wolf take you,” I snarled, “This is precisely the time.”

Cullen all but rolled his eyes, “Elena please, take the people down the path.”

“No,” I said, already whirling for the door, “ _You_ take them down the path, I will make sure you’re clear.”

Cullen ran and caught my elbow, “Don’t do this.”

“It’s my job,” I told him flatly, “These people are here because of me, because of the Inquisition. I have to protect them.”

I tore my arm away and cast him a last guilty look before I rushed out the doors.

Varric, Cassandra, and Dorian were hot on my heels as I made my way to the last remaining trebuchet.

“I do hope you have a plan?” Dorian called.

“Of course,” I assured him, “We’re going to bury the place.”

Varric scoffed, “What?”

“Aim the trebuchet behind us, make it so they’re buried and they can’t follow the refugees,” I explained.

Dorian laughed, panic edging in on his voice, “I didn’t realize this was a suicide mission.”

I laughed, “You’ll be long gone by the time I fire, trust me.”

Cassandra growled, actually growled as she took a swing at a Templar, “Like shit you’re firing.”

I smiled, “I have to Cassandra, this is all my fault.”

“We’re in this together,” Varric reminded me.

We worked our way to the trebuchet, fighting back Templars along the way and when we finally got there, wave after wave descended upon us. We fought them back just enough for me to turn the machine and ready it for fire.

“Get out of here,” I yelled, glancing at Dorian, Cassandra, and Varric in turn, “I’m going to fire and then follow you as fast as I can!”

Dorian was watching me with wide eyes, Cassandra was frowning more than usual, and Varric was shaking his head. None of them had time to complain, however, when I readied it for fire.

The three sprinted towards the hidden entrance, and I prepared to pull the lever when the sick screeching filled the air again.

The Archdemon fired a shot at me, launching me from the platform as it swopped over, dropping something off as if made a pass. A man made his way through the dim, and the demon landed behind him, growling ambiently as he approached.

“You make a mockery of your gift,” he said, voice ringing and low.

“Who are you?” I asked, edging towards the machine again and trying to tamp down my panic.

He was sickly looking, too tall and too thin, skin stretched over what appeared to be a set of red lyrium armor, and hands pointed into claws.

He sneered at me, “I am the Elder One. I am a liberation for this world, a release from the Maker’s broken promises and a new god for a new age.”

“Good thing I don’t believe in the Maker then,” I said, laughing as I inched again towards the lever.

“Cheek will get you _nothing._ ” He said, voice still ringing through the air like a strike on an anvil, “You are Named to someone who does not belong to you, a testament to the broken system which has chained this world for so long. I will strike every name off of every body, freeing this wretched land and renewing all of Thedas. Tevinter will rise again and magic will again flow through the veins of every family.”

I felt my eyes widen just a fraction, but kept my face mostly impassive, “Interesting. See I was born with my Name, Cullen is very much mine.”

“The Templar is no more yours than Andraste was the Maker’s,” he said, voice deep with conviction, “You allow an absent god to determine your fate, an ancient system built on nothing but the whims of a being long gone from it’s throne.”

“I didn’t allow _anything,_ ” I told him, suddenly lunging for the handle.

He snarled and the dragon howled as the trebuchet fired, flinging a stone into the mountain side and sending a rush of snow towards us.

The Archdemon picked up the Elder One and flew away as I made a mad sprint for the entrance of the pass, praying to the Creators I would make it.


	20. The White Oblivion

When I fell through everything went white for a moment. With a thud I hit the ground, my arm wrenching painfully with the impact, aggravating my battle wounds and jarring my ribs. The cracks of bone breaking were audible in the moment just before my head hit the stone and I blacked out.

Sometime later, I woke up, head pounding, side throbbing, and my arm at the wrong angle.

I struggled to stand with my good arm, wincing as my ribs grated together and my legs protested the work. Every bruise on my body was screaming for attention as I struggled forward. I had to lean against the wall and fight against the broken bones and cracked ribs.

The walls were cold to the touch and it seemed like if I kept my hand in one place too long I would freeze there forever.

The mark on my hand ached and I came across a rift with demons milling about outside of it. I raised my aching palm and there was a surge of energy through me, leaking through all the breaks and bruises before flying out through the mark. The energy left me in a green arc, opening a small rift and sucking everything into it.

The demons slowed, and then disintegrated. Pieces of them flying back into the rift before there was another surge of energy and the rift closed. I kept my hand aloft to close the fade rift still hovering above the cold floor.

I wanted to stay and contemplate what exactly had just happened, but my first step to investigate was painful. It reminded me that I had to rush somewhere I could heal. I reached for a potion to dull the pain, but my belt was empty before I even spoke with the Elder One.

 

No potions, cracked ribs, and it was bloody freezing. Just perfect.

I stumbled forward down the tunnel some more, the exit in sight now, as well as the raging blizzard beyond it. I steeled myself but didn’t stop, instead moving an arm to shield my face and wrapping the other around my chest to support my ribs and attempt to keep in some heat.

The blizzard was endless, snow whipping past me as the cold air stung the skin on my face and made it feel tight and uncomfortable. What I wouldn’t have given for anything to stem the cold, but instead all I had was the company of wolves wailing in the distance.

There were signs of the Inquisition, small fires left here and there, along with the pull of my Name towards Cullen, but it was weak. The distance made our connection feel clouded, muddied by the shear vastness of the mountains and space between us.

I kept onward, knees pulling to my chest to clear the snow and every once in a while hitting my side and sending a fresh wave of pain through me.

I hissed, “Fuck,” but I refused to examine my wounds. I kept my eyes on the dying embers just in front of me, sighing with relief. It was recent, not more than a couple of hours old, I could be catching up to them.

I walked past it, slowly, the cold dragging on my limbs and making me want to stop. I wanted to sit down in the snow, burrowing in a way I knew would keep me warm and away from the wind. I could just drift off… find a blissful eternity in the banks of snow rapidly growing around me.

Each step made oblivion seem more inviting, easier, certainly. Everything was easier than dragging myself through foot upon foot of slow. As I made my way up the next crest with the last bit of energy I could afford myself I begged the Creators for mercy.

It even almost seemed like I could see the afterlife, shimmering between two mountains, friendly and warm. If I just fell asleep here I could go there, perhaps. Rub some heat back into my fingers and toes, keep them from falling off with frost bite. My side would stop hurting and my arm would cease arching.

It was a final pleasant thought before I gave in, kneeling in the snow and falling forward, my name on distant lips as I surrendered to the Fade.

When I came too I was looking at the ceiling of a tent, and I was warmer than I should be. Furs and blankets were piled on top of me and I could feel a fire rune burning at my back through the thin fabric of the cot.

I took stock of my body. My head was pounding alongside my arm, but both appeared wrapped and stable. My chest was tight with the bindings I could feel chafing there, but it suppressed the pain from my ribs. There was a strange empty ache from where one of my pinky toes should be, but I ignored the sensation and concentrated on the warmth.

I should not have been this comfortable, but when I settled down further into the blankets and drifted off... I couldn't have cared less. I was alive, presumably, in a tent somewhere, and the distant murmuring of persons unknown assured me I wasn't alone.

It was enough for now. 

Three loud arguing voices woke me the next time. Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana were arguing just outside my little tent, and Mother Giselle was hovering over me.

“Good,” she said, smiling gently, “You’re awake.”

I groaned and went to lift a hand to my head, “Ow!”

She chuckled, “Best not to move too much. You’re quite injured.”

“I did notice that,” I dead panned, waving my good hand at my general self.

“You’re lucky Cullen found you,” she chastised, placing one hand on my shoulder, “He was worried sick.”

I sighed, but didn’t respond. I knew he would be worried. He was still arguing with the other advisors, but he was close by. My magic had settled enough for me to know he had been close by for some time, keeping it calm.

Giselle tilted her head and listened to the new wave of arguments.

“We have to get out of the mountains,” Cullen said loudly, “This is no place for the Inquisition.”

“And just how will we do that? Where shall we go?” Josephine demanded.

Leliana was softer than the other two, but still authoritative, "Towards Redcliffe. We could make a decent camp there until a more permanent home could be found."

"That doesn't help us now," Cassandra interrupted, "We're lost."

Cullen groaned, "I don't know what we can do about that."

Giselle stopped listening and spoke over their continued discussion, "They need a leader."

 "They do well enough on their own," I told her.

"No," she said, shaking her head, "They need someone to do the hard things, to make the decisions others would regret without remorse. Someone who can see beyond the immediate and look after the future of all of Thedas. What happened in Haven cannot happen again."

I nodded, "You think that person should be me?"

"If not you, who?"

Sighing, I maneuvered myself so I was standing and made my way to the argument, which had again grown loud.

“We have to come to a decision,” Josephine was saying.

I walked towards them, wincing only a little when the emptiness in my foot turned into a throb.

Cullen’s back went straight before he turned and looked at me, eyes wide, “Elena!”

He took two large strides before he wrapped his arms around me, enveloping me in the warmth of his jacket. I sighed and leaned my weight into him, grogginess making standing more difficult than I anticipated.

Cullen rested his head on mine before he began to press gentle kisses into my hairline. The crowds around us had fallen silent, a thousand ignored pairs of eyes watching our reunion. His hands remained resolutely around my waist as he took his time assuring himself I was okay.

His presence, more than anything, grounded me back in reality.

“Elena, Elena, Elena,” he breathed, “Do _not_ do that again.”

“What? Launch an avalanche at myself? I think chances are pretty slim,” I joked.

His arms tightened, pressing in on my ribs more than they could take.

“Ow!” I gasped.

Cullen leaned back, horrified, “Maker’s—Ah. I am so sorry, are you all right?”

I rested my good hand on his arm, I’m fine.”

He smiled with relief before pulling me close again.  

Josephine took that moment to interrupt, clearing her throat over Cullen’s shoulder. “Perhaps the lady has some insight for us?”

Cullen frowned, “Can’t it wait? She is hardly in any shape to give a report.”

“We’re in the middle of a blizzard, Cullen,” Cassandra pointed out.

Leliana sighed, “We can always wait until my scouts return before badgering her.”

“But what if it’s unsafe for the scouts to even be out there?” Cassandra argued.

Josephine sighed, “That’s why I asked.”

“I _know,_ ” Cassandra said, “But I’m talking to Lel—“

Cassandra stopped her eyes narrowing as something else cut through the air. She tilted her head, listening.

We all turned, light notes floating through the air as Mother Giselle walked calmly towards us. She kept her eyes downcast and voice low as she sang what I assumed was an old chantry chant.

Leliana was the first to join her, smiling gently at the Chantry mother. The camp slowly swelled with voice upon voice joining in on the hopeful song. Thousands of refugees, survivors, singing of a coming dawn, many of their eyes trained on me as they did so.

I leaned into Cullen’s side, who slung an arm around me and pulled me close. His voice was one of the last to join into the melody.

It surprised me, how low and deep it was, resonating in the air around us and cutting through me. I had yet to hear him sing, but the action suited him. Regret entered my mind as I realized this is something I should have known about him, should have asked. He had grown up in the faith, of course he knew how to sing. And yet I had not thought to ask.

It was a quick moment before an even deeper and darker feeling emerged, setting in my gut and making my limbs feel even heavier than they already did.

Cullen, Leliana, Cassandra, Josephine, Dorian, Varric, Solas… and so many more. Refugees, mages, Templars, civilians and royalty. They all relied on me. They saw me as a symbol of hope, of proof that their Maker had not completely abandoned them.

It was a heavy weight when it settled onto my shoulders and in my heart, the firm realization that I was already their leader. I hadn’t asked, but I had been thrust to the front of out movement and had been acting as a leader for some time.

When the last notes faded in the harsh wind, the entire camp was calm and smiling. Families mingled and friends chatted, celebrating that they had survived. They believed the worst was over.

Solas pulled me aside when the singing was done, ignoring Cullen’s protests.

“I know what we have to do,” he informed Cullen, voice serious and hushed.

“Just be quick,” Cullen said, slinging his jacket around my shoulders, “She’s still injured.”

Solas nodded seriously. He led me up the hill outside of camp and paused aside a torch sticking out of the deep snow. With a wave of his hand he lit it with a strange blue fire.

“There is a place, north of here,” he started, “A place long abandoned, but still standing. Somewhere an organization can grow and gather the power and resources it needs. It will need work, of course, but people will come. Take your time to heal, and then scout ahead, lead them towards the fortress where they will be safe and your Inquisition can grow.”

I smiled, “Thank you. But it’s not mine—“

Solas laughed, “It soon will be.” He turned and made his way back to camp, “Heal first, Herald.”

I looked to the north, nodding absently.

Cullen found me still standing there, contemplating what this place Solas spoke of looked like. He must have seen it in his walks in the Fade, but could it really still be standing and without claim? Who would just leave a fortress stranded in the Frostbacks?

“Elena?” Cullen asked.

I turned and smiled at him, beckoning him over with my good arm, “Cullen.”

He approached and wrapped me in his arms again, breath even and deep.

“I didn’t get to say welcome back,” he murmured.

I smiled into his neck, pushing my cold nose into the warm skin there, “Is that so?”

I could hear his smile, “Indeed. Welcome back.”

“I’m told you were the one who found me?”

I could feel the nod.

I leaned back and looked up into his eyes, savoring the warm tones and depth of feeling there, “Thank you.”

His face softened and remembered worry put wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, “I was so worried.”

“I know.”

“Are you ok?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

I wasn’t sure how to answer, so I opted for a joke, “I am fairly certain I am missing a toe.”

He chuckled, “Devastated?”

“I would have liked to have kept it, yes.”

He smiled, “You’re all right.”

I nodded in response.

He pulled me close again and swayed us gently back and forth. It wasn’t an overwhelming overture to how much he loved me, but in many ways it was more powerful.  I could feel my Name warming up across my back, soothing the broken parts of me and keeping me warm in his grasp. Love and bliss rode off of Cullen in waved, accompanied by buckets of relief, and I knew he could feel the same depth of emotion from me as well.

We rode the gentle waves together in silence, taking the time we needed to return to normal. 


	21. Reuniting after Turmoil

When Cullen pulled back, he immediately set about taking me back to camp. Maneuvering around my bound arm and making sure my side was stable, he guided me down the hill and back towards camp.

“I don’t know why Solas brought you all the way out here,” he muttered.

I leaned into his side and smiled up at him, “I know where we should go.”

“Hmm?” He asked, still fixated on taking me down the hill.

“I know where we can take everyone, I’ve solved our problem. We go north.” I informed him.

Cullen crinkled his brow and looked down at me, “North? _Further_ into the mountains?”

“Solas saw something in the Fade, a fortress we can get to from here,” I elaborated, sneaking under his arm and settling in closer to him.

“An entire fortress, just waiting for us in the Frostbacks?” He settled his arm around me and allowed his warmth to sink in through the coat.

I just nodded and stared forward, ready to get back into camp and sleep off my injuries. I was too weary at the moment to debate the merits of Solas’s words. If the mysterious mage said there was a place we could go to to the north, then we would go there. No one else had any ideas on where to take thousands of people, so Solas’s suggestion was as good as any.

Cullen allowed me my silence for a moment before he spoke softly, just loud enough to be heard over the wind, “Would you… stay in my tent tonight? I know we’re, ah, in close quarters here, so people will see. But I would like to have you there.”

I smiled up at him again and nodded hugely, “I would love to.”

He blushed at my enthusiasm, but smiled lightly all the same, “Good. Then… I’m on the closer side of the camp.”  He lifted his hand and gestured to a slightly larger tent on the very perimeter of camp.

“Living like a king, huh?” I teased making my way towards the tent.

Cullen chuckled, “As much as one can after the town you’re living in gets buried.”

I entered the tent first, and as soon as Cullen let the flap fall shut behind him, I stepped back into the circle of his arms. His jacket was still slung around my shoulders, so he slipped his hands underneath and placed his palms against my waist.

When I was passed out, someone had changed me into a thin set of underclothing, and Cullen’s jacket was the only thing keeping me warm. The short walk away from camp had made me cold and shivery. The shirt was just thin enough that it seemed I could feel every nook and cranny on his hands as they shifted up and down my sides.

His hands moved far enough up that they brushed the bindings around my ribs and it all came rushing back. I winced and the ache where my toes had once been became more pronounced, and my arm jostled with the movement.

The pain was lost in a wave of delayed panic. The wind blew heavily outside, making the tent shake and the light flicker. Rumbling came from each and every mountain face, the sound no different than normal but more profound after my ordeal in Haven. Every wheeze and breeze through the mountains became a harbinger for an avalanche in my mind and I feared having to walk again through the snow.

I settled further into his arms and shivered.

“Elena?” Cullen asked, worry lancing though his voice.

When I failed to respond, and instead started to breathe shallow and quick, he pulled me over to the bed and set me down gently.

Behind my eyes I could see snow drifts and trees just beyond heavy snow. The phantom movement of my legs as I trudged through the snow surged through me, making it feel like I was still in the middle of a blizzard.

Cullen quickly pulled off every piece of armor he had and then climbed on top of me. One knee settled in on either side of my hips and his hands again found themselves drifting over my cheekbones.

“Elena,” he said softly, “Just breathe with me. You made it here and you’re safe.”

His breath was deep and slow, traveling and rumbling around his chest and prompting me to time my breath with his.

I struggled for some time to gain control, my heart still racing as I tried to calm my breathing and allow myself to return to normal. My vision slowly started to clear and I could see Cullen in front of me, his eyes boring into mine and looking concerned.

All the while Cullen was still murmuring at me, soft words of encouragement as he again led me through the darkness.

“I’m sorry,” I told him, blinking as the panic cleared.

Cullen smiled sadly and pulled me into his chest, still a head taller than me as he kneeled. “Don’t apologize.”

I smiled into his chest, but remained silent, weariness washing over me from both the battle and my panic. As if he could sense it, he gently lowered me into the bed and maneuvered me so I was under the covers. I settled in on my side and closed my eyes, listening as Cullen tied the tent closed and removed the rest of his clothing. He climbed in behind me and pulled me flush with his chest, one heavy arm settling over my waist and fingers tickling my stomach. Heat quickly spread through me and all memories of the cold and snow were melted away.

“Cullen,” I mumbled, “Thank you for coming to find me.”

He planted a kiss at the back of my neck and murmured, “There is no need to thank me, darling. I will always come find you.”

I knew what he said was true to the bottom of my heart. Cullen was always a man of his word, and he loved me. He took his duty as my Named seriously, dedicated to protecting me and making sure I was safe. It was a dedication I had never witnessed before. I had left my clan and my parents for Clan Lavellan at a young age, leaving me without an example of what a proper relationship looked like.

Cullen, however, was giving me a good idea.

“Will you finish telling me about a Naming?” I asked.

He rumbled with assent, “Where did we finish?”

I thought back to what seemed like years ago, in our bed back in Haven when we had first spoken of having a real Naming. “The second day,” I recalled.

“The second day…” He spent a moment thinking, idle kisses trailing up my shoulder, “The second day is spent preparing for the main ceremony.  The women and men separate for the day, the mothers and sisters together pampering themselves and the bride. The men go on a short hunt before having a big dinner and generally someone arranges… ah… _Entertainment._ ”

I roused a little at that and turned over in the bed, “ _Entertainment?_ ”

“Female entertainment,” he clarified with a blush.

I smiled wide, “What do these _female_ entertainers do?”

Cullen groaned, “Do you really want to know?”

I fake pouted, “This is our _Naming,_ I want to know everything.”

“Alright…” He assented, blushing fiercely, “They, well, er… Dance for the men. Rather unclothed.”

“Unclothed!” I gasped, holding a hand over my mouth and making sure my eyes were as wide as possible.

His smile was sheepish, “Yes. And then… the men drink until they sleep, and the third day is the actual ceremony.”

“Interesting…” I said, “But I am still stuck on the unclothed part. What does that look like… exactly?”

Cullen watched with surprise as I rose from the bed and stood in front of him, hands on my hips and watching him.

He smiled quickly before he set his head on a fist and examined me, “Well the women usually take their clothing off at the beginning, rather slowly.”

I smiled and started in on the buttons down my front. It was awkward moving around my bandaged arm and I had to be gentle with my ribs, but Cullen seemed none the wiser. He watched avidly as I slipped off the shirt, leaving my stomach and chest exposed. My ribs had been bound up and around my shoulder, rather than around my breasts, leaving them free.

A trail of fire followed his eyes wherever they roamed, and the cold air was a delicious contrast to his attentions.

I drew his eyes back to mine when I spoke, “What next?”

“Well the pants, obviously,” he said, smiling.

I undid he tie at the waist, slowly pulling the bow apart and letting them fall off my hips. I stepped out of the pool of fabric and pushed it behind me. Whoever had dressed me, although I now suspected Cullen, had found me a pair of lace panties with a bot at the front.

Cullen sat up all the way and swung his knees over the bed so he could lean forward, elbows to knees.

“Next,” he rumbled, voice deep, “The panties.”

Although I had begun this game I blushed at this step. I knew it was coming, of course, but I did pause a moment.

Cullen noticed my pause and sat up fully, “You don’t have to…”

I raised my eyes and smiled at him, determined to finish what I had started.

I pulled at the bows on each side and let the fabric fall, leaving me naked in front of him.

Cullen blinked for a moment and then smiled appreciatively, “Then, they usually dance.”

That did stop me for a moment, “Dance? Like how?”

He stood from his perch and approached me, hands reaching for my hips, “Like this.”

He settled in front of me and gently began to guide my hips, moving them in gentle circled before shifting them up and down. He danced with me, swaying gently along with whatever beat was in his head.

Heat spread out from his hands and pooled in my pelvis, prompting me to shift closer to Cullen and lean into him. I felt his head drop to my shoulder so his lips could trail across my shoulder and up my neck. I let my own head fall to the side allowing him more access at the same time, I curled my hands around his neck and pulled him closer.

As he stepped in, he moved between his legs and pulled me flush with his body. His hardness pushed into my stomach and I was reminded that I was alive. I had survived everything, an avalanche, an Archdemon, everything, and I was here with my Named.

I jumped suddenly, startling Cullen who had to move to support me as I wrapped my legs around his waist and pressed my naked sex against his erection. Cullen groaned and crashed our lips together, his tongue immediately moving to tangle with mine.

Before we could get too absorbed standing, he was laying me down on the bed and moving over me. He leaned up for a brief moment to remove his shirt and then descended on me again. A pair of wide palms moved to separate my knees and with a brief pause where Cullen pulled himself free he was entering me.

He went slowly, groaning as he sheathed himself within my heat.

I clawed at his back and moved my hips to meet his, reveling in the connection after my ordeal. Cullen didn’t take his time, instead gave into temptation and moved with intent. Our movements were desperate and fevered, both of us gripping tight to each other in assurance.

Very quickly I was brought over the edge and tumbling over the edge, adrenaline combining with heat to prolong my release. Cullen followed shortly afterwards, crying out short before collapsing on top of me.

I held him close as we came down, both of us floating on pleasure and drinking in each other’s presence. We drifted off in the same position, finally giving into exhaustion after a very trying day and a half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for the delay! I moved and took on a new job so things have been a little crazy. However, I hope to get back to once a week starting now! Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments so far, I love and cherish them all!


	22. The Bite of the Mountain

First thing the next morning, Varric was standing outside of our tent, shouting and jeering. “Wake up Curly, Blondie! We have to move!”

Cullen groaned and pulled me closer underneath the furs we settled on top of ourselves sometime deep in the night. It was clear he was unwilling to face the day this early with his deep sighs and noises of protest as Varric kept shouting. I could feel his bone deep weariness as if it was my own, and it was as if my Name was chilly on my back.

Sensing something was wrong, I leaned up on my elbows and looked down at Cullen. Immediately I noticed that my injuries from the previous day had already begun to heal. Many of the bruises I sustained had developed more and ached, but there was much less sharp pain overall.

Cullen, however, appeared to be worse than yesterday. The only lingering effects of my exposure to the chill was a bone deep weariness, Cullen appeared to be suffering from some kind of fever. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were mostly closed and I could see some buildup around the edges.

“Cullen,” I asked carefully, “Darling?”

Cullen tried to open one eye but didn’t seem to find the effort it took worthwhile. He let his eye close and grunted at me instead. It sounded like a vague kind of ‘What?’.

“Are you ok?”

He shook his head lightly, but the action still made him wince. Instantly my magic was pulling at the surface, feeling green and eager to heal. The surge pulled a groan from me as it brought attention to all my injures just below the surface, and where my toes were missing the magic seemed to stop short awkwardly.

It was by and large the largest surging of her magic since they had met, and it was that face alone which made me worry.

“Cullen,” I started again, “I’m going to check you over now, make sure you’re ok.”

Cullen groaned but didn’t fight me when I pushed him onto his back and ran my hands over him. Most of his skin was flushed and he was warm all over, it took only a moment to assess that his fever was huge.

Varric began to shout again outside, “Come on lovebirds! Now is not the time for amorous activities.”

I jumped at the sound of his voice and jumped out of the bed. I pulled on Cullen’s shirt and poked my head out of the tent.

“Cullen’s sick,” I informed Varric, “Please go get Solas. We can’t move until he’s well.”

Varric frowned, “Well, shit. Half of the camp is already itching to move. I don’t know how I’ll keep them at bay.”

“ _Try?_ ” I begged, “Please. He can barely move.”

“That bad?” He asked, eyebrows nearly up to his hairline.

I nodded, glancing back into the tent behind me at Cullen’s mostly still form. “Please, just get Solas.”

Varric nodded and left, walking swiftly deeper into the camp.

I watched him go for a moment before turning back into the tent and hovering at Cullen’s side. He had managed to flip over onto his stomach and was breathing shallowly. I placed a hand in the middle of his shoulders, and Cullen groaned.

“Hmmm…” he mumbled, “Elena…”

I leaned down and met his gaze, “Cullen, you have a fever, don’t try to move. I sent Varric to go find Solas.”

He blinked at me once or twice before nodding and closing his eyes. He fell asleep again almost immediately, the fever pulling him into unconsciousness whenever it could. I kept careful watch of his chest, making sure he was still breathing. After a couple breaths I fetched a cold cloth and began to wipe the fever from his skin. He was still naked from the previous night, and every inch of skin I could reach was much warmer than it should be.

He stirred a little when I reached his neck, groaning with relief and shifting so I could more thoroughly clean him. I had just made it to his forehead and his eyes were fluttering when Solas walked in with Varric and Cassandra behind him.

“Wow. He really doesn’t look good,” Varric stated the obvious.

Cassandra, who was standing to his right, nodded, “We can’t possibly move with the commander like this.”

Varric smiled at her, “You just can’t bear to be apart from me.”

Cassandra scoffed, “Just because we had to share a tent does not mean I _wanted_ to share a tent.”

Solas cleared his throat, “If you please.”

Cass blushed and Varric smiled, “Go ahead Chuckles.”

Solas inclined his head graciously and came up on Cullen’s side. “Hello Commander,” he said, “Please do not be alarmed, I need to touch your shoulders to see if there is anything I can do.”

Cullen groaned but didn’t protest when Solas put one hand in the middle of his shoulder blades. His hand glowed green for a moment before Solas withdrew, frowning.

“What is it?” I asked him.

Cassandra stepped up behind me, “Is he alright?”

Varric put a hand on her shoulder, “He’ll be fine, right Chuckles?”

Solas nodded, “He has a fever from hiking through the mountains. I’m afraid he was left weak when he allowed the refugees to take his rations and what extra coats we had.”

I frowned, “He did that? When was the last time he ate?”

Varric and Cassandra shrugged, and Solas frowned further, “Not eating made him more vulnerable to the disease. It should pass with time and fluids, but if his fever does not break within a day, we may have to employ magic.”

“Magic? Is it that serious?” I asked.

He nodded, “Any fever is when it’s this high, especially if it goes unbroken. He will feel weak for days even when it does break.”

I glanced down at Cullen, contemplating how his hair was curling lightly and sticking to his neck and forehead. Cullen seemed to only be half aware of what was going on, his eyes fluttering every once in a while like he was trying to wake up.

It was unnerving to see Cullen lain low by anything, he was so formidable a man. He commanded men with ease and always knew what to do even in the toughest situations. Cullen was sure of himself, and believed in the Maker and in love harder than anyone I had met before. Though in the beginning, I found the idea of being with him impossible, every day I was near him we grew close. Felt more.

Regardless of my Dalish heritage, I had a Name, and everything that came with it, and now my Name was ill. The face set my world off kilter. Nothing felt right unless Cullen was well, unless he was able to touch me and be touched, to respond to me and tell me how much he loved me.

Solas drew my attentions away from Cullen by speaking again, “How are you faring, Herald?”

“Hm?” I asked, turning towards the trio again.

“He asked how you are doing,” Cassandra repeated.

Varric narrowed his eyes at me and looked me over, “You did lose a toe or two.”

I glared back at the dwarf, “Don’t look at me like that. I should be asking you how you ended up sharing a tent with Cassandra.”

The seeker immediately blushed and stuttered, “Elena! That is hardly an appropriate question.”

Varric spoke immediately after her, “It’s nothing scandalous, my lady. We just ran out of tents and Cassandra had no other place to go. She almost slept out in the cold.”

I frowned at her, “In the cold? Really?”

She scoffed, “It would have been nothing. But it was very kind of Master Varric to have taken me in.”

Varric winked at her, “You can call me ‘Master’ any time.”

Cassandra turned heel at that and hastily threw over her shoulder, “Keep your mouth shut, dwarf.”

I could have sworn I saw her blushing as she turned and walked towards the camp.

Varric smiled after her and Solas arched a brow.

“Are you quite done?” the mage asked.

Varric smiled, “For now. I’m going to follow her though, make sure she doesn’t take her embarrassment out on some poor recruit. Also gotta inform the camp we’ll be staying here until the commander it better. I don’t think they’ll mind.”

I nodded and watched as he departed the same way as Cassandra.

Solas stepped towards me and looked deep in my eyes, “You should be sleeping still. You had quite the ordeal.”

“I slept plenty,” I told him, “Other than my toes I feel in top form.”

He eyes me carefully, “This is most unusual. You sustained many injuries, few of them minor. Perhaps…”

He glanced down at Cullen.

“Perhaps?” I asked.

“Perhaps your Name took some of your pain for you,” he elaborated, voice low as he thought.

“Is that even possible?”

“I am no healer,” Solas said, shrugging, “But it would explain why he so suddenly became ill. That, and a lack of proper nutrition. I will leave you both now to recuperate, I will return at dinner to examine him again. Keep a cool cloth on him as often as possible, and allow his body to work through the illness. Time is the great healer.”

Solas left the tent, the same as the others, leaving me alone with Cullen’s shallow breathing.

I turned back to my Name and crouched down by his head. His golden eyes fluttered, and the few glimpse I got told me he was weary and tired, more tired than I had ever seen him. It was painful to see, but I was determined to lighten the situation and keep him at ease.

“Cullen,” I sighed, “What am I to do with you?”

A ghost of a smile crossed his lips, “Mmmm.”

“What was that?” I asked, leaning in closer.

“Kiss… Me…” he managed to get out, his smile more full now.

“Hmm…” I pretended to consider for a moment before I leaned in and brushed my lips against his. “Good morning.”

He sighed contentedly and then spoke again in the same strained and soft voice, “Water.”

“Oh!” I jumped up and cursed myself immediately. I knew enough of illnesses from being First to know that was the most important part of treating a fever. Hydration and nourishment.

I grabbed a glass of water for him and cooled it lightly with a dose of magic, as well as an apple and a paring knife to feed him. I would have to call for some more substantial food soon, but the red fruit would do for now.

Cullen sighed gratefully when I helped him take sip after laborious sip of cool water. The effect was almost immediate, his eyes were more alert and his skin less flushed. He found the strength to turn himself over in the bed and sit up so I could feed him carefully cut slices of apples.

“Elena,” he said softly, voice less hoarse now, “Thank you.”

“Thank me?” I smiled, “No need. I should be thanking you.”

He cocked his head to the side in question as I fed him another slice.

“Solas says you took something meant for me,” I explained, “You took part of my illness and pain from walking through the mountain.”

His face dropped a fraction at my mention of the mountain. As painful as the memory was for me, I could only imagine how he felt about the entire ordeal.

“I would take anything to make sure you stayed safe,” he murmured, looking at me with blazing gold eyes.

I sat for a moment, struck by his dedication. “I know you’re my Name,” I started, “But this… I don’t know how to thank you for saving my life.”

Cullen pulled me to his chest, “It was a selfish move.”

“What?” I asked, bewildered.

“How can I have a life without you?” he stated simply, “It was self-preservation.”

I smiled into the skin of his shoulder, absorbing his words before remembering that being so close would not help his fever. To offset it, I chilled down my hands with another small dose of magic and ran them over his sides.

“Elena,” he groaned, “That feels amazing.”

I giggled, “It’s just my hands, Cullen.”

He smiled down at me, eyes dancing, “Your hands can do some pretty talented things.”

I covered my blush by smacking his chest lightly, “You… What will I do with you?”

He shrugged.

I rolled my eyes but remember I needed to feed him, “I need to go get you some food, at least. We can’t move until you’re better.”

Cullen sighed, “Just give me until tomorrow. I promise we’ll be moving then.”

“Take your time,” I urged him, “Healing is important.”

“No,” he contradicted, “Making sure we are far away from that… thing.”

I frowned, “Did I not tell you?”

He looked at me strangely, “Tell me what?”

I sighed, “Wait here. I need to gather the War Table.”

Cullen watched me hurry from the tent, curiosity and weariness written all over him.

I was berating myself as soon as I left the tent. How could I forget to tell them? I had to warn them, to tell them I had met the Elder One and that he had given me my mark. Leliana would be so disappointed, to know the Maker hadn’t granted her the mark, and Josephine… The Antivan was the most soft spoken of her advisors, but I knew the news would unsettle her.

I found the pair of them with Cassandra by the fire, the three of them talking low.

They all looked at my strange dress, but I spoke before any of them could ask.

“You need to follow me,” I told them.

They all glanced at one another, but didn’t protest when I led them back to Cullen and mine’s tent.

I was the first to enter, greeted by the sight of Cullen. He was still in bed, but he had pulled a shirt on, at least.

“What is going on,” he asked, looking at the other three women.

“Why Commander,” Leliana teased, “How nice of you to dress up for this impromptu meeting.” Her words were light but her eyes were worried as they flashed over to me.

“What is going on?” Josephine asked.

Cassandra stood with her arms crossed and waited.

“I met the Elder One,” I blurted out, “He is commanding the Archdemon and he is the one who gave me the mark. He says I stole it and corrupted it so he can’t take it back.”

Cullen gave me a wide eyes look, “He gave you the mark?”

Leliana jumped in with, “Was it not the Maker then?”

Josephine was silent as Cassandra asked, “Can he be beat?”

I shook my head and held up my hands, “I went to the trebuchet with a small team, and we managed to hold him off for some time but… He has power like I haven’t seen before. When he tried to take the mark…” I shuddered.

“Is he in charge of the army that attacked us?” Cullen asked, eyeing me carefully.

 “Yes, I believe so.” I said.

“How did he amass an army without us knowing?” Asked Josephine.

I shrugged, “I think we need to speak with both Dorian and Cole, they seem to know something. We have to wait until tomorrow to move, so until then we may as well get as much information as we can. I’ll write a formal report, and you three speak with whoever you can about this Elder one.” I turned to Cullen, “Your only job is to heal.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but I cut him off, “Heal.”

Leliana crossed her arms, “I’ll speak with the Tevinter. And Josephine and Cassandra can track down Cole. However, before we do that, just where will we be going tomorrow?”

I rubbed my hands together and pointed further into the mountains, “North. Solas has seen a fortress there, empty and waiting for us to take it.”

“A fortress,” she asked, looking astonished, “Just waiting for us?”

“It does seem improbable,” Josephine chimed in.

“What choice do we have?” I asked them, “We need to move, and we would need to go north in any case, it’s the only path we have left out of the mountains. I’m told it’s only a mile or two north of the turnout of the mountains. We just need to… overshoot a little.”

Cassandra sighed, “Fine. You better hope the elf knows what he is talking about.”

“I think he does,” I assured her, trying to stand tall, “It’s our only shot. The Inquisition has no other place to go.”

“She does have a point,” Josephine said, “If we don’t go take this… fortress… We’ll have to beg for asylum from some lord or lady.”

Cassandra sighed, “Fine. We’ll convene here tomorrow at first light, discuss the Elder One, and then… We move.”

I nodded, “We move.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't quite got updates back to once a week! I promise I am working at it! Hope you all are well, and thank you again for all your lovely comments and kudos!


	23. A Sword in Her Hand

Cullen’s fever broke but he was still so tired from his ordeal that he was asleep for the rest of the day and through the night. I made sure to wake him up periodically to pass him some water and feed him some broth to keep his strength up.

When dawn broke, Cullen was moving about the tent freely, fully recovered. We worked together packing up what little we had as we waited for the War Council to reconvene. Word had clearly gotten around the camp that we would be moving, all around there were sound of people packing and tents being torn down.

I was worried about my plan, and whether or not it would work. I trusted Solas knew what he was talking about, but the mage was vague about the scope of the fortress. What if the location was smaller than haven, forcing the refugees to stay in tents as opposed to real homes? The fort could well be ruined beyond repair and nothing more than a stone slab and a decimated tower.

There were so many problems and little to no solutions.

“Elena…” Cullen called, looking concerned.

“I’m fine,” I assured him, pulling a smile.

He rose from his crouch by the chest he was packing and came to stand in front of me, hands on my shoulders. “What is it?”

I sighed, “There’s just so much riding on this. What will we do if Solas is wrong?”

He pulled me close, ready to console me, but before he could the tent opened and Leliana, Josephine, and Cassandra stepped in. Josephine smiled at us, her hand held up in an attempt to hide it, Leliana’s eyes sparkles, and Cassandra looked conflicted.

I stepped away from Cullen and smiled at the three women, “Look who’s up and moving around!”

Josephine laughed, “Our Commander is back in action!”

I nodded and Cassandra frowned, “Is he well enough to travel.”

Squaring his shoulders, Cullen nodded, “As good as I can be. We have to get moving.”

Leliana sighed, “You know he’s right Cassandra.”

The seeker shook her head, “I still don’t like it.”

Cullen crossed his arms, “We move.”

Cassandra sighed but didn’t argue with him anymore.

We all stood for a moment, gathering our thoughts. It would take half a day for the entire caravan to reach the supposed fortress, and until then we all had to keep the survivors calm and most importantly, alive.

I sighed finally, breaking the moment, “The Elder One. He’s Tevinter. And he made the mark to get into the Black City.”

Leliana blinked at me, “You mean that story is true? Tevinters going to the land of the Maker?”

I shrugged, “If he’s to be believed… Yes.”

Josephine’s eyes had turned wide as she looked at me, “He’s… Crazy. He has to be, there is no possible… It cannot be!”

“We have to consider every possibility,” Leliana pointed out, “We have to come up with a plan if what he says is true. That would explain why the Breach opened up into the Fade. We should consult Solas, see if there is another way to enter the fade.”

Cassandra was looking at her shoes, clearly thinking, “I simply cannot believe it’s true. You’re saying he entered the fade?”

I nodded, “He did imply that he ‘saw the throne of the gods’.”

Cullen shivered, “He may just be crazy.” He slung an arm around my shoulders and held me close as if he could protect me from the Elder One.

I leaned into his side and sighed, “First we have to get to… wherever it is we’re going. I’ll scout ahead with Solas, make sure we don’t get lead astray. Is the camp ready to move?”

Josephine shrugged, “As ready as they can be. They… They didn’t have much left.” The ambassador’s eyes filled, prompting Leliana to nod at us all.

“We should get moving,” she said, “The sooner get there, the better.”

The pair of them left the tent, leaving Cullen and I alone with Cassandra.

We looked at her curiously, but she needed no prompting before starting.

“Forgive me,” she said, “Are you two all right? Varric was speaking to me… Er… In our tent, and he made it sound rather serious.”

I smiled over at Cullen, who frowned at me before answering Cassandra, “We’re all right now. Short a toe or two, but we’ll make it.”

Cassandra cracked a smile, but seemed to acquiesce, “Very well. I will feel no guilt about our travels then.”

I nodded, “Go find your _tent mate,_ I’m sure he needs help packing.”

Cassandra blustered, “I… You… Fine.”

Cullen watched her go, smiling, “Did you have to?”

“Someone has to,” I muttered, “Varric _really_ likes her.”

Cullen sighed and pulled me so my chest was pressed against his and his hands were running down my spine, “Just don’t scare her off of him.”

I smiled into his chest, “I won’t.”

His chest rumbled with laughter, “If you say so.”

Cullen and I finished packing quickly after that, my mind still mulling over what to do with The Elder One. When we finally were ready to go, the whole camp was waiting on us to start.

Cullen pulled me behind him on my Red Hart, and we set off at the front of the caravan. Solas found us there quickly, and began to explain where we would need to go and that it would only take us half a day to get there as long as we kept up our pace.

With Solas and I scouting ahead, the caravan found its way easily through passes and around mountains, until we all rounded a bend together and stopped, in awe. Rising as if it had always been there was a great fortress with sturdy stone walls and proud turrets. The crowd behind me was buzzing with excitement and relief, goal finally in sight and salvation in hand.

Cullen pulled me back onto the Hart behind him and allowed my hands to wrap around his waist. I was bone weary from all the hiking and walking, and most of the camp was as well, but I could feel Cullen’s relief and pride. He settled one hand on top of mine and pulled me closer.

“Well done,” he murmured, voice rumbling through his back and into my chest.

I sighed happily and watched as we approached our new home.

Immediately when we arrived, everyone went into a frenzy. People began to unpack and Josephine and Cassandra helped divide space amongst the tradesmen and the workers of the Inquisition. Cullen roped off an area for training and Leliana directed a discrete group of people around the castle, seeking out hiding places and somewhere for her ravens.

I was left with ushering about the families and the sick, seeking out the best place for an infirmary helping people determine where their tents should go. A good chunk of the refugees managed to find space indoors, but a handful of them had to set up tents in the courtyard until we could find space for them over the bridge and by the gate.

Cassandra interrupted me, pulling me aside and hauling me towards the steps into the fortress, “We have something to tell you.”

The crowd followed us, eyes up on the steps. Cullen and Josephine looked at me happily as Cassandra led me up the steps to Leliana.

She explained that they needed a leader, someone who could make the hard decisions and would look out for everyone’s best interests.

Leliana handed me a large sword, the crowd sheered, spurred on by Cullen, and I was Inquisitor.

The war table followed me inside the fortress, and for the first time we all got a glimpse of the work that had to be done. We discussed where to start first, stepping over beams and inspecting fireplaces.

I was looking up at the stained glass against the back wall when a wave of exhaustion hit me. Groaning, I put my hands on my knees and tried to catch my breath. Cullen must have felt my pain, as he was at my side moments later.

“Elena?” he asked, voice low and worried.

I waved a hand, “I’m fine… Just… _Really_ tired all of a sudden.”

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and guided me towards a side door, “There’s a bedroom up here,” he explained, “I may have to beat dust out of the mattress, but I’m sure we can make it work.”

The other women watched us go but didn’t comment. It must have been more obvious than I thought. I had lost two toes and a good number of my bones were still bruised and broken. Moving here was too much too soon, and even though it had to be done, my body was not cooperation.

When we reached the bedroom at last, after three flights of stairs, someone had clearly already tidied it up for us. Josephine must have sent someone ahead to dust and light a fire. A set of simple sheets were on the bed and the sight of it made me smile.

“Ready for bed?” Cullen teased, watching me smile at the mattress.

“Aren’t you?” I fired back, already moving to slide into bed.

Cullen kept me from sliding in all the way, instead moving to quickly pull off my armor and leaving it to dry by the fire. Then he shed his own clothing, stripping down to a simple pair of red linen sleeping pants.

Finally, he settled in behind me, pulling me against his chest and nuzzling my hair, “Now we are.”

I smiled, drifting off into my first good sleep in days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for your wonderful comments and kudos! :) Hope you all had a wonderful Fourth of July! Sorry this one was short, we're in a transition here for a moment before things heat up again! In more ways than one. ;D


	24. Answers Lost

When I woke up, the sun was clearly past its apex, the bright light just turning golden. The wall across from me was a bare stone, missing its usual adornment of a tapestry, and I couldn’t see my fireplace out of the corner of my eye as I should have been able to.

I whirled out of the bed and turned around the room, reeling as memories came at me.

We had found it, the fortress Solas had dubbed Skyhold.

The room Josephine had insisted I take was large but mostly unappointed, there was a bed and a desk. Nothing else. The bed had been made up with one of the only surviving mattresses from Haven, and haphazardly made with some sheets of uncut muslin. It was simple, but the sacrifices other had made to give me the comfort of a bed was heartwarming.

Patently missing from the scene was Cullen. I glanced about, expecting him to be close at hand, but when a rustle of the bedclothes did not produce one scarred commander, I quickly set about dressing and heading down the stairs.

Even in the stairwell the sounds of construction were loud and dominate. Workers shouted through the great hall and up and down the stair well. Men and women both hauled out debris from every corner of the castle, as Josephine watched over them and made instructions for people to salvage what they can and to mind their heads.

The ambassador smiled wide when she saw me, beckoning me over with a crook of a finger.

“Inquisitor!” She called, smiling bright.

“Josephine,” I returned, approaching the Antivan.

She was clearly happy, and swept me up into a hug, “I do not know _how_ you did it, but this place is remarkable. It is defensible _and_ will make for an excellent place for hosting balls. We’re a little lacking in the area of guest quarters, but the kitchen is easily big enough to feed the hold _and_ host a feast.”

She was giddy with excitement, so I played along, smiling wide and nodding, “That sounds wonderful Josephine.”

“We will be the envy of all of Thedas,” she declared confidently, “Just you watch.”

I nodded again, but this time more absently. There was still no sign of Cullen. I scanned the halls again and spotted Varric standing next to a great table. All around him people were scrambling to move rubble out of the room, but Varric was steadfastly ignoring them in favor of moving his quill across some parchment.

I left Josephine to her organizing and approached the dwarf. He looked up only briefly before continuing to jot down whatever came to mind.

“Tell me,” he said, no segue, “how big _exactly_ do you think that dragon was?”

I shrugged, “At least seven Varrics long don’t you think?”

The dwarf snorted, “At least! Although, I don’t think measuring in dwarves is very handy. Shall we say fifty feet?” 

I laughed, “May as well. Although maybe we should make it a trend, measuring every dragon we meet in ‘Varric-Lengths’.”

He looked up at me then, “You don’t think we’ll see any more, do you? I’ve had enough of them for three lifetimes back in Kirkwall.”

Kicking at the ground I sighed. I hadn’t meant to make him worried, but anything which reminded him of Kirkwall always made him nostalgic and worried. I had heard him talk about Hawke more than once on the road, about how the Champion had brought him along on all sorts of adventures. But the Champion no longer watched over Kirkwall, and instead left their estate in the stewardship of their friend Merrill, as Varric made sure the house was supplied with plenty of coin. The Champion herself, last he had heard, was traipsing around the country with her lover killing slavers and cursing Tevinter.

“I’m not planning on finding any,” I hedged, backing away from the table and changing the subject, “Have you seen Cullen?”

Varric shook his head, expression clouded but attention back on his writing. I left him there and moved on.

It occurred to me that I could use Cullen and mine’s strange connection to feel him out when I reached the main door and felt a flicker of my earlier weariness. He had found me then when I had almost keeled over from the exhaustion, perhaps if concentrated I could find him? It seemed when he approached within 50 feet of me, a stirring would happen in my magic, and when we spent a long time apart my body yearned for him, but locating him in between was a challenge.

I tried to send thoughts and feelings his way with no luck. Then I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing, waiting to see if there was a tug or an inkling of awareness somewhere which would lead me to him.

Still nothing.

I gave up and decided that my best course would be to seek him out on foot. Starting with the interior doors, I walked through the one just to the left of Varric and found myself in a large tower with a staircase and small library taking up residence along the inside edge. Solas stood in the middle, a hand on his chin as he contemplated the walls.

“Solas?” I asked, careful to approach softly.

“Da’len,” he said, turning to look at me.

“Hah,” I said, “I’m not that little.”

The bald man chuckled, “Perhaps not, but the name seems apt. How may I assist?”

“Well… I am looking for Cullen, but I do have a question for you?”

One of his brows went up but he remained silent.

I shuffled my feet but continued my line of questioning, “How much do you know about names? And how much do you think the anchor is effecting my… Naming?” I finished my question lamely, but I knew he had been contemplating the question for some time.

As we had made our way to Skyhold, he had shared with me some of his theories regarding the anchor, as well as how it was effecting Cullen and I. From what I understood teleporting and dream sharing was not part of the normal Naming process, nor was sharing one another’s pain and emotions.

Solas stepped away from the wall and walked towards a desk in the middle of the room. Already it was covered in notes and small leather bound books I knew he recorded his dreams in, as well as several candles and one of the strange skulls with crystal eyes we had found on the road.

“I have been compiling notes,” he explained, pulling out a brown leather notebook slightly larger than his normal ones, “Gathering everything I can about Names, Naming, and anything where the Fade may cross with the phenomenon.”

I nodded, eager to hear what he had discovered.

“Unfortunately,” he frowned, face dour, “It is hard to find facts regarding Naming in the first place. Few studies have been done, and everything is wrapped and riddled with legend, lore, and romanticism.”

I smiled at that, “Humans have always held Names in high esteem.”

He nodded slowly, “They have. And they will do so until the end of time, I do believe. But since Naming and Names have been present for all of written history, present even Pre-Blight, I can only assume that their surety in its existence has led to a complacency academically. No major studies have been done, as humans with names refuse to be examined by elves, dwarves, or qunari, and any humans wishing to study the subject are ridiculed and their findings quickly dismissed and lost to time.”

“Genetivi had some interesting ideas on the subject, but he only mentioned them in passing. He himself was Named, so it was a normal part of his life, but he did perhaps suggest that it had something to do with how we connect with magic.” Solas sighed and flipped through the book, looking for a specific section, “He theorized that elves and humans and qunari must connect through magic differently, being from different places and of different anatomy. He thought that perhaps the way humans interacted with the fade made them closer to it somehow… Although that is utter rubbish.” He scoffed and looked at me, face dour, “But there must be something about humans that allows them to have Names, where no one else does.”

“I have one,” I reminded him, rubbing absently at my back.

He nodded, “I am aware. I do not know what caused it… But I will research more. As for the… unusual phenomenon you’ve experienced, I am convinced that does have to do with your proximity to the fade. Perhaps your spirits are close to one another in the fade and you mark allows you to use that to feel his emotions and for him to take your pain. It is but a theory, but a good one, I think.”

I smiled then, “At least we have one. It would be nice to have some answers.

He bowed shallow, “I will do my best to find some. By the way,” he said, almost an aside, “I believe Commander Cullen went through that door.” He pointed across the room as I smiled gratefully and moved that way, “Thank you.”

There was another tower across a short walk on top of another wall, where the front door was open and I could see Cullen standing just inside, his hands on his hips as he looked around. I came up behind him as silent as possible, but he turned before I could spook him, smiling wide.

“Did you really think you could sneak up on me?” He asked, voice light and amused.

I shrugged and feigned casualness, “A girl can hope?”

Cullen just shook his head and pulled me close, planting a kiss to the crown of my head, “Did you sleep well?”

“I did,” I told him, “Best sleep I’ve had in days. It’s a shame we’ll have to leave so soon.”

Cullen sighed, “Right. We have an empress to save, and a demon army to stop.”

I leaned into him, letting one hand drift across his chest, “At least we have a Naming to look forward to?”

He smiled down at me, but a shadow crossed his features, “I want to do that as soon as possible, but I don’t know when that will be.”

I frowned, profoundly disappointed. Selfishly, I had been hoping for a chance to get away from the Inquisition, and with my new title, I was more aware than ever that all of Thedas was counting on me. To be alone with Cullen, together as a Names pair, was what I craved above all else. We needed time to be a couple, to temper our bond and strengthen what he had so we could make it through this war. Time was precious, and I knew it would be hard to find a week or two to do that, but I wanted to so badly. Deep down, I had been hoping he would make it happen, despite everything.

We were standing so close and everything was so quiet in the mountains he must have felt my disappointment easily.

“Elena,” he said, voice low and serious, “Look at me.”

I cleared my expression and gazed up at him, struck again by how beautiful his honey colored eyes were.

“We will find time,” he assured me, “As soon as I can I am taking you away and we will have a proper Naming. I _swear_ it. There is nothing more I want on this earth than to be bound to you in the eyes of the Maker in from of our friends and family. I know you’ve never been to one before, but I promise that even you’ll know what a spectacular Naming it is, something you would be proud to invite your clan to. I want to introduce you to my family and I desperately want to meet yours. I assure you, _it_ _will happen._ ”

His words were a balm to my hurt, and I went up on my toes to brush a kiss over his lips, when a voice came from the door.

“Not to interrupt this touching scene,” Varric said, “But… Well. I have a guest, someone you should meet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND WE'RE IN SKYHOLD. IT ONLY TOOK 23 CHAPTERS. BUT WE DID IT. As always, thank you all so much for your kind words and kudos! I love hearing from you all. ^_^ Sorry that I had to split this one up, but the first half of it was longer than I expected. Next chapter, special guest who is totally not Hawke. Nope.


	25. A Hawke on the Wall

Varric led us out the side door and across the battlements, moving quickly and speaking just as rapidly.

“You _can’t_ tell Cassandra they’re here,” he instructed, “I spent weeks telling her I had no idea where she is, which was really only half true. I’m starting to make ground with her and it would ruin everything if she knew that I had half lied to her.”

He turned a corner and started to descend a set of stairs, his voice picking up volume, “Curly you don’t need an introduction, but I’ll warn you Blondie, she’s feisty but here to help. Make sure you give her a chance.”

They got to the bottom of the landing and a strong woman with dark hair stood looking down into the courtyard with a tall and dark skinned elf at her side. She was pointing at something and the man was chuckling in a low voice when Varric cleared his throat and the couple turned.

“Varric!” Hawke said loudly, smiling wide, “And the Inquisitor and her Commander, pleasure to meet you both. This is my main squeeze, Fenris.” She pulled the man at her side closer and winked.

Now that he was turned around, I could see that he was an elf like me, but he had no vallaslin that I could recognize. Every expanse of skin that I could see was covered in swirling white lines that eve across the landing felt strangely like lyrium.

The elf frowned, “She’s a mage.”

Hawke pat his arm, “Play nice, dear.”

He snarled, “Yes _darling._ ”

He looked fearsome, but Hawke giggled in the face of his ire, and deep in his eyes I could see a fondness flickering. So not actually angry, then.

Cullen inclined his head at my side, “Hawke, Fenris.”

“Templar,” Fenris said neutrally.

“Ex, actually,” Cullen corrected.

Hawke stepped away from Fenris’s side and gave Cullen a huge hug, “Curly! Good to see you.”

Cullen chuckled, “Good to see you too.”

The woman bounced back but kept her hands on Cullen’s shoulders, “You’ve certainly cleaned up. I might even go for you now.”

I stiffened at that, and I saw Fenris roll his eyes at her statement. She glanced over at me and seemed to become sheepish.

“Er, sorry,” she said, “Didn’t mean to put my hands all over the goods.”

I forced a smile, “It’s alright. Er, so not that we’re not pleased to have you here, but _why_ are you here?”

Varric sighed deeply, “Once you told me who the Elder One is… his description and so on. I realized that… Well. I know who he is. And Hawke and Fenris here have come across some interesting documents confirming my suspicions.”

I looked wide eyes at Hawke and her man, “You have? You know who the Elder One is?”

“Remember the Venatori? Lovely bunch of Teviners? Sent you back into the past?” Hawke asked me, her blue eyes glinting in the sunlight.

I nodded, smiling lightly at her understatement.

“Fenris and I ran across a batch of them while on the road. Nothing we couldn’t handle, of course, but they did have an interesting bit of paperwork on them.” She rustled around in her pockets before pulling out a rolled leather folio, “Varric tells me you already know that they want to kill Celine and to raise some kind of demon army, so I’ll move onto his identity. Unfortunately, he’s someone I’ve already killed once.”

Cullen jerked at my side and when he spoke his voice was harsh, “This isn’t the time for jokes, Hawke.”

She shook her head and Fenris scoffed, “She did exactly as said, Cullen.”

Varric sighed, “I swear it, she did. She killed him, I was there. I even checked. No heartbeat, no breathing, cold skin. He was _dead._ ”

“How can that be possible?” I asked, looking between the three, and then glancing at Cullen. “People can’t come back to life.”

“Fuck if I know,” Varric said frankly, “But some of the higher-ups were in the group that Fenris and Hawke here dispatched. They refer to him both as ‘The Elder One’ and Corypheus alternatively, although they stick to Elder One in more formal communications, it seems.”

Hawke crossed her arms and thought hard as she explained to me, what had happened. “We found him in an old Warden prison. Bloke had been there for ages, stewing and getting angry. Somehow, he got loose and we had to kill him, for obvious reasons. He was very much dead when we left him, I must have stabbed him myself 30 times, if not more, not to mention what Fenris, Varric, and Aveline did to him.”

I sighed and took the papers from Hawke, smiling with appreciation, “Thank you for bringing this to us. This all does make things… Interesting. He came back from the dead, claims to have walked in the fade, and being from Tevinter and all… He sounds like… I don’t know what humans call them, but isn’t there some story about magisters walking in the fade and starting the Blight?”

Varric snorted, “Only humans would do something so stupid.”

Hawke pushed at his shoulder, “You like us humans.”

I smiled at them and then looked again over at Cullen, who was deep in thought. One large hand rubbed at his neck absently as he stared at nothing, looking over Hawke’s shoulder and then into oblivion. It was obvious he was processing everything, looking for some solution.

The new information was good, at its core, we needed to know as much about our enemy as we could, but it seems that every time we learned more, he became more formidable, not less. Would we ever reach a point where we learned things that would help us? Was it possible that he was every bit as immortal as he seemed to be? Could you even kill someone who came back from the dead and then lived to be thousands of years old?

“Cullen?” I asked him tentatively, hoping beyond hope that he maybe had some answers.

“We need to figure out how he’s still alive,” he said, voice thoughtful and low, “As well as where his base of operations is, perhaps we can track his lyrium shipments. He has to have some kind of pipeline set up to get the blasted stuff to them.”

Varric nodded, “Hawke and I will see what we can suss out, maybe there’s something we missed or looked over when killing he bastard. I _believe_ she also has some other news, yeah?”

Hawke nodded and stepped closer to Fenris. The elf absently draped an arm around her shoulders as she spoke, one thumb moving over her skin, “I have a warden contact who reached out to me when the wardens started disappearing and acting real funny. They’ve been hiding in Crestwood and have some information for us there. Fenris and I will be leaving in a day or so to go meet them, perhaps you’d care to join us?”

Cullen sighed aside me, no doubt dreading the idea of me having to leave again so soon.

“Let me talk it over with my people, but I’m sure we can make it work,” I told them.

Varric nodded, “There’s our girl.”

I nodded back and turned to leave, Cullen and I making our way back to the tower and leaving Varric, Hawke, and Fenris to catch up.

Cullen was silent most of the way there, but he heaved a great sigh when the tower was just ahead of us and spoke softly, “You’ll be gone a lot soon.”

I put a hand on his arm, stopping our progress, “Cullen…”

“I knew it would happen,” he went on, pulling me to his chest, “I just don’t like it.”

“Do you think you’ll be ok? With the withdraws and all?” I asked, leaning into him.

He nodded, “Don’t worry about me. We have to concentrate on Corypheus, stopping what he has planned.”

“Whatever that may be,” I scoffed.

We stood there wrapped around one another on the battlements for some time more, and as they stood the air around them grew thick. Cullen’s hands moved across my back slowly, and so light that could barely feel it. My entire awareness seemed to focus down to his breathing and that constant caress. All at once, it wasn’t enough. It could have been either of us who initiated the shift, but in the space of a breath Cullen’s lips were on mine and I was on my toes, arms thrown around his neck.

His tongue pressed for entrance to my mouth and I gave it eagerly, sighing as he hauled me up. His hands came under my bottom and he whirled, setting me on one of the parapets so my face was even with his. I took a moment to make sure I wouldn’t fall, and then glanced around to make sure we were alone before I hooked two fingers into his chest piece and pulled him forward.

Cullen groaned into my mouth as I worked my hands under his armor to ghost under his shirt and up his sides. “Elena,” he panted, “We should maybe find a bedroom.”

I nodded and smiled, but made no move to leave. Instead, I snaked a hand into his waistband, running my fingers along its length and leaning forward to nip at his neck. One hand shot up to tangle in my hair and the other wrapped around my back, pulling me forward. He stepped between my open legs and pulled me to the very edge of the wall. I had just enough height that his hips were even with mine, and Cullen pressed this to his advantage pushing so his length ground against my sex.

I gasped as he groaned, clearly eager for any contact he could get. Between our illnesses and traveling, it had been some time since we had spent a moment alone, and I fully intended to make the most of it.

With nimble fingers I pulled at the bottom most buckles which kept his breastplate flush with his front, allowing me more space to push my hand down his trousers. It was a short journey before my fingers brushed the head of his length, forcing a hiss from Cullen even as he pressed closer to me. Cullen tore off a glove with his teeth and shoved it in his pocket. I paused in my movements, confused by this action until his right hand came to my own trousers and he returned the favor.

His hissing and groaning turned to moaning when he found me wet and waiting for him.

“Elena,” he managed to get out, voice strangled, “We shouldn’t be doing this here.”

I hummed in agreement and scratched the back of his neck with me freehand at the same time as I gave his length one long languid stroke. His hips bucked up to meet me and he swore under his breath.

His hand dipped just a little lower and his middle finger brushed along the length of my slit before settling over my clit. He began to run his fingers in an enormously gentle and slow circle, so I moved to match. Together, we touched one another slowly, my head buried in his neck and Cullen kissing whatever part of me he could reach.

His pleasure was so great I could feel it feeding back into me, creating a feedback loop of pleasure which fed into my own enjoyment. His touch was still gentle, but very quickly my smalls were soaked and I was rocketing towards my climax.

“Sweetheart,” Cullen panted, “I, Maker. Please tell me you’re—?”

I nodded frantically and bit down into his neck, my hand moving faster now over him, adding small twists as my thumb moved over his head. He rewarded me with a hitch of his breath, Cullen leaned back to look down at me, his finger pressing just a _little_ bit harder against me. He watched as I bit my lip and let my hips buck up into his hand. A moment later I was spilling over and Cullen was cursing, biting his already scarred lip and swearing rather to loud for a public space.

I could feel him floating in a haze the same way I was, and when he came out of it he was still breathing hard. Thankfully, we were still alone on the wall as I removed my hands from his soiled trousers and he took his hand from mine. He whipped out a handkerchief and cleaned us both off before pulling me close and sighing gain into my hair.

“Maker I’ll miss you,” he said.

“I’ll miss you too.”

“Be careful in Crestwood, please,” he begged me, eyes wide.

I smiled, “I’m always careful.”

Cullen looked mournful as he responded, his voice cracking just slightly, “I almost lost you once. Please… Never again.”

I leaned into him, serious now as I soothed him, “I will come back Cullen. I’ll always come back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're moving along again! Fighting and action coming soon! Next time we see Elena she'll be in Crestwood and still working on figuring out how exactly she has a name. Also how exactly an elf goes about having an Naming.


	26. Returning to the Walls

Crestwood was rainy, muddy, disgusting, and overall smelled of fish and stale water. It was miserable and the only bright light in the Blighted (literally) town was Cassandra and Varric’s burgeoning romance. Varric was still working hard at making the Seeker crack, but it was abundantly clear that he already was making significant in-roads.

Every wise crack he made, Cassandra would glance at him with agitation, but her cheeks would be pink. They had formally adopted the habit of sharing a tent whether they had to or not, but to Varric’s disgruntlement nothing unseemly happened within the tent.

I watched them bicker with amusement, mentally keeping tally of who was besting who. Varric normally won, but every once in a while, Cassandra would give in and respond like a usual maiden would, swooning over his name and his title. Varric never knew what to do when she acted as if she liked him.

We had made our way through the village to the sound of the pair, dispatching undead and meeting with Wardens on the hunt. It was slow going, but eventually we were able to follow what little directions Hawke had given us. _Go past the big fort, cut inland and turn left at the druffalo_.

After the druffalo and a small group of Templars, just north of a campsite we found a cave, Hawke, and a Hero of the Blight. He had blond hair and scruffy facial hair which framed a dashing smile. Varric was in a tizzy from the moment they were introduced, a quill working at taking notes as they discussed demons, magisters, and the Wardens.

Alistair. As in, _the_ Alistair. Even being Dalish I had heard of him and Cassandra was almost beside herself. Dorian pretended as if he didn’t care, but I knew he was too big of a history buff to be totally unaffected.

I was surprised to find he was as down to earth as he was. He took the rough living as well as any Dalish would. As in he didn’t comment on it at all, and went about with the business which needed doing.

He was sarcastic, but helpful. Confirming that the Wardens were under the Elder One’s control. Varric was none too pleased to hear tis, swearing about how he and Hawke should have burned the body as if Corypheus was a ‘ _Blighted Maker Dammed Vampire’_.

The Wardens were convening for some unknown purpose in the Western Approach, according to Alistair. They had seen upheaval in recent times, and when Alistair had spoken out against it, they set about hunting him down.

“So… What you’re saying,” Hawke intoned, her voice thoughtful, “Is that we have to go to this giant tower, in the middle of a desert, and stop this… Ritual thing from happening?”

Alistair sighed and then drawled, “Unfortunately. I wasn’t able to gather much more information before I had to leave.”

Dorian’s eyes had become hard at the mere mention of a secret ritual or blood magic, “Rituals never go well or anyone involved.”

I nodded with agreement, “What is this ritual even for?”

The Warden shrugged, “To open a portal for desire demons to flood the city? I haven’t the faintest, but I doubt it can be anything good. The leadership was quite twisted by the time I got around to leaving.”

Hawke scoffed, “You can say that again. From what you’ve told me they’ve gone mad.”

Alistair nodded, his light eyes scanning the room and then he jumped as if he remembered something. “Ah,” he stopped and put a finger to his chin, “Speaking of desire demons and twisted leadership, isn’t the young Cullen the Commander of the Inquisition? Is he here with you?”

Matching expressions of confusion donned the faces of my companions, and they all watched Alistair’s reaction when I asked, “What do desire demons and Cullen have to do with one another?”

His face dropped and he looked sheepish, “Ah. Did he not… er… Tell you?”

Cassandra crossed her arms, “Are you referring to—“

“Bah!” The Warden said, “Don’t spoil it. If they don’t know he can tell them himself. It’s not my story to tell.”

I looked between the two, “Don’t… What?”

Alistair responded, “Don’t know about, well, _certain events._ ”

I glanced at my companions and then back at Alistair, hoping one of them would have more of an inkling as to what he was talking about than I. Save for Cassandra, I carefully avoided meeting her gaze. It seemed impossible that she knew something about Cullen that I didn’t. It felt impossible, but what he was implying… It sounded important. Like something you should share with your Creators forsaken _Name._

Cassandra looked immensely guilty and for once Varric wasn’t looking at her like the sun shone out of her. Both he and Dorian were gazing at her with questions and mild suspicion.

The seeker took one look at Varric and was crestfallen, “I can explain.”

“How is it possible that you know something about the Commander that the Inquisitor here does not? The two of you must be close.” He remarked.

Alistair gazed at them all, guilt clearly written across his face, “I… Well. I am sorry I didn’t mean to cause trouble. I just assumed…”

Dorian shook his head, “I, for one, find it difficult to believe he didn’t tell Elena here this… Whatever it is.”

I smiled at him weakly, thankful that he had said it and not me.

“Why is it such a to-do?” Alistair asked.

Varric smiled thinly, “Elfy here is the Commander’s Name.”

Jumping visibly, Alistair sputtered, “But… B-b-b—! She’s an _elf!_ ”

Varric snorted with amusement, “Yes. As I mentioned.”

“She can’t have a _Name_!” Alistair insisted.

Done with his denials, I thought it would be quickest to simply show the man. I turned and pulled off my mage’s robes and then tugged the back of my tunic up, revealing the red writing spanning my back. The cold hair hit my skin immediately, and I wished I still had on the robes, but practice had taught me this was the quickest way to make believers out of disbelievers.

“Maker _take_ me,” Alistair whispered, “How can that be?”

I tugged down my shirt and began to dress again, avoiding his gaze. “Beats me.”

Cassandra spoke softly from my side, testing the waters as she defended me, “It is real, we’ve had it tested.”

Nodding mutely, Alistair pushed a hand through his spiked hair and looked around. “I am truly sorry, but even though you are his Name…”

I waved a hand at him, “Don’t worry about it. Let’s concentrate on the Wardens.”

Alistair took a deep breath and then dived further into his story. I paid attention unfalteringly, and studiously ignored my companions. I needed time to think, to process, before we went home and I had to face Cullen again.

After confirming with Hawke and Alistair that we would meet them in the Western Approach as soon as possible, we made our way back to Skyhold to resupply and regroup. We avoided any unnecessary fighting, since we planned to swing by again before heading to the desert. On the to-do list was a dragon, a fortress, and a lake full of undead.  

I should have been thinking about how I was going to stop this ritual and save all of Thedas, as well as my list but my thoughts were consumed with visions of Cullen and desire demons. I knew he had served in the Circle, but he was deliberately vague on the details. With what little time we had together, I thought maybe he was saving the stories of his past for a time when we could sit down and discuss them thoroughly. But with this new information coming to my attention, I was worried about what it all meant.

What was he hiding from me? Why was he hiding it? Why did Cassandra of all people know? Perhaps he just didn’t have the time to tell me, but that idea held little water. I had revealed to him painful pieces of my past, and we had spent hours together, getting to know one another and talking late into the night. Surely he wanted to reciprocate? To tell me what made him Cullen, his motivations and fears. He put so much stock into the premise of Names it only made sense that he should share and communicate. There was no excuse for her lack of knowledge. Especially if Cassandra already knew.

When our party finally rode through the gate and across the bridge, I was fuming.

How _dare_ he? Cullen knew exactly how nervous I was about having a Name, and the difficulty I had accepting that I had a Name. Years of hiding and pretending I never had one and running from those who would capture her and call it false made it difficult for me to adjust and accept him. And he couldn’t bother to tell her something _this_ important?

I caught sight of Cullen standing on the walkway outside of his office, looking down into the courtyard expectantly. When our eyes met he smiled, the small crinkles at his eyes made it difficult to stay mad at him, but all I had to do was recall Cassandra’s guilt and Alistair’s surprise before I was angry again.

He had had enough time to tell me… Whatever it was. The time was now.

  I rode straight to the stables and handed my Heart off to a stable boy before bowling past my companions and heading for the stairs. Cullen was watching me, still smiling, and I was determined to let him have it.

“Elena,” Cassandra pleaded as I walked past, “Wait, please. Let me explain.”

“ _Cullen_ can do the explaining,” I told her.

She reached for my arm, “Inquis—“

“Cassandra,” Varric intercepted her, “Let her go. She and Curly will sort it out.”

I only caught a brief flash of the pain on Cass’s face before I was out the door and up the stairs.

I took them two at a time, and Cullen clearly took my haste as excitement.

“Elena!” He called, walking towards me.

Thankfully we had arrived late at night so there were no witnesses when I stopped short and snarled at him.

“Cullen,” I bit out, “How is it you know Alistair?”

He stopped halfway towards me, brow pulled together and expression guarded, “What?”

“ _Alistair_?” I prompted.

“I… Was he your Warden contact?”

Crossing my arms, I settled in to wait.

“Maker,” he swore, “I haven’t seen him…” Cullen let his statement trail off and looked over my shoulder, staring into the distance. A shadow passed over his face but nothing passed his lips.

A wind kicked up around us, swirling errant strands of hair around my nose and eyes, but I paid no attention to it. Winter was coming to Skyhold, bringing with it even chillier temperatures and harsher winds. Furs and rugs were being added to every bare surface, it’s residents are adding on layers to their already warm clothing, but none of the cold touched me.

I was fury personified, betrayal and curiosity and utter despair warring in my mind. Emotion accelerated my heartbeat and kept everything buzzing. I knew it was my magic making the buzzing, charging the air. But Cullen remained distant, clearly struggling with something.

“Cullen,” I said again, voice growing darker.

He snapped out of his reprieve, and looked at me with guilt, “I’m… Sorry. Er.. I suppose I should explain.”

“That would be nice,” I told him with no lack of salt.

Wincing, he rubbed at his Name and glanced back to me finally, “Alistair and the Hero of Ferelden and I crossed paths nearly a decade ago.”

I felt my eyes go wide, “Hero of Ferelden?”

Cullen pressed a thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose, “Yes. And Alistair, and Leliana and Zevran.”

Despite me want to stay angry, some of my curiosity got through, “All those people? How?”

“Can we…” Cullen groaned softly, “I’m sorry, can we do this in my office? Or in our room?”

My guard went up again, “You should be able to tell me this here, Cullen.”

He flinched, “Yes. Of course.” Taking a deep breath, Cullen prepared himself for the coming story. “I was in the Ferelden Circle, at Kinloch Hold. You… I don’t know how much you know about the Blight. But that Circle was… Well. It fell. To demons. There were a number of them but primarily there were desire demons. I was… held captive for some time. I tried to protect those who weren’t possessed, but I failed and became captured myself.” He stopped and took a shuttering breath, seemingly unable to continue. He looked again over my shoulder, and tried to breathe.

This, more than anything made me feel again. I could feel echoes of remembered pain from him, bouncing around and trapping his mind, alongside the beginnings of a headache. Unsticking from my spot, I walked towards him and slid my hands over his chest.

I recalled my behavior and cringed. He was happy to see me, and I had spat in his face. Keeping things from me was unforgivable, but I could have done better, been gentler. My anger had stewed on my ride home to the point I wasn’t able to see reason.

“How are you?” I asked him, changing the subject. I let my fingers trail over the stubble on his cheek, and then down his neck and to his shoulders.

Cullen leaned towards me, but his eyes were still unfocused when they latched onto mine, “I’m… Well I _was_ fine before you got back. It’s all hit me at once.”

I fluttered my hands around his face before trailing thumbs over his cheekbones. “I-I, well. I am sorry, I just… Alistair _hinted_ but… If it’s too painful.” I huffed a deep breath, “I was so angry that you hadn’t told me I forgot to think about how you felt. You can always tell me tomorrow.”

Cullen nodded and let out a breath, “I promise to tell you about it all as soon as this passes.”

I acquiesced, recognizing that his health had to take precedence, “In the morning.”

His arms came up and draped around my shoulders, warmth surrounding me and shielding me from the suddenly very frigid cold. The fire and anger had left me so I was now vulnerable and the hurt made me frigid.

I shivered in his arms and Cullen dropped his head to my shoulder, “I’m sorry, my dear.”

Blonde hair shook along with my head, “I should apologize. I should not have snapped at you.”

The arms convulsed around me as Cullen whispered, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. Let’s get you to bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such issues with this one, but I sorted them out by sitting down and sketching out the entire rest of the novel. Some twists and turns coming your way dearies! As always, thank you so much for your comments and Kudos. I cherish them all!


	27. The Women on the Landing

Cassandra bustled in the next morning stammering quietly and blushing. I watched her approach me over a cup of morning tea as Cullen slept off his withdrawal headache across the room. I did not sleep as he did, my mind too full of what I wanted to say to him and how to go about saying it. Most of my night was spent staring into the fire and weighing what I had revealed about myself to my Name against what he had revealed to me.

Thinking back, Cullen had never revealed much to me voluntarily, nothing of great importance anyway. He would share the basics, how much he loves his family, what he wanted in the future, but never anything regarding his past or his struggles. What made Cullen, well, Cullen.

It did strike me that we hadn’t been together long enough for him to be comfortable doing so, but were it up to Cullen alone we would already be wed and bounded before gods and man. I had only gotten as far as deciding what I wanted to yell at him first for before Cass came up the stairs and cleared her throat.

“Can I… Speak to you for a moment?” Cassandra asked me quietly, eyes flickering between Cullen’s sleeping form and myself. Her posture was not the one she normally held, clearly nervous and uncertain.

I sighed and set down my tea and stood to rise, “Not here, in the hall.” I had to be gentle and make sure she knew I didn’t blame her.

She glanced again at Cullen and relented, heading towards the stairs before me.

We descended the stairs in silence, and once the door closed behind us, rendering us alone, Cassandra kept her silence. I watched as she clearly struggled internally, looking at me, then the wall, and then finally crossing and uncrossing her arms until she practically burst out, “I knew.”

I nodded and eyed her closely.

“I didn’t know you did not. I had assumed…” She trailed off her eyes sliding off of me.

“You assumed he had told me,” I finished for her.

Cass nodded mutely.

She felt guilty, that much was clear. And while it was difficult to accept, to not project my anger onto her, I knew Cullen was the one at fault here. His secrets were not hers to share, and we both had assumed he would tell me what was important. It was impossible to fault her for having the same assumption as me.

“Look,” I sighed, letting my arms fall limp at my sides and my head to drop to one shoulder, “We both assumed the same thing. I’m sorry if… Well. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable _. Ir abelas_. This is something Cullen and I have to work out ourselves, don’t allow it to trouble you.”

Cassandra looked clearly relieved at me words. Such was her relief that she stepped into me and wrapped her arms around me in a brief hug.

Before I could reciprocate, she stepped back and said softly, “You will work it out, Elena. I know you will.”

I smiled at her, grateful for her confidence. Sometimes it was hard to see myself how Cullen and I could work, but if someone like Cassandra thought we had it in us, then I knew we could do it. Cassandra was not a stupid woman, she would know when something wasn’t working.

Cassandra nodded, “There are… Other things you should know.” She waved her hands quickly when I tensed, “Not about Cullen!” She shook her head for good affect, “But Josephine only told me last night while you were asleep, and the news is a little difficult.” I did not correct her misconception about my state of rest, and with her next words I could hardly speak at all. “There are men here, a lot of them.” She blushed and looked anywhere but in my eyes, “At least fifteen of them are claiming to be your Name, and another ten, Leliana has determined, are here to try and _seduce_ you… in spite of your name.” The Seeker almost spit the last part she was so clearly disgusted with the men.

My jaw dropped open, and I could feel it working furiously to produce sound, but in the end all that came out was a vague squeak and some whines. I knew there would be disbelievers, but people looking to… Steal me away? To do to me what Janine had done to Cullen? To put us through more pain and suffering, force us to make our relationship more public? Could we keep nothing for ourselves?

“Inquisitor?” Cassandra’s brows drew together and she stepped closer, “Are you quite alright?”

A light accented voice came from behind her, “Of course she’s not, now she has twenty five idiotic boys to dispatch in addition to saving the world.”

Leliana came to stand aside Cassandra and continued, “Josephine and I have a plan, but I don’t know how you are going to feel about it.”

I waited for her to continue, still unable to react to the new information. Men. _Twenty five of them._ Here to _seduce_ me!

“We’re going to host a Name Presentation. It’s not commonly done anymore, but back in the time of Arlathan, anyone who was anyone held a Presentation. All the nobles would host a grand party when they found their name, wearing clothing specifically made to show off their names, and spending as much money as humanly possible on the affair. Everyone was invited, so there would be no doubt as to the veracity of their pairing. It was also a status symbol, truly, but when important families found two of their members Named they immediately formed an alliance and also used the party to broadcast their new association. Entire family feuds could end on a Naming. Or a Named pair might find themselves… dispatched if the blood between them was bad. Either way, with this Presentation, we can not only broadcast the wealth of the Inquisition but also let all of Thedas know that our leaders are strong and that we will not be easily brought down. ” Leliana explained, her eyes shining with excitement.

“So,” I started slowly, still thinking on it, “We can destroy the rumors in one night?”

She nodded, “The rumors close to home, at least. But word will spread, and soon they will be mostly eradicated. There will always be naysayers, but after this they will lose much of their power. The larger problem here is those who think they can lead you astray.”

Cassandra scoffed, “Surely they will just die off with time?”

Leliana shook her head, “Not necessarily. Some of them are quite desperate, needing money or power to save their families or to feed their own ambitions.” She sighed deeply and looked into the middle distance, “A number of them are quite crafty, in addition to handsome. We will have to be weary for as long as they are within our walls.”

“Can we not send them away?” I asked.

Leliana shook her head, sending her red hair swinging, “Josephine is firmly against such a move, nor will she let me... dispatch them. Apparently they all come from families who would go to the Black City to avenge their sons and brothers. Unless they do something so egregious as to be asked to leave, we must entertain them. But I must warn you,” her eyes cut straight to me and pinned me to the spot, “You must never be alone with one of them. They would claim you were unfaithful and sullied the sanctity of your Name.”  

I let one of my shoulders fall until it met the stone wall and quickly determined I would have to be very careful in the future. Men with motivation could be ruthless, and even a rumor that I had betrayed my Name would besmirch the Inquisition’s reputation.

“Cullen and I could always be…” I sighed and looked for the right word.

“Forthright?” Cassandra suggested.

“ _Obvious_?” Leliana put forth.

“Open,” I settled on, “Very open.”

Cassandra shook her head, “I do not like it, but perhaps it will drive them off if they do not think they can succeed.”

Leliana, “We can always hope. And I am sure Josephine will be thrilled with the rumors your affection will create. The people will find it good if you are close to your name, even the naysayers.”

I nodded and then blinked, my lids drooping as the night finally caught up with me. Leliana missed nothing and Cassandra frowned.

“Did you not sleep?” The Seeker asked.

I shook my head, “I was… Thinking. About what to say to Cullen.”

Leliana nodded with sympathy, “Cassandra… Filled Josephine and I in.”

“Of course,” I relented, not offended in the least. It was better that they know. Explain any odd behavior they may see in the next few days. “I just… I was blindsided. And I don’t like that feeling.”

The spymaster smiled, eyes full of knowing, “You’ll work it out.”

“You believe so strongly in names?” I asked her.

Leliana nodded, “I believe in all things the Maker does, but most especially in those. I…” she looked as sheepish as I had ever seen her, “I have my own Name, and I would have been lost without them.”

I started at her wide eyed, caught up in her statement, but it was hard to miss Cassandra’s wince at the news. Another friend, another Named, Cassandra still alone.

“I…” I stammered, “Who?”

Leliana waved her hand, “The who is not important. They have gone to the Maker, but the time I had with them is precious to me, if it was troubled.” She laughed, “Our time was brief but sweet, and I have faith your time with Cullen will be just as sweet.”

Cassandra turned pink at her cheeks at Leliana’s words, and then turned on her heels and left the hallway. Just before the door closed behind her, the tail end of a broken breath made it’s way to us.

Leliana sighed, “I will go to her.”

I nodded and watched as she went after the Seeker.

I knew it deep to my bones that she would find happiness, and I held a deep suspicion that her happiness would be with Varric. If only she could accept not having a Name, and that she could be happy without one.

I turned to go back up the stairs and sighed. The next few days would be daunting, and I had no doubt Josephine already had Cullen and mine’s Presentation planned, but it was never as easy as throwing a party.

With that firmly in my mind, I went to wake Cullen and break the news to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... Who's excited for Trespasser and after I've played it would everyone be ok if I incorporated it into the story? I am so excited to have some new material, I promise to put spoiler alerts!! Thank you all as always for the comments and kudos!


	28. Answers Found

The need to wake Cullen was moot, the sun had risen enough to wake him already. He was sitting straight up in the bed and running his hands through his hair, eyes screwed shut and yawning loudly.

“Cullen,” I called softly, cautious after his earlier headaches.

His eyes popped open and focused in on me, golden colors sweeping over me and assessing. “Elena…” He said cautiously.

Moving to the side of the bed, I attempted to keep my posture nonthreatening and open. “We should… Talk.”

At my words he immediately sat up straighter and folded his hands in his lap. He took a moment to settle in there, but when he was done he focused again on me and waited for me to speak.

“I…” I sighed, turning over the information I had to give him, as well as my emotions over in my mind. There was so much and I was at a loss for what to say. “I am not even sure where to begin. I suppose…” I thought over the last few days, and one thing jumped to my mind, “I missed you terribly. And I am really _really_ tired _vhenan,_ but I am also angry that you kept secrets from me.” I took a breath, and Cullen looked for a moment like he was going to speak, but I did not allow him the chance.

I barreled on, “I just wish I had found out from you, not Cassandra. It sounds painful and terrible and I want to be able to comfort you and help you but I don’t know how because I have no idea what happened.”

Cullen’s eyes widened and he looked sheepish. “I… I don’t know how to talk about it.”

I was unsure how to respond, so I nodded and waited to see if he would continue.

“I served in the Ferelden Circle, during the Fifth Blight. I was tortured and it was…” He huffed a sigh and then suddenly slumped, his voice thick and agonized as he wailed, “I don’t know how to be the same person after that!”

My heart broken into a million painfully sharp pieces. I was an _ass._ The worst shit eating nug sucking arse-hole who ever was. _Of course_ it was painful. He could have told me of course but I didn’t have to confront him.

I made a mess of what we had and I had to fix it.

I went to the bed and sat down beside him, my hands fluttering over his and futilely searching for some way to fix things. One of his large hands reached out to grab mine and he pulled me into him. His legs tangled with mine and he fell sideways so I was cradled against him. He wiggled there a moment until the sheets had settled underneath him and all was as he wanted. Cheek to chest, one arm slung over his abs, the tension started to melt away.

He didn’t say anything more, just held me and breathed deeply.

“I should have told you,” he said after some time, “I know that. You’re my name and I love you so much, sweetheart. “

I sighed, “I love you too. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I am sure you would have told me in your own time.”

Cullen’s arms held me tighter, “I appreciate your faith in me.”

I lifted my head, “You _are_ a good man Cullen, you would have told me.”

He just sighed and turned his face so his nose brushed mine slowly.

My lips twitched into a smile, “Still unwilling to believe me?”

“Let a man have his moments,” Cullen chuckled.

“If you insist,” I relented. The next moment was pure bliss, contentment and safety wrapped together in Cullen’s arms and his earthy scent.

The moment after that was less perfect. I remembered that I had to tell Cullen about the Presentation. It was a silly and useless thing, ancient an outdated and frankly, when I thought about it, insulting. Who was the public to say that my Name wasn’t mine? Cullen was mine and I was his. It was foretold.

“Cullen,” I started up again.

“Hmm?” His nose glided along mine.

“Josephine… Well. While I was gone…”

Cullen smiled, “A lot of things happened while you were gone, sweetheart.”

“There are men,” I rushed out, before I could lose the nerve, “Men who came here to dispute our Names. I don’t know where they got the idea, but they think they can _claim_ me by disproving them. They are after political ties to the Inquisition or some other such nonsense. Then there is a whole other group of them who think they can lure me away from you and somehow control the Inquisition as my lover.”

Cullen sat up on one elbow and looked down at me, his eyes glittering with anger, “They what?” His voice was soft and dangerous.

“Josephine has a plan!” I quickly let him know, “She wants us to have a Presentation so that way the doubters can’t doubt anymore and the one who think they can lure me away...” I sighed, “We are supposed to show them that’s impossible I think.”  

He looked at me in disbelief, “A Presentation? What in all of Thedas is that?”

“A party, naturally.” I laughed, “A giant spectacle where we wear clothes made specifically to show off our Names and we dance the night away with 300 of our closest friends and rivals.”

Noises of aggravation were all Cullen had as a response. His chest rumbled with discontent and his arms went reflexly to my back where my Name sat. Then he bent his neck to his face was buried into the crook of my shoulder

“I don’t like that we have to do this,” he sighed there, breath warm on my skin, “Can’t they just leave us alone?”

“Apparently not,” I deadpanned.

Cullen growled, “Fuck them.”

I snorted, “All of them? That is a lot of people to have intercourse with.”

An unwilling snort hit my ears followed by an undignified huff. “Now is not the time for jokes.”

“Sorry,” I frowned, “Just… Trying to lift the mood a little. Having a party with a bunch of stuffy nobles is not my idea of fun either. The dress I can deal with, but having to basically _perform_ in front of all of those people—“

Cullen put a hand over my mouth, “Let’s not think of it now. You just got back last night and I feel like since you got here it’s been one thing after another.” He moved his hand so it drifted across one cheekbone, “We should enjoy our morning together.”

I meant to smile at him, but with my emotions settling and Cullen having us arranged just so on the bed, my lack of sleep quickly caught up with me. So I yawned instead.

He chuckled and then settled back further into the bed, pulling me with him and then drawing the blankets up so we both were warm and covered. “There’s time until we have to be up and about,” he said, “Sleep, Elena.”

I nodded, and before we could exchange any more words, I was asleep.

****

When I work again, light was streaming in through the windows more fully, the day in full swing around me. Cullen, however, had not joined the rest of the commotion in the keep. He was still there under my cheek, firm and solid and keeping the bed much warmer than I could on my own.

“Elena?” Cullen asked softly.

I grunted and then groaned.

His chest moved with silent laughter, “It is time to awaken, I am afraid.”

I rolled so my back was pressed into his side, and then pulled the covers up to create blissful darkness around me. He didn’t let me have the darkness for long.

“If you sleep any longer,” he murmured, “You’ll practically be nocturnal.”

“The People have very good night vision,” I informed him.

Cullen just chuckled and maneuvered me so I was on my back. “Did you sleep well?” He asked, eyes roving over me.

I nodded and smiled. In truth, I felt much better than I had that morning. Worries and regrets and anger had all melted away so I was well rested and ready to face Josephine and her ridiculous Presentation plan.

Gliding over my nightgown and then down and under so his hand was resting on my thigh, Cullen’s hand moved with purpose. The tingles the movement sent all over my skin pushed any other thoughts out of my head and suddenly all I was aware of was how long Cullen and I had been _apart_.

I watched as his eyes followed the trail of his hand further upward, taking the hem of my nightgown along with it. I squirmed when his fingers just brushed the edge of my panties, and that was all the permission he needed.

His hand moved inward then and his neck craned so he could plant a firm kiss on my neck. One finger trailed over my core lightly, just enough to make my hips jerk, and then all at once his hand was in my panties and then moving over my clit, rubbing in slow circles.

“Cullen,” I sighed, clutching as hit wrist and arching my back. I needed more contact _immediately._

He smiled slowly and I felt another digit brush just barely against my opening. I knew he could feel how wet I was already, and my frustrations only increased when he did nothing with the information. One finger kept circling and that was it.

I pushed my hips up in an effort to increase the pressure, “Cullen!”

His smile grew and then before I could take another breath he was over me, one hand at the ties on his pants and the other keeping him afloat above me. I did my part by removing my panties.

Once I had whipped them off Cullen moved to position himself and then slowly he entered me. It took only one stroke before he was completely rooted within me. He stayed there for a moment, breathing heavily and eyes screwed shut before he opened his eyes and looked right at me.

The breath caught in my throat as he pulled out slowly and then moved back into me. There were times in our relationship when I had felt like I couldn’t do what was needed of me, or that it was all too much. But whenever we were together like this, it was perfect. Blissful, almost divine. I could see why humans thought Names were the will of the Maker. Creators, if they all felt like this it was no wonder that they put so much stock in the idea.

Sure, some of the ideas associated with it I found to be ridiculous, but it was hard to disbelieve when I was living proof that it worked, that Names were as real as they claimed. From that moment on, I resolved as the only Elf with a name, to cherish my bond and to make sure it was as strong as it could be. Cullen and I both would need the support with the coming trials. 

His eyes remained locked on mine, dark with lust and love as he moved, guiding us both slowly towards our peaks. Cullen remained silent as he did so, and I was acutely aware that for him, this was a healing of sorts. I now knew everything about him, we had resolved our issues, and we were still here, together.

Nothing else mattered.

I finished moments before he did. When he followed, a small tear dropped down onto my shoulder. I didn’t mention it.

“I love you,” he said hoarsely.

“I love you too,” I told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah! So I finished Trespasser and I am so excited to work things from both that and Descent into the fic. >


	29. Drinks on the Loft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM A TRASH CAN. I am so sorry for leaving you all for so long, I greatly enjoy this story and I still intend to finish it. In the last year, I moved, got married, started and actual novel, etc. You know, life. So I am picking this back up again now that things have settled and am taking a break from my novel (lots of writers block over there) and I hope to reestablish my standard weekly update schedule. I also got a new ergonomic keyboard and I have been dying to take it for a spin!! 
> 
> Thank you all for you continued kudos and support, it means the world to me!! Please forgive me for my delays!!

Josephine began immediately with the preparations for the naming. The castle was bustling with activity by the time Cullen and I pulled ourselves together and made our way to the War Room. We hadn’t even made it all the way there before Josephine stopped us at her desk.

“Inquisitor!” She called beaming. She was surrounded by people with hands full of fabrics, china, silver wear, and even a man carrying arms full of long delicate feathers.

Culled sighed deeply, and I had to do my best to contain my own sigh. And so the show began.

She bustled over to us, the mobs of people following after her.

“I need your opinion,” she claimed, gesturing forward the poor man with the feathers.

Several fell from his arms in his haste to obey, “My lady!”

Josephine smiled at the man, “This is Francois, he dyes the most beautiful feathers. For your presentation, should we use red feathers, or gold ones? Or both!”

I glanced at Cullen, but he was of no help. He was far too busy looking as disinterested as possible in order to get out of having to do anything party related.

I frowned at him, but he continued to ignore me.

I elbowed him.

He let out a low _oof_ but did not turn.

Josephine looked between us, waiting.

“Both,” I said, “We may as well.”

She beamed, “Excellent. Since both of your names will be on display we—“

Cullen interrupted her, “What?”

“What… What?” Josie asked.

“What do you mean names on display? Cullen asked.

“Oh!” Josie said, “I should fully explain the plan.”

Cullen glowered at her and nodded.

“The point of a Presentation is to make sure that everyone can verify that you do indeed have names, and that they are real. The primary vehicle of this is the clothing you will wear. We will fit you for it, later today, but the idea is that the clothing will show off your name so everyone can see it.”

I felt a hand curl around my back, over my name. Cullen was likely imagine what that would mean for me.

Josie sighed, “It will indeed mean a rather… revealing ensemble for the Inquisitor, but I have no doubts that she will carry it off well.”

Cullen sighed, but he did not protest. I assumed that meant he was willing to go along with the plan.

I looked at her, “What else?”

“Well…” She waved the people around her away and stepped closer, “We are going to have this soon. We can’t wait too long for any nobility to travel all the way here, so we will need to rely upon who is close and who is already here.” She glanced down at her board, “Namely, a number of Ferelden nobles who are already here to garner favor, and some Orlesian lords and ladies who have come to pry and to gossip. Leliana also tells me there are a number of loose lipped spies around as well, who she assures me will get the word out faster than anyone else.”

She tapped the board and then looked back up, “I also assume the suitors we dispatch will also loudly proclaim their woe, some of them at least. Between them all, I think we will have enough. We have already sent out invites, as far as Val Royeaux. We will host the party one week from today. Should give everyone enough time. Barely.”

Culled sighed next to me, “How long will it be? Are there… festivities or anything else to attend?”

Josie shook her head, “We do not have the time to do a whole tournament and games as they would have done back then.”

Cullen looked relived. After the previous night it was a good look for him. He had suffered while I was away, and I had not treated him as I should have when I returned. But I did notice that as the morning went on, he seemed to be getting better. Color had returned to his face, and when I tried to feel for any pain coming from him, I found nothing.

Josie laughed, “This will be quick and dirty. This serves a purpose, nothing more, nothing less. When we do your naming… That will be different.” She winked. Then she got serious, looking us both over before speaking carefully to me, “In the meantime, do not trust anyone, be alone with no one but Cullen or a trusted member of the Inquisition, and remember: No one is your friend.”

I was not comforted by that idea, but now was not the time to discuss it. Right now, I needed to work, and to dodge suitors. Culled did not look at ease, but her words seemed to make him bigger. I could feel his outrage at the idea of someone challenging our named status, and it comforted me to know he would do what it took to protect me.

We had been through a lot together, but I knew he would always have my back, and I would always have his. We had to in order to survive.

The warning to _never_ be alone with anyone was clear in my mind, so I did not encounter any unwanted suitors until I was in the Great Hall. I had just passed judgement on a small civil matter, and Cullen had not yet come back to my side when a man sidled up to me.

Immediately I registered that he smelled of cologne, and had a dark glint in his eye,

I glanced at him, and then over his shoulder, looking for _anyone_ I knew.

“Inquisitor,” he greeted.

I nodded at him, tightly smiling.

“I,” he flourished one hand and then bowed deeply, his nose nearly scraping the floor, “Am Sir Remington Randolph Renaldo IIII.”

I could feel the disbelief on my face. This man could not be serious.

I tried to recover, “Good Afternoon Sir Renaldo.”

I knew the instant Cullen spotted us, because my name flared almost painfully and my magic responded to Cullen’s anger.

Remington straightened out of his bow, and I spotted Cullen over his shoulder, on the other side of the hall, trying to make his way to me. Unfortunately, people seemed to want his input on a great many of things and kept stopping him, giving Remington the opening he had to have been looking for.

“My Lady,” he said grandly, “You are simply more beautiful than anything I have seen before, positively ravishing. They should be depicting you in stained glass and gold, not on mere canvas with paints.”

I paused, unsure how I should react. I opted for detached politeness, “Thank you, Sir Renaldo.”

He stepped closer, his cologne almost choking me, “Surely, such a beautiful self as yourself cannot be Named, the world would weep.” He smiled charmingly, overly styled black hair gleaming in the sunlight from the window behind me.

“I assure you,” I said, voice firm and unyielding, “I am indeed Named.”

His grin turned shark, “But My Lady, where is this Name of yours?” Renaldo was handsome at first glance, high cheekbones, dark hair, and pale skin. But when he smiled like that, he looked like a demon.

I glanced at Cullen behind him, and noted with relief that he had nearly made his way to me. “He is close,” I responded.

Renaldo stepped closer and my relief faded, his hand reached out towards me, intending to stroke my arm. “Not close enough,” he said in a quiet and empty voice.

I went to retreat, but before I could he leaned in and grabbed me, moving faster than I could react, making my magic flare. I was sure Cullen would feel it even if he was in Tevinter.

 Then he spoke in a sickly sweet low voice, edged with anger and ambition, “Were I your _lover_ I would not leave you alone for a moment. Your sweet cu—“

The man’s arm was torn away from me, and then Cullen was in my space, filling up the room even, with a combination of his anger and my agitated magic.

“You will not touch her,” he growled, grip tight on the man’s arm, shoving him away from me.

Renaldo must have been among those who did not believe me to be named at all, such was the surprise on his face. The man was white as a sheet and was heading quickly to green as Cullen loomed over him. My Commander was nearly twice as broad as the nobleman, and at least three inches taller.

Cullen glanced around us, registering the surprised faces of nobles from around Thedas.

He shoved the man back and released him, his arm moving around my back and pulling me close to his side. Assuming this was Cullen’s version of a Public Display of Affection, I leaned into him and tried to look as ‘In Love’ as possible. It was never too early to start creating an image. I was so relieved he had rescued me, it wasn’t hard in the slightest to make sure everyone in the room knew.

Cullen and I really were in love, but for the sake of the Inquisition and the integrity of my Name, we had to appear to be the most in love couple who had ever been in love ever.

I glanced up at him, “Thank you, darling.”

Cullen smiled down at me, before he turned to look back at Renaldo. “Leave.”

The man flushed and tried to recover, obviously dedicated to his cause, “Please, kind Ser, I had no idea.”

Cullen let me go and stepped forward, “Leave.”

The man’s mouth snapped shut, and the turned to scurry away. Sharp golden eyes followed his movements all the way out of the keep.

Cullen turned to face me, and the hall faded away around us, “Are you ok?”

I smiled, “Just fine, he was mostly harmless.”

From my left, I caught a glimpse of Josephine approaching, looking worried.

“My Lady I—“

I held up a hand, “I am fine Josie. Was he anyone important?”

She shook her head, “He was a nobody. Probably sent to test the waters.” Her face shifted, and her quill tapped on her clipboard, “I did not think any of them would be so bold as to approach you in the hall. We will need to increase your security.”

I nodded, “Thank you.”

Josephine smiled brightly, “No one plays the Game better than me, My Lady. We will prevail.”

She bustled away in a swoosh of gold fabric, leaving Cullen and I behind.

He glanced about and then at me, his hands clasped behind his back now, at attention, “Care for a drink?”

A wide smile nearly cracked my face, “I would _love_ one.”

Cullen took my hand and wound it around his arm, “Then a drink we shall have.”

He began to guide us out the Hall and towards the Herald’s Rest, people on either side of us parting as we went. Varric must have heard us talking, or read our lips, and as we passed the huge fireplace, he sidled up to me. “Drinking?”

I nodded, “Drinking.”

The dwarf smiled, “I will assemble the troops.”

Half an hour later, the Herald’s Rest was heaving with people. Soldiers, Chargers, and members of my inner circle all mingled. The air was heavy with the smell of ale and smoke, and many people were already tipsy, laughing loudly and leaning into one another. It was _perfect._ Already on the first day of this ordeal I had men harassing me, and nothing could make that perfect, but drinking helped. So did Cullen’s warm body next to mine and his absolutely terrible jokes.

I leaned into Cullen, swigging my third tankard of ale. It was barely six bells into the evening, but I was primed for relaxing. I needed to unwind. I needed to let go of the negativity which seemed to be still rattling around in my brain. My doubts, my longing for my clan, and my anxiety over the Presentation seemed to lessen with each drink which passed, each moment which went by. Forcing myself to think positive, I could and I would prevail, I would make the best leader I could. The Inquisition would win it’s fight.

Cullen was carefully watching me in-between his jokes, but I didn’t care. I would pour my worries out to him in private, for now, I was determined to drink, and to have fun.

To that end, there was nothing better than being buzzed and watching Varric and Cassandra dance around one another, or even better, Dorian and The Iron Bull. Love seemed to be in the air, or something like it. Varric seemed to be resisting as Cassandra tried to speak to him, how the tables had turned there. Dorian and The Iron Bull… I was not sure, but there seemed to be a spark there; a gleam of something which was growing between them, the Mage and the Qunari. A _Tevinter_ mage and a Qunari.

I hiccupped and smiled, causing Cullen to look down at me curiously.

I beamed up at him, “Love seems to be in the air!”

Culled had had much less to drink than I, so his response was less loud, “Indeed?”

I nodded, leaning further into his body, shoulders bumping against his breastplate. “Yes!”

He raised a brow, “We need to cut you off, sweetheart.”

Jerking back, I put my hands around my tankard, frowning at him, “You will not cut me off!”

Cullen flinched, and from the corner, Bull’s face turned towards us.

“Let her drink, Commander!” Bull practically boomed.

Dorian and Varric chimed in with a less booming, “Hear, hear!”

Looking over my shoulder, Cullen made a rude gesture at Bull before looking back at me, “You need your rest, you didn’t sleep last night.” His voice was getting a little desperate.

“Nonsense!” I shouted, my tankard swinging back up to my mouth. “There is nothing better for rest than getting drunk and passing out!”

There was some mumbling beginning, but I was paying it no mind. The last time I had gone past three tankards had been back in my Keeper’s aravel, shortly after the Templars had again come. They were always after the heathen elf with the Name. I shuddered. The memories were always horrible when I thought about them. Templars had never been kind to me, not until Cullen.

Consciously running my fingers over the wood of the tankard, I sat quiet, taking in the general din around me. Drinking and emotional turmoil just went together perfectly sometimes. When you wanted to just purge the emotions and move on, drinking was the thing.

Drinking…

I took another swig from my tankard, and watched out of the corner of my eye as Cullen leaned in close.

“Elena,” he said, “Sweetheart. You need to be quiet. People expect the Herald to be well composed… Not drunk in a tavern.”

I frowned into my drink and whispered, “Well fuck them.”

Cullen sighed.

“I will drink if I want.”

He nodded.

 I frowned, “I just want to drink. Be in love.”

“Sweetheart,” I could hear his voice breaking a little, “Let’s go back to our room.”

I glanced at him, then back to my ale, “I can’t drink there.”

He glanced behind him, and then thought for a moment.

Abruptly, he left my side, making my lurch a little as I had to take my own weight again.

Swinging my head to follow him, I watched as he went first to Bull and Dorian, then Varric and Cassandra, then Sera, Solas, Blackwall, Vivienne, Scout Harding, and even Cole.

Then he came back to me and said, “Come, we are going to your room.”

I frowned, “What?”

“Chop chop Elena, we must be off.” Cullen gathered up my tankard and swung me up and into his arms.

Reacting, I placed my hands quickly around his neck and held on for dear life. The drinks seemed to really hit me then, making the room sway a little as he carried me out of the tavern and towards the keep.

“What are you doing?” I asked, frowning up at him.

“We are moving the party to our room.”

“I don’t…” I shook my head. “What?”

He looked down at me, taking the stairs two at a time up to the keep. “You can’t drink in public.”

I nodded.

“But you want to drink?”

I nodded again.

“Then we do so in your rooms, with our friends.”

Suddenly understanding, I smiled wide. “That is _perfect!_ ”

Cullen seemed very pleased with himself.

We all descended on my rooms in a hurry, everyone making their way up the ladder and into the loft, Bull carrying a keg and Dorian a handful of tankards. They set up in the corner as Cassandra and Sera arranged chairs the best they could. It was a tight squeeze, but it was also just enough for us to move around and to carry on with our drinking.

My rooms were still largely un-appointed, but that night, it was filled with warmth and laughter. At the end of the night, after everyone had petered out back to their own rooms, and Josephine had proclaimed that soon we would be renovating my rooms, Cullen and I laid in bed and held one another.

“Thank you,” I whispered, tipsy enough to be relaxed, but aware enough to know he had absolutely made my day. My week even.

He pulled me closer, “Anything for you, sweetheart.”

We went to sleep with our troubles forgotten.


	30. The Phony in the Hall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 30 Chapters, woooo!! As always, thank you for the comments and Kudos!! I hope you enjoy. :)

The next morning started much better than the one before it. No one barged in to wake me up, and my only discomfort was the sun which was shining through the windows.

I stretched and rolled, bumping into Cullen who was still sleeping on the other side of the bed. He looked even better than yesterday, the dark circles under his eyes subsided even further and his skin seemed healthy and glowing.

This was the Cullen I remembered from before I left for Crestwood. The handsome commander with the golden eyes, tanned skin, shrewd golden eyes and a strong demeanor. I couldn’t imagine anymore why I had resisted the idea of him so much. He was a Templar by trade, sure, but he was an anomaly of them. He had left the order, and was conquering his demons, overcoming his prejudices and ingrained habits.

Every day, he was pushing to be better than he was before, and I was immensely proud to call him my Name.

Except right now he was fast asleep. It was early enough in the morning that neither of us needed to be anywhere, and given I couldn’t leave my rooms without some kind of supervision, I opted to go stand on my balcony instead and listen to the keep wake up.

Wrapped in a thick blanket, I made my way across the cold stones, out the stained glass, and face the most beautiful view in the world. My rooms may have needed some updating and furnishing, but it could hold all my friends for a small party, and the balcony was beyond words.

Skyhold was _breathtaking_. The keep situated just so for both fortification and protections from any incoming forces. Majestic mountains rolled close enough it seemed I could reach out and touch them, and they absolutely filled my vision, towering over our valley. Snow was falling gently at the peaks, sparking in what little light there was, and the remnants of stars still lingered high above.

I took in as much as I could, comparing it to the forests I had come from. So much had changed since I left my Clan. My childhood had been spent on hills and plains, moving across rivers and through forest after forest. Even more so after my name had appeared, making me a greater target for the Templars. I had thought that I was the most unfortunate elf in the world, to have magic and a Name. Now, I felt as if Mythal herself had blessed me with a life so full of meaning, I was still working it out.

I hadn’t even seen any mountains up close until I had come for the Conclave, and since then everything had changed, and was still changing. Who knew that I would end up throwing things like _Presentations_ where Orlesian nobles would attend? Fate was interesting, if nothing else.

All of this was good, but I had yet to hear back from my Keeper when I sent her my news. It had been some time since the Conclave, and I had sent three messages thus far, all with no response. It was very unlike her to leave something like that for so long. Granted, it had probably taken the messenger some time to track them down, but enough time had passed that I was beginning to worry.

I frowned at a peak, beauty temporally forgotten, thinking that I should send them another letter. After leaving, I had assumed that the Templars would leave my Clan alone, but if someone had put two and two together, the elf from Lavellan with the Name and the elven Inquisitor and her Name…

A cold shiver went up my back. Leliana could get a letter to them the fastest.

I walked back inside and threw on some clothing quickly, strapping into some robes and a long dress with a fur collar before I quietly made my way out. Cullen needed his rest, and it was a short walk to Leliana’s perch. The woman never slept.

There was no one else in the tower as I made my way down and out into the main hall. There were a couple people eating breakfast, and Varric was already by the fire, responding to letters. His head lifted as came through the door, and smiled wide at me.

Smiling back, I walked towards him, moving quickly to help keep my panic at bay. All I could do was send them another letter, maybe send a scout looking for them, panicking and worrying would not help them. I had to have faith that Leliana would do everything she could to find them and to keep them safe.

I was so focused on making my way to Varric that I nearly ran into the man who had stepped in front of me.

Frowning, I stopped and looked at the man who had stopped me. He was nearly as tall as Cullen but wasn’t as wide or broad. Still though, he clearly thought of himself as quite the warrior, the hilt of a large sword was peaking over his back, and he was wearing some plate mail at his shoulders. Just his shoulders.  Blonde hair was slicked back from his head into a pony tail, and all of his clothes were black.

I was immediately suspicious of the stranger, he was likely another suitor here to try and sway me to whatever cause he supported. I should have woken Cullen.

The man looked me over top to bottom and then smiled slowly, “ _Hello_ Inquisitor.”

My frown deepened, “Good Morning.”

Then I waited. Normally, people would launch immediately into their name and title, as the common etiquette would dictate they should when introducing themselves. This man seemed to loath to introduce himself, as he sat silent, just looking at me. Or maybe he was giving _me_ a chance to look at _him._ Arrogant _shem_.

Another beat passed before he seemed to sigh and then sweep into a bow, giving in. “I am Lawrence Astor, at your service.”

I nodded, keeping my silence again.

His grin flickered at that, but he kept on, “I had not known such a beauty could be leading the Inquisition, truly your strength and beauty must be unmatched in all of Thedas. I dare say, even the great Hawke could not be as beautiful as you.”

I opened my mouth, affronted. Who on earth was this man to stop me while I was clearly occupied, then insult my allies and then look me over like a halla he wanted to down? I felt my magic stirring with my emotions, feeling distinctly purple and electric. A good shot of lightning would take care of him quickly.

As if he read my mind, his smile morphed, less of a smile now and more baring his teeth at me like he was a shark.

There was something in the air then, a tremor of tension. Something was wrong. Lawrence’s eyes seemed too sharp, too shiny, his gaze too intent. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

On instinct, I took a step back. “I thank you for the compliment, but I am afraid I have matters to attend to.”

The man matched my step, and then took another, quickly getting into my space. Time seemed to slow, as the man spoke in a low voice, leaning into me so his breath washed over my face.

His eyes locked onto mine, boring in deep. “The Elder One will find you,” he said, “He has eyes everywhere. There is no where you are safe, there is no place he will not find you. He will come and he will destroy everything and _everyone_ you love. He will cleanse the Names off of our backs and usher in a new world order. The Elder One will rid us of the shackles of a god who no longer cares and he will rend the world asunder. You are not safe, no one is safe. Prepare for your doom.”

I opened my mouth, but before I could say anything he turned tail and walked out, disappearing almost as quick as he had come, moving too fast with long strides and a head held high.

It was a threat. With all the suitors flooding into the castle, Corypheus wanted me to know he could get to me. He wanted me to know he could get to me, and that he could get to anyone, anytime, anywhere.

The ice which was already sitting in my belly grew twice as heavy and twice as cold, sitting like an iceberg in my stomach. I unfroze and ran after the man, gathering my magic about me as I sprinted.

It was inexcusable I hadn’t apprehended him as soon as he began speaking, but I had to do my best to catch him now. He had caught me off guard in Skyhold, a mistake I would not be repeating.

I waved at Varric as I sprinted out the hall and down the stairs, looking wildly about for the man.

I heard Varric descend behind me with quick steps.

“Did you see that man?” I asked, walking still further out into the courtyard, eyes peeled.

“The phony with the broadsword?”

“Yes!” I nodded, moving towards the gate.

“What about him?”

“We _need_ to find him, he’s a spy,” I said, glancing behind me quickly.

Varric’s face fell before anger took over, and he slung Bianca into his arms. “Let’s find the bastard.”

We forged forth, heading towards the gate before we would sweep over by the stables. For a moment, I thought I caught a glimpse of him, heading into the kitchens. Running towards the door, my heart pounding loudly as I caught up to him _finally._ The man would pay for coming here, for making me feel unsafe.

 I wrenched it open, expecting to find Lawrence, only to startle some cooks. Women and men up to their elbows in flour froze, their wide eyes swinging to me. 

I stopped short, “Uh. Hello.”

They all blinked at me.

“Did a man just come through here? Tall, sword on his back?”

Every head in the room shook. I could feel my cheeks heating, they must think I am a loon.

I backed out slowly, trying to smile with confidence, “My apologies, have a wonderful day.”

They waved as I backed out completely and turned to face Varric.

“Well?” He asked.

Pausing to catch my breath, I sighed. “I lost him.”

Varric frowned, “We should tell Nightingale. She might still be able to catch him… Wherever he went.”

I waved my hand, “You’re right. I just,” I sighed,  “I wish I had gotten him at the start.”

Stepping closer, he looked up at me, “What happened?”

“Well,” I looked to the sky, “I was going to see Leliana, when he stopped me in the main hall.”

Varric grunted, “I saw that.”

Looking back at him, I went on, “I thought… I thought he was one of those suitors, at first. He was a _shem_ and he seemed too friendly. But then he started acting strange. His eyes were all glassy and he looked like he would bite me.”

“Red lyrium?” Varric suggested.

Until that moment I hadn’t put too much thought into _why_ his eyes were glassy, I was too busy trying to locate the intruder. But Varric’s suggestion made total sense. Red lyrium was clearly the substance of choice among Corypheus’ followers.

I assented, “Probably. He first acted like a suitor, but then his eyes glazed over and he told me ‘The Elder One’ will find me.”

“Find you?” Varric scoffed, “Like you’re hiding?”

Shrugging, I leaned one hip to the side and glanced around, still looking for the spy. “I suppose. The threat was clear though.”

Turning in a full circle I cast my eyes all over the courtyard, looking one last time for the spy before giving up.

“I should go let Leliana know.”

Varric nodded, “I’ll do one last sweep around the keep, just in case.”

“Thanks, Varric.”

Varric nodded once, then turned and went back how we came, Bianca still in his hands at the ready. Thankfully, the normal residents of Skyhold did not seem too alarmed by him being at-arms. Small miracles, we did not need a panic in the keep.  

I made my way as fast as I could to Leliana, ignoring everyone around me and single-mindedly moving towards her, mind swimming with things to tell her. My spymaster would be a busy woman.

By the time I made it to her, some more of the keep had woken up, but I did not see Cullen. I reached out for him through our connection, and got the vague sense he was still sleeping, at least for now. Solas was painting as I passed, Dorian had his nose in a book, and the crows were in full form, cawing from their perch.

Leliana looked as she always did, shrewd and alert.

“Inqisitor,” she greeted, not surprised as I came quickly around the corner.

“Leliana,” I paused bracing before braking the news. Leliana would not take kindly to the idea of a spy I assumed she did not know about in our walls. Of course, she let a few of the more harmless ones slip through, fed them bad information for our enemies or low level nosy nobles, but I highly doubted she would let one in under the cover that would allow him near me. Leliana was too smart to take a risk like that.

She watched me, waiting quietly.

“A man,” I started, “This morning, did you hear?”

Her brow creased, “No?”

“He stopped me in the main hall. I was heading here to see you, and he stopped me.”

Her head tilted, “Why wasn’t Cullen with you?”

I shrugged, “I needed to see you for something important and he was still asleep.”

The spymaster’s eyes narrowed, “You know you are not to be alone.”

“I know,” I lamented, “But I as worried about my Clan. I came to ask you if I could send another letter and maybe if we could send a scout there. But I never made it there. A man who claimed he was named Lawrence Astor stopped me. Said ‘The Elder One’ was coming for me, that he would fine me.”

“Hmm,” she mused, “A not-so-suble threat. Tell me, did you notice anything else?”

“He disappeared quickly,” I recounted, “And he was dressed like a warrior, but not as a warrior would dress. He had on plate, but just at the shoulders, and a large sword on his back.”

Mouth turned down, Leliana picked up a piece of paper and began writing. “I will have someone look, he should stick out a fair bit dressed like that. Did you see the shoes he had on?”

I shook my head.

“Pity. Can easily tell how far a man will run by his shoes. We will start a search in the keep and then the surrounding trails, we’ll try to suss him out.”

“Thank you,” I said with feeling.

She tied her message to a crow quickly and then let it fly, before she looked at me cooly.

“I will not chide you for being alone,” she said, “I am sure your amore will do that well enough for me.”

“What about my clan?”

She picked up another piece of paper, “I will do as you requested. It is highly unusual not to have heard from them yet, and it would not do for them to have been taken advantage of by some foreign government.”

“Thank you,” I breathed my shoulders already feeling lighter.

She nodded at the paper, “Whatever you need, Elena, I am here to help.”

With that, I left to go back to my room, and to face whatever it was Cullen wanted to say. I was sure that he would be worried out of his mind, and perhaps a little angry with me that I had let him sleep in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter than normal, I am sorry! I wanted to dedicate the whole next chapter to a scene with Cullen and some other fun stuff.
> 
> See you guys next time!


	31. The Madman in the Cellar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Another week, another chapter! Things are heating up!!! (I would include fire emojis here if I could) 
> 
> As always, thank you for your comments, kudos, and support! I am desperately grateful for it all. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Cullen was, predictably, agitated; but he must have slept in some, as he was still in his sleeping clothes and his hair was still curled up and unstyled. In the midst of everything, I was at least glad that he got one good night’s sleep. He desperately needed to take care of himself more. He was a man with a lot of people who counted on him, and to bear the weight he needed to be in good health. Even if he wasn’t The Commander of the Inquisition, he deserved to sleep well.

When I came up the stairs, his eyes whipped to me from where he had been pacing, and the gold was practically burning. It was impossible for me to miss his conflicting emotions of anger and fear and worry rolling around inside him. I could feel it almost as soon as I entered the tower, and as I ascended the stairs my stomach started to ache and I knew it was all Cullen.

Instantly, I felt terrible for forgetting to bring him with me. He would have understood my waking him up and leaving in a hurry; he would have come with me. But I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to consider bringing him along. It was my mistake, and now not only had I been accosted, but I had worried Cullen too.

He stormed over to me, and cupped my cheeks in his hands, drawing me in close as his face descended to be on level with mine. His eyes searched mine, golden staring into blue. I blinked rapidly, forgetting for a second that he might be angry with me and just stared at him.

“Are you ok?” He asked fiercely.

I nodded as best I could, “I’m fine.”

“Where did you go? I just got up and was about to come and find you.”

I opened my mouth and then closed it.

“Elena,” he warned.

Time to face the Dread Wolf.

“I went to go see Leliana,” I admitted, bracing.

His hands dropped from my face as he straightened so he could card them through his hair. “You are not supposed to leave without me.” He gritted out.

“I know,” I said, “I am sorry. I had to see her.”

His eyes cut to me, “About what? Is there something you need to tell me?”

I shook my head, “No. I just wanted her to increase her efforts to find my clan. I am worried I haven’t heard from them yet. It’s unlike the Keeper to not respond.”

Keeper Talia was always diligent with what correspondence made its way to her. Usually it was from other Keepers, or from parents with children who possessed magic, but who had nowhere for them to go. She always stewed over those letters the longest. She never would have ignored a letter from me.

The air was silent as we looked at each other, the tension thick as I stood strong and waited, as Cullen thought.

Cullen was a warrior. I knew this. He wore a sword at all times when he was not sleeping, and when he was asleep he hid a knife under his pillow. He wore plate mail and I had seen him in battle, but I had forgotten about the hardness that came with all of that. He was seasoned, he had seen things that I had not, endured things I had not had to face, and he had come out the other side stronger and more prepared. He was cunning and he would do what it took to survive, to _win._

Never before, however, had I seen his warrior come out to confront me. For a brief moment he looked at me like all the Templars I had encountered before he had. Like he very much would like to put me away under lock and key. I knew he just wanted to keep me safe, but there was nothing about the notion which made me _feel_ safe.

I felt my eyes widen, and my heart pickup fear leaked through our bond and as soon as it did, his face shut down. I knew he was so close to suggesting that they keep me locked here in the tower until everything had blown over, but he knew I would never agree.

Instead of pressing the issue, he turned his back as he went out to the balcony and braced himself against the railing, looking out over the mountains I had been gazing at that morning.

“The Dread Wolf can take all this nonsense,” I bit out.

This should be a non –issue, I should not be worried about walking across a hall, the Inquisition’s Hall, _my_ hall! I should be concentrating on real issues, not on disbelievers or suitors.

Taking a deep breath in, and then letting it out, I reigned myself in. As Inquisitor, it was my job to maintain my cool, and to do what I could to maintain the peace and to beat Corypheus. It was not the time nor place either for me and Cullen to be at odds.

I let Cullen stew a moment, and then I sucked in a large breath and went out to join him.

“Cullen,” I started, walking slowly over to him.

He raised a hand, and I saw his head shaking. My heart dropped. We had just resolved things, and now this. Could we get nothing right? What was the point of even having a Name if it was so much effort? If we would hurt each other anyway? I sighed.

Not talking, I went beside him and did the same thing I had done that morning. I looked at the mountains and I let their awe soothe me.

After a moment, his shoulder bumped mine, “I was worried about you. I am sorry for how I reacted. All I want is for you to be safe. We are already in so much danger; I don’t want you to have to face any more than you have to.”

“I understand.” I admitted, “There is more.”

Cullen sucked in a huge breath. “More?”

“More,” I affirmed.

“What else could there be?” He sounded tired again.

“One of the suitors…” I paused, thinking of the strange encounter, “He was a spy for Corypheus. He came and found me as I was going to Leliana.”

He turned sharply to me, eyes raking over me, looking for wounds. “Did he attack you?”

“Confronted more,” I said, “stopped me in the great hall to threaten me. He told me Corypheus was coming to find me.” I reached out and put a hand on his arm, “Leliana is looking for him now.”

Cullen looked conflicted. His eyes hard but his mouth turned down.

“It’s fine,” I stated. “He didn’t hurt me.”

His shoulders slumped like a string had been cut and he leaned in to gather me up, pulling me in close. “I should have been there.”

I snaked my arms around his waist and leaned my head against his chest. “It’s my fault for leaving. I should have woken you up; I was just too wrapped up in my thoughts. I am not used to needing a body guard. Even when the Templars were after me… It was never like this.”

He leaned back and looked down at me, his voice tortured, “Do not leave without me again. I was terrified when I woke up without you, and that man could have seriously hurt you. I know it is difficult, but we need to keep you safe.”

I frowned, “Not _seriously,_ Cullen. He’s just a _shem_ and he didn’t even have any weapons on him.”

Blonde brows descended low over his eyes, “Elena—“

But before he could get out any more words, the door slammed open hard and we heard someone sprinting up the stairs.

Adrenaline spiked through me and Cullen’s rage fed my magic. I gathered it around me and whirled to march into my room, with Cullen running past me to grab his sword from beside the bed.

We were ready just in time, when I turned to face the stairs, only to see Dorian’s shock of dark hair coming over the top. I relaxed.

“Dorian,” I said, letting my hands fall.

“Gird your loins!” He said, “Oh wait. You already appear ready.” He glanced at Cullen in his sleeping clothes, “Ish. Leliana caught up to your spy friend, she found him in the cellars. Probably waiting until night fall to make his final escape. He is putting up one hell of a fight.”

Cullen ran over to his armor in the back room and began to strap it on. I ran to where I had dumped my robes and started piling on what leather I could. I grabbed my staff as Cullen grabbed his sword.

Dorian turned heel and we followed, heading down the stairs, and hooking over across the hall to head down some more. By the time we found the commotion, the man who had confronted me in the great hall was backed into a corner between two bookshelves.

Leliana stood a bit back from the action, with two of her agents in front of her, knives out and pointed at the man. Lawrence had his sword out, and now his eyes were positively glowing red. Varric had been right.

Leliana glanced behind her as we approached weapons at the ready.

“Thank you, Dorian,” she said, as she looked us all over. “I thought you would want to be here for this.”

Cullen lifted his chin, “You assumed correct.”

His eyes grew sharp when he looked at Lawrence, and then glanced back at me. “This is the man?”

“He is,” I confirmed.

Lips tipped up, Leliana gave the word to her agents, “Take him in alive.”

The man shrieked, his voice going higher than it had been in the great hall, “Never! You will never turn me! Corypheus has promised me power! Strength! I will _never_ betray him.”

Spittle flew from his mouth as the spied advanced, Cullen at their back and Dorian and I at the ready, staffs in the air.

The spy to my left advanced a step, and Lawrence struck out, his large sword swinging wide in an arc. The woman stepped back again.

Leliana seemed unconcerned.

The man spoke up again, “He knows where I am! The Elder One will smite you all! He will rain down fire and death upon this keep and you will _know_ his power!” Both of his hands were on his sword, and the tip was shaking as he tried to keep it level and aimed at Leliana’s agents.

The agents split sides, advancing from his flanks with Cullen filling in the gap, advancing on Lawrence.

“He will raise me up and make the world clean again! He will lead me to a tomorrow free of shackles and of woe!” Lawrence cried, swinging out again.

His large broadsword caught on Cullen’s longsword as the commander stepped into his space, cutting off his swing and moving in closer. The space was tight, and it would have been better for Leliana’s agents to take care of it, but Cullen was rolling in anger and had the chance to smite that which had offended him.

Cullen caught the blade and then stepped to the side, maneuvering to Lawrence’s open side and then slashed out, faster than Lawrence could react with all the lyrium in his system. The red lyrium hadn’t seemed to take hold yet for him, and all it did was make him jittery and uncontrolled. A couple more hours, and likely he would be more of a threat.

A deep red wound opened in Lawrence’s side, and blood began to seep out of the wound. It was so dark it was almost black with the lyrium corruption running through him. Crying out, Lawrence fell to the ground as the agents swooped in and began to drag him away.

Cullen sheathed his sword and turned to Leliana and I.

“I was expecting more of a fight,” he admitted.

Leliana thought for a moment, then suggested, “A test?”

Turning to her, I considered the idea. It would make sense that he would send someone to test our response and to see how far he could get. Lawrence had probably already sent off a message telling his master that he was successful, meaning we would have to develop some more thorough security procedures. Change the schedule of the guards.

Cullen hummed in agreement. “I think you are right. We will need to increase security.”

“What we need,” Leliana said, “is for all of these _suitors_ to go away. They are a risk. I will speak with Josephine, we cannot kick the suitors out, but we can always move up the date of the Presentation.”

Before I could open my mouth to ask a question, she had turned and left.

Cullen’s arm settled over my shoulders, “Well.”

“Well,” I agreed.

“Do you think if we had it tonight,” he mused, “We could get away with wearing our normal clothes?”

I shook my head, “Knowing Josephine, she would find a way to make it happen _and_ have us still wear the revealing things.”

His hand dropped from my shoulders and glanced over my back, brushing my Name, “We will make it though. And then soon, we can have a proper Naming.”


End file.
